How do i tell him I want better sex?

[simpsonchicka23]

I've been married about a month, and I've only ever had sex with my husband, and he's only had sex with me. I know, though, that it isnt right, its over too fast, i almost never come (i did come once or twice), and it seems like we always do the same thing. How do I tell him I want to change things up without upsetting him or putting him on the defensive? I've mentioned that we might try some sex toys, but he says he'd be uncomfortable going into a "novelty" store. Can anyone reccommend a way to bring it up? and maybe some good books or something to help? (we dont want to use porn, neither of us likes the idea of that at all.) Thanks!

[demonbuttercup]

yeah its definety too early in the game to be getting bored already.
he shouldn't take offense to wanting to try different positions. that's part of having a healthy sex life...trying new things.
you guys could order a toy or something from on here, or any online store. since they mail it too you anonymously. i wouldn't want to walk into a store either... lol.. and im pretty open about that kind of stuff.
im not sure about books, hopefuly someone else will have a suggestion for that.

just try not to worry too much. you guys are still early on and not very experienced. it takes awhile to get used to what the other person really likes and what turns them on. is he open to lots of foreplay and oral?
that could help things last longer, at least for you

[Brandye]

Get a good book on sex - The Joy of sex, for instance, and read it together. You can be certain he is feeling the same way and does not know how to bring it up with you.

[simpsonchicka23]

yeah, he's open to foreplay, he doesnt do oral as much as he did before we were married, but we werent having sex then, so maybe he doesnt know its still a good thing to do. I'll see if i can't stop by the bookstore later this evening. (I dont blush about stuff like that, i figure its normal and healthy, but his family wasnt as open talking about sex as mine was, so i figure thats why he's shy.)

[Tessie]

What I do know for sure after being married 13 years is that you have to be able to talk openly and honestly about sex.

Bring it up when he is in a good mood and outside the bedroom and just tell him that you are wanting more variety and excitement with him. Make sure to reassure him that you love him and that what you two are doing now is good. But more is better. *

No one is a mind rereader and you have to tell him what you want and be willing to listen to what he wants.

Some men are shy and its your job as a wife to open your man up and train him in the ways that please you. *

[LittleFury]

Also, as cheesy as it may sounds you could try this. Get a few romance novels at the used book store. Books like that, those cheesy Harlequin novels a lot of times will have some kind of description of a couple having sex. Mark down the one you like and show it to him. And tell him, I want it done exactly like that. I dunno, it might help. Good luck.

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

hmm, ok a suggestionif its the same thing? change it uP! if its always missonary or something.. just belike PFFT.. and get on top... .if you wanna be different there... do a reverse cowboy! change it how you want it hun. most guys LOVE that.. im sure your hubby would be ok with it... cause it shows your being adventurious? with him.. and being direct about it with out saying words.
jamie

[WallyLlama]

From a guy's perspective, I'd add two thoughts:

1. Try simply taking control and being a bit dominant... not in a mean way, simply as the aggressor. You bring the toys, you tell him what to do, etc. You both may be surprised to discover that you enjoy it.

2. If you're concerned about putting him on the defensive, it may be important to let him know/feel that you're not unhappy or unsatisfied (that may be a little white lie LOL); it's more than you're looking to enhance your times together and take it to the top. It's more of a "Let's see if we can do this..." thing.

Make it an adventure together.

[Rawbob]

Here's a few ideas:

1) Get the book, 101 nights of great sex - you can get it at any barnes and noble or other major bookstores. It's alot of fun and no embarassment going there to buy a book or 2.
It's filled with very cool, fun and creative ways of adding more variety without having a "deep" conversation about yoru sex life. Oh, IF you get the book and IF you do one or 2 of the suggestions...after one of the sessions that was mutually satisfactory to you both - THAT is the time to talk about how much fun sex can be.

2) Buy sex toys online! This site has a good link to sex toys and u can get the delivered via the Mail.

It sounds like you both have little experience in the ways of sex, so i don't think you will have much of a problem with discussing sex with him. It's better to talk about it now, then after 3 years of boring sex!

ps: If you had to buy a car, would you talk about it? If you had to buy a house, would you talk about it? Well..why not talk about your sex life? It's alot more personal and important to your house then a car or where to go on vacation, etc.