Boyfriend broke up with me

[monie]

I am very upset about this. A few nights ago, I got home from work and my bf was sitting on the couch. He had said earlier that we needed to talk. Then he started saying how the apartment was a mess and it seemed like I never did any work in it. I let him know that I clean the entire apartment on every day off i have from work. He said it obviously wasnt good enough for me to notice. Then we wound up getting into an arguement that spun around many topics- most of which i cant even remember now. The arguement ended with him leaving to "take a walk" and me going into the bedroom crying. It was so bad that I stopped breathing and fell on the floor. He came back shortly after and tried to call 911. But I got myself together, and we sat down to talk. He said that maybe we were just too different to be together. He said that neither one of us has been very happy since we moved in. I tried to tell him that it was just stress, but he wouldnt listen. At first he was saying that we just needed to take a break for a while so we can both figure ourselves out. We slept together that night, but the next day he moved into the spare bedroom. Then he started saying how we should date other people as a "test" to see if we are really meant for each other. So, we are officially broken up.
I have gottne very depressed over this. I do not want to date other people, I just want my baby back. He says it is for our own good. He seems happy- like he got over it in 2 days. Yes, he cried a bit at first, but now he seems totallt fine and even told me not to be surprised if he was dating someone else soon.
The bottom line here is- I have no idea what to do. I feel that I am slowly becoming depressed again. Ive cried my eyes out every sinlge time ive been alone- even once on my lunch break at work. We agreed to remain friends and he says he will always love me. I really want him back, but he is adamant about this. How can I get over him, but still be his close friend and still live with him? (I have nowhere else to go, by the way.) I really need some help/ I dont wanna become depressed again, and i dont wanna wind up in a rebound relationship with someone else. I also cant stand the thought of him with another girl. What should I do? I really need some help fast.

[LittleFury]

Hey, msg me on any of messangers and we'll talk. I don't think that I could give a good advice on this through a post, so don't be shy, msg me, and I;ll try to catch you so we could chat.

[WallyLlama]

I agree with Fury... this is probably beyond the scope of a posted reply. I'm quite sure most of us on the board wish we could help and would certainly be willing to try.

Almost any general advice will sound patent and lame, but from your post it sounds like this is now all about you - he's moved on. It is possible that he's unconciously monitoring your reaction... there might be some value to showing him that you can handle this. But you really need to be very selfish and figure out what's best for Monie, then take care of yourself and make it happen.

I know how easy it is to say that. I sense it will be very difficult to do.

From a practical perspective, I think your living arrangements are your biggest issue. It will be all too easy to be miserable living with him in the next room... particularly when he starts bring women home (he's sorta warned you). I suspect you either have to get very tough or get out.

Wally

[demonbuttercup]

id tell him to move out since he's the one leaving and wanting to change everything.
and if b/c of money etc you have to keep living together i would set ground rules that you can't bring home g/f's and b/f's. that would be just too weird!!!!
and especially rude on his part.
if he told you not to be surprised about him dating someone new probably means he already has a new g/f picked out.
but like i said, i wouldn't put up w/ him throwing it up in my face in my own house. some things are sacred. and if you can't even be comfortable in your own home, wondering who/what he'll bring home, thats no way to live.

[Tessie]

(((Hugs Monie))) I am so sorry for you pain. Only time will help and you deciding that you can do better and deserve to. I agree with Wally that living with him in the same place will be very hard for you unless you develop a thick skin and get on with your life.

Take care of you first.

[Greendale]

This is a pathetic reason to break up with someone. My god. Over a messy house??? LOL. Some people has issues and your boyfriend is a loser. Forget him and move on to someone else, he's just going to keep blaming you for not picking up messes. He just wants you to do all the work for him so he can be a couch potatoe in front of the TV.

[duckie]

Hugs Monie!

Greendale although very stupid, unfortunately, it does happen. My neice who has been married for 4years and has a 3yr old and a 8mo. old was just told by her husband that he wanted a divorce and that she and the kids needed to move out immediately. His reason was that she never keep the house clean. I know. I couldn't believe it either! But sticking to the issue at hand. Yes it does happen.

Monie, what exactly are the living arrangements? Did you 2 start renting as a couple or did one of you move in with the other who already was renting your current apt? I agree that if you must continue living under the same roof, which won't be easy, there are some ground rules that should be set.

I also agree that now would be the time to take care of yourself and make time for yourself. You don't need to find another relationship just because he says that you both should date other people. Try to focus on yourself and take it day by day. If it means taking a walk in the park to get some fresh air - do it. You'll be glad you did. Start to look for things that you like or would like to do personally, it will help you in the long run.

I know that it is easier said then done esp. since we're not going through the situation that you're going through right now. But, the main thing is DON'T let it consume you're life!
Please, I mean this from the bottom of my heart, you'll find that the depression will be much worse if you do.

Also, maybe journal might help you get through or at least work through some of this and help out in the long run.

Also, friends and family and all of us hear. Don't be affraid to ask for help and seek support that's what we're hear for.

One day at a time. There will be good days and bad days. Each day is a fresh day.

Hugs Monie!

Donna

[monie]

Well the reason for the breakup was NOT the mess. It was the fact that we were fighting over something that dumb. We had been getting into stupid, pointless arguements over meaningless things. So we pretty much decided that we didnt want to wind up becoming one of those couples that fight every single day over stupid crap and dont even enjoy their relationship. I guess we just need some time apart to discover what we each really want.
This past monday, I had a day off. I was too tired to go anywhere (gotta walk everywhere), so i was stuck in the apartment alone all day. In the afternoon, I started thinking about how much I missed the good times in the relationship, and how i missed the way it was in the beginning. Then I started to think about the possibility of him getting serious with another woman, and i got even more upset. To make a long story short, i wound up punching the wall about 10 times in a row. Im surprised it didnt break. Well anyways for me htis is usually a sign of slipping into depression (I have had countless bouts of depression, so ive been able to pick out warning signs.) Well after i calmed down a bit, I took a long bath, something i love to do. Then i went to the gas station and got myself a cappucino. A while later, I pulled out apen and paper and wrote a letter to my ex. I didnt intend to give it to him, just a way of getting my feelings out. It wound up being 3 pages long. Well it madew me feel a whole ot better. I told my ex about what i had done. He was worried, and made me promise to control myself next time. Well i havent cried once since monday, and now i am actually seeing the possible advantages of this. I can get some time to make new friends, to have fun, to discover myself and what i really want fron life. I hung out with him all day today. He cooked a special lunch and dinner for us. He knows that i like music very much, so he installed a file sharing program on his computer for me. He is trying to make this easy for the both of us, and i think it is working.
And dont worry, we set down ground rules. Neither one of us is allowed to bring a gf/bf over to the apartment. We will not describe new relationships in detail. Neither one of us really sees ourselves in another relationship anytime soon. We know that it would be best to just stay single so we can clear our heads and figure some things out. And we agreed not to hide things from each other- to maintain an honest communication. And we both can do whatever we want, as long as it follows those ground rules. Right now he is at a friends house for the night (dont worry- a males house). We realize we both need to get out and have soem fun and discover what we really want. And if it winds up being each other, then thats what we'll get.
And to let you know- we moved in together as a couple. So why did you ask that?
So im trying to do things for myself. When i get my paycheck, im gonna finally get my haircut, and im gonna buy myself some new clothes (which i really need). And im gonna try to hang out with some people from my job- maybe go to a party or something.
Well now im gonna go watch Whose Line and then take a hot bath. Thanks for all your support- continued feedback would be much appreciated.
thanks.

[Greendale]

All couples do that, they all fight over the smallest and dumbest things that are not worth fighting for. It's part of a relationship. But there is no reason to break up over something small and stupid. As I said, your boyfriend, um ex-boyfriend, is a total loser for dumping you.

If I had a steady girlfriend who I loved to death, I wouldn't dump her because we argued over stupid small things.

Just move on and find someone else, to me, this guy sounds like an assclown, and if you continue to stay with him, he will continue to act like that.

Do yourself a favor and find yourself another guy that won't argue over dumb and small things.

[monie]

Well I guess Im gonna update you all. Last week, he went to a friend's house from work- a female friend. He said he would be back either the next day or the day after that. When that Friday came and he still hadnt showed up, I was a little worried if he was ok. I decided to go buy soem clothes as a way to get out of bed- it was 2pm and i was still just laying there. Well the only place around here with clothes is where he works. So i said f**k it ill just go get some clothes and find out when he's gonna be back. So I did. He seemed annoyed that I was there, and told me he was gonna be back after work the next night. This girl was there the whole time. Then he went on break with her and told me to go home. Well I was a little pissed but i kept shopping anyways. As i shopped, i started to get a sharp pain in my knee, so i had to go out and wait for the bus. I was waiting for like 45 min. then i saw him come outside helping a costumer. When he came back in, he noticed me, and he darted away. Then the next night he still wasnt home at 1am. Then I got a phone call. It was him, saying he wasnt coming home because the girl's cat was sick and he was gonna take care of it. I knew this was bullshit so I just hung up the phone. Then the next day his mom called me saying that his work called and said that he never came in. I got worried because he would normally call in if he was sick. Well nobody got a hold of him at all. I decided that it was finally time to call my sister and tell her about all of this (I hadnt told anybody- i guess it didnt fully hit me yet.) I cried and cried when i told her. She wanted to come get me that night to move in with her and my grandfather. I was going to, but i decided i had to take care of some things here first (my job, school, etc.) So i am getting picked up next week to sleep on my grandfather's living room floor. Well later that night he called me. He told me he hadnt been at work because he was having anxiety attacks all day. I asked him straightforward why he gave me that bullshit. He told me that he asked out the girl from work and she said yes. That was pretty much all of our convo, except for me telling him he had no consideration for other people' feelings. So i was crying for so long that night, until I fell asleep. The next day I decided I was gonna go live with my grandpa, go to college there, and not come back here. Well lastnight he came by to get some clothes. he asked me if i hated him. I told him no, i cant hate you. But I am very hurt and dissapointed in everything. I then told him my plans. He was shocked that I wasnt coming back. He asked if he could have the number where I was staying, and i said yes. He kept hugging me, and he even gave me a kiss. All while his new girlfriend is sitting in the car. Well this made me realiz a couple of things. First, he has changed very much. He is nothing like the guy I fell in love with. Also, I miss the old him very very much. But I know that that person is gone forever. And that new girl, or any future girlfriend he may have, will never have what I did with him. And I know the best thing for me is to get out of here so I can heal and move on with my life. I guess I will stay in contact with him sometimes, just to see how he's doing. Maybe. I dont know yet.
Well i have been very depressed. I havent been eating or sleeping that much. I've been mostly sitting around crying. I feel a little better after talking to my sis, and now that I have found a way out. But im very upset that i will never know the guy he used to be, and that I will probably never see him again. Its just so hard to realize that things will never be the same.
Well I guess thats everything. If I think of something I have not said, I will update you guys. Thanks.