JEALOUS BOYFRIEND

[Bewitching]

Hey people,

I have a boyfriend who is SO jealous, it's only just started to occur to me just how jealous he is (almost insanely jealous) and i feel it's getting worse.

I have always been the kind of chick who was "one of the boys" and got along with guys more than most gals.

Problem is, whenever i want to go out with my 'girlfriends', my man gets all mopy and cut (jealous) because he thinks that i'm going to go out and cheat on him which i could NEVER EVER DO! *Also, if i wanna catch up with my old school mates (guys) then automatically he thinks i'm into one of them which will NEVER be true!!!

I tell him ALL the time that i would never be unfaithful to him and after 2 years of being together, you'd think he'd realise that by now.

I love my man SO MUCH, nobody would have any idea on how much i do. He is absolutely everything to me, but it's getting to that point where his comments and thoughts are really starting to hurt me a lot because i know full well that i am not the woman he thinks i could be. *I've also brought this to his attention and he says he'll try and stop and improve only he hasn't.

What can i do or say to him to make him realise that he's the only man i want in my life and there's nothing to worry or get jealous about. *I love him so much, but as i have told him, we're never going to get anywhere if he keeps acting like this.

Guys opinions would be awesome, but gals, dont hesitate to help, your opinions will also be most greatly appreciated.

thanks everyone!

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

hmm its me again.. lol Hmm, what i would do if he said that to me when i was ready to leave, i would ask him if he was trying to work on what we talked about. and i woud state.. "I love you, You know i love you,You love me I know this.. that should be a big enough indicator that we would not do anything to hurt eachother intentionally"
but serious, you should be aloud to go out with all your friends, im the same way all my friends are pretty much Guys, i dont like girls.. really as friends. lol they are too yea.. you know.. but maybe suggest him going out? or finding something to do, because if he is gonna sit and mope about the house... there is no point in that..

but maybe its time to bring up the issue of trust? because most people who are Jealous like that.. are well.. non trusting of their partner.

[Bewitching]

Jamie, you're a darl! Thanks for helping me out heaps!

He has lost my trust from the time i told him about my regrets (which i'm sure you'll remember) but even before then, he would tell me just how much he trusts me, but then get 'worried' that i'll run off on him.

He always said "it's not you i dont trust, it's the other guys" and because i was 'drunk' etc. last time (when we weren't together) he thinks i'll get drunk again and do something totally stupid. I've also told him that when i'm drunk all i think about is him, which is entirely true, and which is why i had regrets when we weren't together because i know myself i wasn't over him and i hurt myself by trying to move on too quickly. And i know that we are together which is why i could never do something like that to either of us.

When you're in love, you dont care about anyone else, despite what state you are in. If i was stupid enough to cheat on him in the first place then it would prove that i didn't love him.

I've just REALLY gotta try and get him to loosen up a little!

I think we do need to go out more without each other, that's one thing for sure.

I still need more solutions!

[WallyLlama]

Good Luck, you're gonna need it. You can't "fix" some one else's jealousy and insecurity. Been there, tried that and finally got a divorce. (I deluded myself into thinking jealous indicated love. It does not. It indicates insecurity and the need to control.)

Maybe there's hope... but you're hoping for a lot of maturity. I can tell you the one thing that won't work and that's letting him make it your problem. You may be able to negotiate some compromises, but don't allow his problem to control your life.

Wally

[LittleFury]

If you want my honest opinion, from what I've heard about what has been going on with you and your bf, I would reccomend doing the same thing as I did with my ex. PAck my things and leave. I'm afraid that there seems not to be much that you can do. HE should know how much you love him and how much you are devoted to him. But as you say, you fear that he's getting worse. THat never a good thing. And you would think that after you guys took a break it would get better, but it seems to be getting worse. Sorry, I might be wrong, but at the moment, this is what I'm seeing. ANd I know you love him, I understand, but think with your head for just a moment. Is he the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Would you want to have childer with him and raise them together. THink those things with your head before letting heart interfear. THat could clear up some things.
Anouther thing...are you scared of him, even if just a little.

I hope this didn't upset you too much. *Hugs* You can always pm me or catch me on MSN. Good luck and be strong

[archer]

only one thing to say :

you cant ever completely change anyone. unfortunately i agree with littlefury, i rekcon you should leave.

[Rawbob]

I agree! Time to Kick him to the CURB! I'm supporting one of my best female friends thru this exact scenerio.

He's a controlling, insecure guy, that has just made her life (and her kids lives) unbearable. She told him last nite that she was filing for divorce because of his controlling, and unacceptable behaviour.

Make sure u have a few good friends to support you, and STAY FIRM! Don't fall for the "i'll change, i'm sorry baby, I just love you" ...CRAP!

If you have done nothing wrong, you don't deserve to live in a virtual jail, or have to fight to just come and go as u please! Hang in there...be tough! There ARE other guys out there - ones who WILL apprecaite your love.

[vagabondprince]

ok, i'm speaking now as one of those jealous types. i have the same problem as bewitching's bf to a degree. I don't bring it up to her very often, and i usually try to keep it totally covered up because i don't want to hurt her, but it's just the way i feel about things. i have tried over the course of my relationship with my current gf to quell these feelings, but anytime she's out partying without me or out with her girlfriends the feelings that she may find someone else or get drunk and do something stupid is always there. I wish there was some way I could help, but i have the same problem and don't know what to do about it myself. if there is anyone there that can actually help with the situation bewitched's bf and i are having instead of telling her to give up what seems to be an otherwise decent long term relationship, I would greatly appreciate it, and i'm sure bewitched probably would as well

[demonbuttercup]

vagabond
im sure it all starts w/ yourself. trying to improve your self esteem and feeling that you are good enough and that someone would actually want to be w/ you.

on the other hand, from previous posts i know your jealousy has root b/c your g/f is planning on "taking a break" over the summer and you WILL have something or someone to be jealous of.

[Bewitching]

As much as i'm taking in the consideration of the others, i have to agree with vagabond to the fact that there are many people out there with the same problem and something can be done to help.

I've tried looking the net for souceful info and the two things that i've come up with is a very successful book to do with changing your jealousy and possession, and also "Metta Meditating". *It's going to be very hard to address something like these as the person that he is, he may feel even weaker than what he is.

Sometimes i wish i could just ring his ex gf's neck for causing a lot of this, as well as the ungrateful b*tches his best mates went out with who also cheated. *Why is this world turning to cheating?? It not only makes us think twice about "trusting" someone, but it makes us feel insecure with ourselves, thinking we're not "good enough" or something.

I do love him, and no i am not scared of him. *There's no holding back on who i go out with, but seeing him hurt makes me hurt. He doesn't have to talk to let me know how he feels, i just look at him and know exactly what he's thinking.