Like Rough Sex

[lottedixon]

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[lottedixon]

Doh! Forgot to finish the thread title - Sorry!

[demonbuttercup]

i don't know
i can't imagine getting turned on by getting smacked around so much that i have a black eye. i can see a little roughness and spanking but not to the point of REALLY hurting someone.
but to each his own.

i don't know how you can convince your b/f you are ok. im sure it freaked him out to see what he had done to you, accident or not. im not sure that kind of relationship is completly healthy but like i said, everyone has their different turn ons and fantasies.

[WallyLlama]

To some extent, the actual issue doesn't matter. What we have here is two people in a relationship with different perspectives, both feeling very strongly about their position.

You want some roughness - I'd say quite a bit?

He can't bear the thought of hurting you.

As one who finds it difficult to be "rough" with a woman (forceful, yes... ravishing, yes... inflicting pain, different story) I'm perhaps a bit sympathetic with him and I will own up to that bias in replying.

The resolution is somewhere between what you want and what he wants and you'll have to negotiate it. I'm inclined to think you may not fully understand or appreciate how he feels and what he fears. ("No one knows the inner workings of my boyfriend better than I.&quot He's had a traumatic event that has perhaps changed him forever. Explore it, ask him about it, listen to him.

And, at the same time, explore with him why you require such intensity and pain to enjoy yourself.

The pendulum is swinging... it will find a balance if you let it and are willing to accept it.

[lottedixon]

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[WallyLlama]

Thanks for the clarification...

Have you told him you do not want to repeat the performance and promised to enforce limits you both agree on? You're correct that you are equally responsible!

He knows it COULD happen again... it was not really an accident at all and calling it that doesn't change the fact that he learned he's capable of hurting you.

Remember too that sex can be fun without the "spanky, dominating play." This might be a good opportunity to try some other "perversions!" (In quotes because perversions can be good things. LOL)

Your last paragraph says much... time does create balance.

[Rawbob]

Your second post made it much easier to reply to your original post!

AVOID ANY FORM OF BD/SM, rough sex, role play, etc. if one or both of you has been drinking or on any drugs.

ANything that alters your normal consciousness takes what would normally be acceptable for you two and dramatically change the situation.

Being an AVID practitioner of the bd/sm/ds/ms lifestyle, you broke the cardinal rule: SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL. Now, for those who are not into this lifestyle those words seem ironic - but for those of us who are, we know that any "scene" must occure within that confine.

I'm not sure if he'll ever be back to a level where he, or you, can enjoy a very intense level of rough play, but my advise to you would be to:
1) Again reassure him that you were not badly hurt
2) Remind him that he was under the influence of alchohol
3) That you and he will NEVER engage in that level of play after drinking.

Hope this helps.

[cherry_falls]

rough sex i s fun it makes me feel good

[EvilEvilKitten]

WTF were you thinking? If you had gone in for medical treatment, the doctor/nurses would have reported this to the police - even without your consent.

This is NOT BDSM, this is insanity. This is precisely why no one should rush into the lifestyle without proper preparation and/or with an inexperienced partner.

You should also consider several other points:

1. why do you feel the need to be punished/debased during sex
2. when this level of play no longer thrills - where are you going to go
3. how coarse your lovemaking is and how that coarseness is affecting the rest of your life
4. your, and his, consumption of alcohol/drugs and the willingness to use it as an excuse
5. the damage you have caused him by forcing him to do this

Rawbob is right - Safe, Sane, Consenual - and that was NOT any of them!