True love

[vagabondprince]

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year now, and things have been going great for the most part. we're about to start our sophomore year of college.

anyway, i was wondering how i might be able, in some of your opinions, to tell the difference between true love and a young lust that kids my age commonly mistake for true love.

i know i haven't given much info on myself and my girlfriend, so please ask Q's that would help me in giving specific info to help you interpret...it's just such a long story i'm not gonna sit down and start writing the entire novel out when i can give cliff's notes on it

[thetease13]

well, i always say this, but it's true. when you're in love, you just... know.

i can't really ask you a question to help you decide if you're in love or not and if what you have is true love.
only you can decide the for yourself and only you can know how you truly feel.

when i look back on past things i can tell the difference between what i felt then, and what i feel now.
can i say that what i have is true love? no. not because of how i feel but because i know the relationship i'm in can never truly be.
he is someone i love with all my heart and will probably always love with all my heart. he is someone that i will never forget, not because of him being my first for everything, but because of the things he has done for me that he will never know about.
back back on topic here.... i do know that what i feel for him is a completely different feeling than the "love" i had for someone earlier in life. and that is how i personally know what love is for me.

[Tjdude]

True love?, at this time i wonder if there is such thing. When i look back at my life and see all the gfs i had (not that many, but just some), i think that at one time or another i thought i love each one of them with all my heart, i thought it was true love but after some time it was over. Was it true love? if it was, how come it didn't last forever? why all of the sudden i didn't love them any more? Maybe it wasn't true love after all, but the sad thing is that I realy felt like i was in love. So, does that mean i don't know what true love is? or that true love can die with the dawn? None of those options looks good to me. So i'll just think that true love is around the corner and tomorrow will be a better day.
I don't think that is the answer you were looking for, but it's all i can think right now. G.L.

[vagabondprince]

ok, maybe i don't mean "true love" in quite the serious sense i get from all of you. Is it love? or "what is love?" are more the questions i am searching for...as in some of your personal opinions, or at least your opinions on whether my girlfriend and i are in love.

and i know there is the love in the friendship sense, but i think most people here understand that i'm wondering about a different kind of love

[Tessie]

"True Love" you got ask yourself if that is a word that the romance novelist wrote to make some money off lonely housewives?

Now in way you will know if you love a person and want to be with them. But life is ever changing and your feelings for your loved one will too.

I wrote this in other places that I met and "fell madly in love" with my hubby right away. Moved in after two weeks and have been together for 16 years.

Now is it true love and we are blissfully happy. Hell no!! There are great days and for the most part we totally get along and agree on most things. Are there times when I can't stand the very sight of him? Oh yes!!

I am not a downer on love. But people to easliy get a divorce or separate the minute those lovey dovey feelings disappear.

Relationships take a lot of hard work and dedication. There will be good times and bad. The important thing is to find someone that shares your basic values and desires for life. Oh and agreeing on sex, raising kids and how to handle the money is very important too.

Oh and don't forget the inlaws. I could tell you some horror stories there.

[thetease13]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (vagabondprince @ July 05 2004,23:34)]or at least your opinions on whether my girlfriend and i are in love.

but see, that's just it.
no one here can decide whether or not you two are in love. no matter what you tell us or anything, no one can decide that for you but yourself.

[demonbuttercup]

well i think that you've lasted a year so there must be something there.
from what i remember, you guys have survived long distance relationships and even a "break" to see what was out there. yet you are still together.
one thing to think about is when she's gone do you miss her?
and not just sexually... thats the lust part..lol.
i mean do miss just seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, just hanging out and watching tv or a movie?
i mean you said the "friend" love is there and you both are sexually attracted to eachother. friends can make the best lovers.
i know sometimes its hard to distinguish the lust from the love, especially when you have a long distance relationship.
my b/f and i started out like that. we wouldn't see eachother for like 3-4 months, then we'd get to spend a week together. we spend that week having lots of sex...lol.
only b/c we got to talk on the phone or computer but weren't able to have the physical part of our relationship.
just try imagining your life w/out her and see how you feel.

[WallyLlama]

A couple of related opinions:

There are many different kinds and forms of love. The Greeks have some 7 different words that all loosely translate as "love." So the answer to your question is probably, "Yes. You do love her."

But the bigger question is "are my feelings for this person of the sort that make me want to build a lifetime relationship with her?"

Love is a feeling and, as such, it defies most logic. But when people seek to determine if they're "in love" it sometimes means they are ignoring logic and that is done at great risk.

As has been suggested in previous posts, loving someone is not a sufficient basis for staying with them forever. That's called a relationship. It may be formed because of love, but the relationship requires logic and discipline and work.

The person you love today is going to change (and so are you). So there's another question in this... when those changes happen are you still going to love the person? So many times we love what a person does more than we love the person. What happens if they stop doing it?

I don't mean to complicate the question, but I do think these are all part of deciding how deeply you love some one and whether or not you love the essence of that person.

This may be one of those situations where asking the right questions is nearly as important as answering them.

Wally

[vagabondprince]

This is brilliant! the kind of thing i was really looking for...

I was not really seeking a definite yes or no answer to my question. I have a pretty good idea already without any help. I asked the question more because i was contemplating things and it was driving me crazy, had to do something to get it off my mind.

I visited my girlfriend last weekend and had an awesome time. I knew i had missed her, but until i hugged her for the first time in two months i didn't realize how very much i really had missed her. then as she was driving me back to the airport at the end of the weekend my mind started to wander to the future, and my dumb self had to bring it up in convo. she didn't say anything that made me believe she felt she definitely wouldn't be in my future as a significant other(as in five or ten years down the road), but as i sat and thought about it i really didn't see it happening as i had seen it a couple of times in the past. in the airport i couldn't help but wonder if we would even be together once school started back up, and wondering whether it would be better to stay with her or end it to ease future heart ache. All these thoughts swam through my head the rest of the evening, prompting me to post this thread.

Talking with others and further contemplation have allowed me to see that all that stuff in the future doesn't matter at all at the moment. I love her and am in love with her now, and that is all that really matters...or at least i suppose

[Greendale]

IMO, true love is nothing but one thing, staying married to the same person for the rest of your life. That is what true love is.