Been with her for a long time...

[Omega]

Hey guys, and girls of course,

I've been with my girlfriend a little less then a year now. *We've really come a long way through our time and I must say that I'm very much in love with her.

However, I think now is a good time to ask all the people that frequent the message boards for some advice now.

Just some information so you know. *I'm in college, just started as of this year. *And my girl is in high school, close to graduation. *We have been dating since I was in high school and she used to live a walking distance away from me. *However now we're about 15-30 minutes apart depending on the traffic in the lands. *Which isn't too bad I'm aware but obviously it's not great.

Alright, I'm not the type of guy thats, get a girl, sleep with her and the next day lets move on. *I look for and try to maintain long term relationships and as for how far physical intimacy goes, I'm always considerate and patient with the feelings of the girl, in short, I don't think "must screw her". *Whatever happens I enjoy for the closeness it brings as well as the physical feeling of course, thats just an additional benefit.

So what is it that I want to ask? *Well actually, it's quite a few things and some have to do with distance while others don't. *But I do hope the people that read this post will take the time to write down a reply or two as I would very much appreciate that? -smiles- and of course I mean those other then the veterns of the board that seemingly reply to every post. *Well almost.

Ok, When I lived back at home with the parents, we would go on walks every other night to talk about things that were going on here and there. *And of course now that I'm at the college dorms I really only see her about once or twice a week, and thats on the weekends. *When we do see eachother we snuggle, hug, watch a movie or two, *everyonce in awhile go out to eat, and talk. *Lol, yeah we talk alot actually when we can, *no fling here.

So the questions I have come in three parts, the first part which I'll ask here. *I'm 15 minutes away from her, she's not allowed to visit because according to parents a high school girl has no business going to a "college" (I'm sure you can figure out the true meaning behind that). *But yes I'm 15 minutes away. *Do you believe that our seeing eachother during the weekends is good enough? (once or twice a week). *Or do you believe that it is my respnsibility and that I should go visit her a couple times more during the week? Sit to talk, go on a walk or what have you? *In my opinion yes I would say I should. *But then theres always the fact about giving the girl her space yes? *So I'm asking you guys to offer some advice on what you would do or think I should do. *Drive down to visit her for a couple hours a couple more times a week? *Or stay on the weekend visits? *If you could explain your reasoning or advice as best as possible that would be great... I'm one that enjoys more words, in quality. *

The second question starts here. *Recently I've noticed that the visit, stay atone persons home, hug, snuggle, talk, and go out once in awhile is a repetitive process, which makes me wonder. *For those of you that are more experienced in long term relations. *Do you often do other activities with your sig. other? *For example, going out biking together, learning something new together, whether it be windsurfing, sailing, a martial arts class or what have you. *Are these extra curricular activites something you would do with your other often? *Or is this stay at house routine the same? *Again I feel we should do some extracurricular activites together but as always I would like other persons thoughts on the matter. *So would you mind posting your experiences? *Ideas on what activites to do? *Or if to do any or alot at all? *Thank you very much.

And this is the third and final request that I will be posting today. If there's any other advice you have for a relationship like this on what to do or an experience of yours please don't hesitate to post it up alright? *It will probably help me if I could read it.

Hey, I know its alot to respond too... If you were going to respond to all three parts. *But if you could really just take the time to answer even one or two of them (espcially the first two) *That would help me to no end and i would be extremely grateful. *Thanks alot...

I just love her so incredibly much and the last thing I want to do is start a downhill path to a dead end. She and I have been through alot together and we've had our ups and downs but that's only made us stronger... -smiles- She really does mean the whole world to me now and I look to keep it that way. Now that I'm farther away from her I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.

Hope to hear from you soon, take care.

[LittleFury]

Ok, lemme try to answer this. 15 min distance is nothing, in fact, thats a lot better then most people get. Sorry, but I don't see any excuse for you to complain about that. And yes, since she can't come see you, go see her a few times a week. 15 min shouldn't ever be an issue.
2nd. After you've eben with someone for a while, things might get repetitive, change them. try new things. I mean, my bf and I we live togehter, and we've been with each pother for over a year, so we have done the normal dating kind of stuff already. And he and I do things togehter, we try new things together usually. And some things might seem silly, but it can be a lot of fun. Anything that gives us a break from a routine is perfect.
Relationship is a lot of work. Other then that, I don't think I have any other advice for you yet.

[WallyLlama]

Hmmm... I hope I don't fall into the category of a veteran who replies to every thread. LOL I find myself becoming more and more selective... I'm intrigued by this post because it seems to me the answers are much more simple than the questions. Unless, of course, I don't understand the questions...

1. Yes, you can and should see her during the week. I'm not even sure I understand why you've asked that question...? What do you want? What does she want? Why is "giving her space" an issue? Unless there's something more to this question, my advice is see her when it suits you both. Don't complicate it!

2. If this is going to be a long term relationship, you'd better have other interests besides snuggling and talking and walking. "Enjoying the closeness" can be a form of escapism. An effective partnership is about functioning together and independently in the real world and doing things together is not really "extra curricula activity."

3. I'm not sure I can offer further advice, because I feel like I do not really understand the questions or issues... and why they're being asked.

[demonbuttercup]

yes I agree you should make the effort to drive 15-30 minutes.
that really isn't much. not everyone lucky enough to live like 2 sec from friends etc. Where I used to live in the country, it was nothing to drive 30-45 minutes to see friends or just go to the mall.
also, my b/f and I lived 3 states away for 6 months and i tried to visit as often as I could. we still managed that to work.
your g/f's parents need to realize that their lil girl will be old enough for college next year...they sound pretty strict.

of course relationships start to get a little routine. I've lived w/ my b/f for over 3 yrs. LOL we might as well be married.
between work and school we do what we can. we still have fun and enjoy each others company tho.

[Rawbob]

1) Respect her parents wishes of not allowing her to come to the campus. If she wants to see you, or you see her during the week - find a McDonalds or coffee shop to meet and chat and walk and talk and hold hands.

2) I kinda answed this question in number 1 also....find other places to meet besides her house. Assuming you have the funds and time (studies must come first, but you need down-time to let the brain retain). You're in school - be creative!

3) Here's the cold hard truth my friend. You're a freshman in college, she's a senior in high school. You are both entering the most exciting and challenging times in your lives. You will have freedom like never before. YOU can decide what to do, when to do it, and how well to do it. You can decide to be studious or lax at college..you can be a playboy or a more sedate guy, and then SHE has the same options in a few months. The security of your relationship with her is in direct proportion to how honest you are with her - and she with you. There will be temptations - for you both.

All i can say is to promise to be HONEST with each other. Out of 1000 relationships like yours, i would bet maybe 10 turn into marriages. Hell, the national divorce rate is still 50%.

So, enjoy, communicate and be honest. The rest is up to life.

[Omega]

Thank you all for your replies. However our times of being together more then just the weekend seems to have been cut short. Back when I was in high school, we would often go on walks at night or go somewhere for a chat, just to simply be together during the school week. Recently this week when i drove down to see her, her mother deemed that we were not to see eachother during the school week but only during the weekends. And of course there is now a phone curfew of no calls before 9pm. That changes things don't you think? Things we were able to do before... but suddenly not anymore. I feel like I've been completely drenched into the dark. I have my own opinions on why her mother would do this, and the only thing I can think to do about it is to simply adapt and pull through. I don't know... Any ideas or explanations on why this restriction is happening now? -sighs- perhaps is because I'm a college boy now, -shrug- I am truely confused. Especially on what I can do now. For I cannot do the 15 min drive to her house to be with her, only on weekends... Now is when I need advice.

[WallyLlama]

Well, if your relationship is healthy, it should survive the "weekend only" restriction.

I do think you should respect the restrictions.

I also think you should find out what triggered them. It certainly could be your status change to "college boy" but my guess is "not." My first impulse is that something changed in the household... your gf's grades slipped... she got a little out of line some other way... or Mom may have simply decided that the relationship was unhealthy. It's also possible she thinks you should be concentrating on your studies and she thinks she's doing you a favor!

You could:

1. Ask the mother - not in a challenging way - why she thinks this is necessary.

2. Ask your girlfriend what's going on. I'll bet she knows.

3. Accept it, concentrate on your studies, visit on the weekends and send letters/emails, make phone calls during the allotted times.

[CoLdWoLf]

Ill agree, if its healthy you should be ok, i myself didn't have luck on long term realtionships from a distantance, but thats because i couldn't trust me girl, my story is somewhere on here if u want to check it out, but anywho, to awnser some questions, make sure you guys have a trust with each other, i would suggest speaking with her mom and telling her that you would like to see he rmore, instead of doing the usual with her, ask her to have dinner with you, or take her parents out to dinner on you and talk with them about it, i did it it usually works for me, shows the rents that your responsible, anywho 15 mins is nothing i lived 45 mins from my girl, and it was all good for a while but, things happen, just keep ur defense up while being away from each other because it defintly creats an auroa of change for both of you, good luck to you and suggest you do that.. Nice to se everyone again

[sssyjackson]

hehe...I don't know if you'll still be cheking the threads, but I feel I can giva a lot of advice on this subject:

My bf and I have been dating for two and a half years. We started dating in the end of our senior year in high school and I'm now a junior in college.

During my freshmen and sophomore years of college I moved and hour and a half away from home and he stayed in town and went to community college. There ya go: we lived an hour and a half away from each other...and even when we both lived in Houston, we were still about a 15 minute drive away.

Point is, we made it work. We saw each other about every other weekend. He'd come up here and stay with me for the weekend, or I'd go home and stay with him. Sure, it got rocky, but we managed to stay relatively happy.

Now he lives two and a half hours away and it honestly hasn't changed much. In fact, it's gotten better because we've found some of those nifty "extracurricular" things to do together.
For example, this year I started going hunting and fishing with him (which surprisingly enough I really enjoy) and we're also learning to surf together. Having something else to do besides just spend time together has really helped. We really have a chance to get closer because we're sharing a lot of the same experiences. We still only see each other at the most every other weekend, but we're secure enough in our relationship that it works for us.

For you though: You need to see that once she graduates, there won't be as many limits that her parents will be able to place on her. Especially if she goes to the same school as you, you'll be able to see each other as often as you want.
Be careful though: it is possible to see someone too much!

Anyway, I think that if you're able to get through the next few months (obviously with a few minor hitches) then the reward will be far worth it in the end!