Higher sex drive then partner..what to do?

[Tallulah]

Recently it seems to be that my sex drive is about double of what my boyfriend's is. When I talked to him about it tonight he said to me "That's too bad." and "I'm afraid if we have sex every day it will get boring". We've been together for five years and this is just beginning to become a problem. I think maybe (jeez he'd kill me if he ever found me saying this on here!) Just maybe I would not feel the need to do it so often if the times that is did happen lasted longer.....(usually I get about 2-5 minutes of intercourse,even though he seems to have convinced himself that it's at least 5 minutes or longer)
is that not alot of time or am I expecting too much? he's the only person i've ever been with so I wouldn't know. any advice is appreciated.


Tallulah

[WallyLlama]

You absolutely are not expecting too much.

I suspect the women on the board will attack your bf's "that's too bad" attitude, so I will leave that to them. You deserve more in terms of a reaction to your talk and you deserve more in terms of the sex itself.

I will say that as a guy, a woman with a "high sex drive" is an incredible turn on. I'm currently in a "relationship" (it's a long story LOL) with a woman who has this incredible desire morning, noon, and night. I would never have expected it, but when I look at her and see the fire in her eyes, I "spring" to life. I honestly didn't think I had it in me. (I'm not exactly a teenager. LOL)

Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying you are responsible for turning him on. I am saying that he seems to have a rather unusual attitude for a guy... including the theory that if you have it everyday it will get boring. (I'd ask him what possible basis he has for that theory -- it sounds like it's already a little boring. LOL)

Seriously, I think you need to expand your "talks" with him and find out where is head is regarding sex and relationships in general. The answers he's given you so far are something of a "cop out" and sound like dismissal. I also think it's important that you said this is a recent problem after five years. That suggests something has changed. It might be important to discover what it is.

Most people err on the side of cheating themselves out of what they deserve. Don't.

Wally

[Brauul]

I agree completely with wally (ahem who wouldn't)...Anway I am a HUGE advocate for talking things out. And I mean talking EVERYTHING out. I can't stand people that are too shy to talk about their feelings or anything else with their partner. I would of course say talk to him and see just what is so boring about sex every day. Maybe he is having problems that he doesn't want to talk about. Anxiety can play havoc on everything around you if you can't control it (things like poor work condtions or simply poor health for one reason or another). As far as the stamina goes for actual intercourse? That may be the biggest problem. He convinced himself that he was lasting 5 minutes? My question would be, what else has he convinced himself of? After 5 years there shouldn't be performance anxiety, but there still could be some form of sexual anxiety maybe related to how he may not feel turned on every night or may not have the same drive as you. Again I would suggest talking but, you may also want to try mixing things up. Have a night of wild sex then the next just cuddle and watch a movie and see where that goes...Next night see about having a romantic dinner, then the next night maybe have a sensual massage. I would hope that by offering different things, he wouldn't feel like he was in a rut. But of course these are just my ramblings and should be taken lightly since I am not an expert in these things...Just a nice and VERY lucky guy (just wish I felt lucky all the time heh)

[makebeleiveguru]

OH MY GOD!!! You need to talk to this guy and tell him your needs. He seems to be maniplating what you want into what he wants with the statement of... i only get in 2-5 minutes of intercourse.. and then HE seems happy or soemthing like that. Girl! Stand up for yourself and say im not happy i would like it to be longer and tell him what you need. If i were you i would be horny as hell too and even hornier then him. Communication is the key and you need to talk to him calmly about what you want and what you expect and if you both don't see clearly then, one of you has to change or get out for the other one's sake. Tell him it hurts when you say .. that's too bad if we have sex every night it will get boring. Tell him what u told us, if you can't do that and be honest and open then there is something wrong there.