Intimacy and marriage

[Christianwife22]

Truly embarrised so please bare with me

I am 22 and live in CT and recently married a wonderful man . Were both Christians and proud to say we both waited til marriage . I lost my mom when I was 10 to BC and was raised by my father and he was very strict. I couldn't even look at the word sex if you know what I mean

Now since I am sexually active I have a question about orgasms well a few questions and I am hoping someone can help me

Does a woman have a orgasm from intercourse

What position brings a woman to orgasm

How do you know if you have a orgasm

How long should your partner last ( TMI ) my husband maybe lasts about 3 minutes of penetration

I read that masturbation helps a woman learn her own body which makes having orgasms easier . I know masturbation is a debate but do a lot of woman masturbate even if there married.

I have thought recently about masturbating (again TMI ) but I just can't start . I feel foolish and start laughing . Do woman say " Hey I am going to masturbate now " or does it just happen . I can't see myself saying to myself " Laura go masturbate " . Do woman set up a romantic scene when they masturbate

maybe this is all dumb but I need to talk to someone. I tried our pastor's wife and a nurse at my OB GYN but when it came time to talk I didn't say a word a my face blushed

Thanks for all your help

Laura

[thetease13]

Hey, don't feel embarassed. This board is here to help you and hey, I think we all feel kinda silly sometimes talking about stuff like this. lol.

Anyways.

1. A lot of women do not reach orgasm from sex and sex alone. They need something like clitoral stimulation. Oral and rubbing are usually the best ways to get it.
If you are one of the fortunate ones that can reach orgasm during sex, well, congrats. lol.

2. As for position, I've personally never tried it (yet), but they say the best position for a woman is on top.
Scratch the missionary style. Although it can be varied up, it's kinda boring, and for people like me, regular missionary style hurts. Avoid doggy style if you are new to sex. It causes deep penetration and if your body is not ready to handle something like that, it can cause pain.
But being on top lets the woman have control and if you lean while doing it, you can get clit stimulation out of it and possibly reach an orgasm.

3. Well, orgasms kinda vary from woman to woman. The only true way to answer "how will you know" is well, you just will. Your muscles contract and there's a sense of relief afterwars. Some women have a "female ejaculation" type thing during it while others just get wetter. I am fortunate and have experienced both... although only by pleasing myself, but that's another story I'm not getting into at this time. lol.

4. Um, I dunno. That's one of those things that vary from person to person. Once you become more experienced and do it more often, you will last longer because you learn to control it and hold off to help build up the pleasure.

5. And now for masturbation. Well, you just sorta do it.
I don't really think about it. I generally do it when well, I'm horny. I have to release the urge somehow, and since the guy isn't around and won't be for sometime, I just have to take care of it myself and I do.
I generally will also do it if I'm watching some porn. The porn turns me on and well, that leads back to the horny thing. lol.
There's no need to set up a scene (atleast not to me. I'm sure there's some that do). It's not like you're performing for the camera or anything.

To put it bluntly, just stick your hand down there and start rubbing. You quickly learn what gets you going and what doesn't. And if you want, insert a finger.

If you need a little porn or something to get ya going, go get some. Go download some. It certainly never hurt anyone. (Just do yourself a favor and please remember that porn is meant for entertainment purposes only. Don't compare yourself or your partner to the people in there. They are putting on a show and well, faking a lot of it. lol).

And that's all I can think of.
Again, don't be embarassed. Everyone does have to start somewhere and we're here to help you as much as we can.

[oberon]

Hi Christianwife22 and welcome!

I'll add my support to thetease's on this one... *There is absolutely NOTHING to be embarrassed about. *Everyone is confused about sex at some point and everyone has sexual questions. *How are you suppose to find out if you don't ask?

On question 4- how long should your husband last (I think that's what you are asking)- it varies, but if he's only lasting 3 minutes of penetration, then I hope he is taking care of you- either beforehand or afterward.

About masturbation, (strangely enough) I even have a suggestion. *Try masturbation in the shower/tub- it's private and you have an excuse to lock the door. *Try a nice warm bath and just relax and try touching yourself (you might close your eyes and pretend it's your husband) and see what feels good. *You might also invest in a shower massager. *I have some lesbian friends who think they are wonderful...lol.

[demonbuttercup]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Christianwife22 @ Sep. 23 2004,16:20)]I know masturbation is a debate but do a lot of woman masturbate even if there married.

oh totally! just because you are married or in a relationship doesn't mean you stop masturbating.
My b/f does when its my time of the month or if Im tired and go to bed early.
I masturbate sometimes real quick before I go to bed just to help me relax and sleep better.
Other times Ill be thinking about him if he's at work and Ill do it. Sometimes you can masturbate in front of your partner, seems to be a big turn on for some.

Tease pretty much hit all the basics and Oberon's advice about in the shower/bath is a good one too. I don't usually set up a scene or anything. I don't light candles..etc. Some women might. I usually just do it...lol. Getting a vibrator might help you in your quest for masturbation and in sex. If you are having trouble having an orgasm through intercourse alone, using a vibrator on your clit or at least stimulating it with your hand helps a great deal.
Good luck w/ everything.
Hope we didn't embarrass you too much

[WallyLlama]

I looked at the original post and questions when it first appeared and I confess that I wasn't sure where to start. I wasn't sure what was embarassing... the topic of sex or the need to ask the questions.

You might learn to "open up" a bit by posting here and having some dialog... you'll get lots of suggestions and a ton of information. (And sometimes opinions disguised as information.)

Given that it sounds like you have lots of questions and an opportunity to explore, I'd strongly suggest you consider a few good books. You can buy them on-line to avoid embarrassment at the book store. (Books aren't always accurate either, BTW. That's why you should get more than one.)

A general observation: there are very few absolutes in life and even if less in sex. That may be the hardest challenge for you as a "ChristianWife" with a "strict upbringing." It will be a bit uncomfortable but also very exciting to discover that you get decide the answer to a lot of your questions. What works for you is right.

One of the most informative sites I know when it comes to masturbation is www.solotouch.com - start with the articles. You'll find quite a few that deal with the "debate" around Christian's and masterbating.

And please tell, what is "TMI?"

[oberon]

TMI- Too Much Information

Used in this case, I believe, to cover embarrassment about discussing personal topics.

I, actually, think her questions were well-phrased and perfectly to the point.

[WallyLlama]

I, actually, didn't say they weren't!

[oberon]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (WallyLlama @ Sep. 26 2004,03:55)]

I, actually, didn't say they weren't!

I, actually, meant that comment for her benefit, not your's. *To be very plain... I was praising her, not criticising you.

[experimenter]

well, jeez, let's just get off topic and start yet another fight.

[experimenter]

<<<Christianwife22>>>

I recently came across a book titled "The Gift of Sex-A Guide to sexual fulfillment" by Clifford and Joyce Penner This is a book that is "religious" based and offers tips and suggestions from anything from positions, to how to make your husband last longer. So far I have only been able to skim through it, but it appears to be a good investment.