I'm moving...11 month relationship

[kevin83]

Hey guys,

In september this year, i'm moving to go to University. This means my girlfriend will be in another country all together. I won't be able to see her half as much as i used to. The only oppertunities i will get to see her will be when i return during holidays, possibley about 3 times a year.

As some of you already know, i have trust issues. She's getting to that age where she's gonna be drinking more, and going to parties and proms and the sort. I really don't want to lose her. And the sort of person i am, i don't think i could accept her back after having cheated on me. I know that's my own fault, but i just really don't want to lose her because she's the only girl i've ever loved, and i intend to see out the rest of my life with her.

So i'm going away for 4 years, and i'm only gonna get to see her about 3 times a year. That's 12 times in 4 years.

I was wondering if anyone has any advice. I want to keep her, i'll do anything it takes to make this work, because YES i do want her SO BADLY. I've told her i'm not even going to be looking for another partner when i move, because i want to come straight back to her.

The only thing is that i feel concentrating on making a relationship work could cause me to stray from my uni life, and i know it will take alot of work and effort to suceed in.

Anyone really any advice, anyone ever had a long distance relationship work out? What should i do? What would be the best thing to do?

I'm really worried about losing her.

Kev.

[WallyLlama]

Kev... Sorry you haven't had more responses to your question. The board has been less than cooperative lately, maybe that's part of the problem.

My advice doesn't really change much from your previous thread.

I think a long-distance relationship CAN work, but it requires a lot of maturity and realistic expectations.

Part of that means defining what "cheating" means. In your other thread you had some problems with her wanting to study with another guy. I'm not sure a not long-distance relationship can survive those kinds of standards.

What's missing in this post is her perspective. You and her need to sit down and discuss what happens during this prolonged absence. If you can arrive at an agreement on what you'll each do and not do, it CAN work. I'm guessing you'll have to grant her some freedoms... I doubt that she'll want to act like a nun for four years and have no contact with other people, including guys.

I'm not sure how concentrating on the relationship will distract you from your university life, unless you spend all your time worrying about what she's doing. Since you won't be out dating and carousing, you'll actually have more time to concentrate on studies. Part of the agreement you have to reach is what level of contact you can realistically maintain. Do you call? email? IM? write letters? How often?

I'm not describing a contract, obviously. If you both agree that you want to keep the relationship going, you need to work out what that means and how you are going to do it.