needing sex

[max2plus3]

I want more sex then my husband. He is always making excuses or stays up till he thinks I am asleep. He says it's his age 48. I am 43.
I can't keep from thinking of sex all the time. We have great sex when we do it. I just want it more and more.
Any thing i can do better? I have done just about everything. The rejection is taking it's toll on me. We have been toghter for 19 years.

[max2plus3]

THANKS.

[Jmac18]

Hi, I'm not married, nor have i ever expeirenced what you are going through but I may have some advice. Could it possibly be that your sex life, although feeling great, isn't exciting anymore? Maybe you should try new things. There are plenty of kinky things out there to turn on men one of which might just jump start your husband and give you your sex life back. If you aren't into those type of things then maybe you should just spontaneosly jump on him. I know nothing turns me on more than when I come home from work and my girlfriends just jumps on me. I'm sorry if I'm not help full. I iwsh you the best of luck.
Joe

[LittleFury]

Hmmm, you know it sounds a bit fishy to me. I mean...you've been married to 19 years, he's only 48 and he waits until he thinks that you're asleep and makes excuses. That thing raises a huge red flag in my brains. I think it's time to have a real heart to heart talk with him, and a visit to a marrige counsler. It could be mny things. JUst talk to him, and see what he says.

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

IM with Fury on this.. to me it feels..
"odd" and i think you feel the same.. and it is fishy...hmm have you asked him? And luv, i can't blame ya.. for feel in that way *HUGGGGGGGG* i hope you work everythin out.


jamie

[?wiseman?]

max2plus3, my wife and I are both in our mid 40s, and I can only offer the knowledge of what I've read about so that I can keep on my toes when I see the signs in myself or my wife.

While LittleFury, Lady and Jmac have done their best to help, I'm not sure they're aware of the changes that us old folks go thru. It's far more complicated than what we faced in our 20s and 30s.

As you know, most men reach their sexual peak long before they reach forty, while women are still going strong, generally, into their late 30s to early 40s. Unfortunately the guy/gal upstairs kinda messed up on synching our sexual drives.

p/s- I didn't want to go back and read thru this so sorry for any typos.

I guess one question that I would ask is how often DO you have sex? That'll kinda put things into context here. I mean, realistically, if you're having sex once a week, you're probably above the norm. If you're having sex once a month, you're probably a little below the norm. Another question is- Does your husband think he has a problem? Have you noticed any change in his ability to perform?

In any event, here are some things to think about:
1. The older your H becomes, the more physical factors and stress intervene.
2. After 20-years, the simple act can become rote and boring. Have you introduced any new sexual activities into your bedtime play? At my age, the simple anticipation that something's gonna happen later that night turns me on.
3. Is he drinking excessively? Alcohol and smoking really begin to impact the sex drive at his age.
4. Does he masterbate often? This seems to interfere with some men, but actually help others.
5. Is he spending an inordinate amount of time on the computer, possibly looking at pornography. While I have nothing against moderate veiwing habits, it can have a tendancy to desensitize some men and they actually project their sex life thru the porn.
5. There is always the possibility that he is getting it someplace else, but if you see no evidence of this, then you shouldn't pursue it.

Finally, this problem can sometimes go in cycles so if it's something that's just recently manifested itself, it may just blow over.

BUT, the number one rule still applies- Try to talk with your husband about this. Understand, from him, why this is happening and maybe you two can plot a course that will get you where you both want to be.

[snake-iii]

I'm married as well and I can relate with you 100 percent. I've been married for just over 5 years now and things have been great, except for the sex. I want sex all the time, but my wife always seems to have an excuse, too tired, or not in the mood. I use to try to engage her in sex several times a day, but with all the excuses and rejection I only try 2 ro 3 times a month now and still I am rejected. I have come to a conclution that she is a "Sex Camel" one night of sex will last her for a couple of months.
We have both started going to the gym and jogging recently and I have noticed an increase in our energy levels. after a good work out or jog we both feel great and this seems to help stimulate her sexual appitite. Don't get me wrong its not as much as I would like, but at least this is a start. I don't know if this will help but it can be a definite step in the right direction.

[WallyLlama]

A certain amount of sex drive is, in fact, physical and I think the 40's are times of change. As a relationship matures and a body ages, it's not unusual for a couple to get out of synch.

I remember getting a call once from a good male friend who teased that he needed help, he couldn't keep up with his wife. She admitted he was right (not that I should help, but that he couldn't keep up LOL) and while she couldn't explain it, she was rather enjoying it!

Seduce him. "Rape" him. Enjoy some self-pleasure... in time you may discover that the roles are reversed.

Wally

[Rawbob]

I'll chime in from the GAY perspective! I'm 42, my partner is 36, we have been togther for 7 years.

I love the "sex camel" line, and i've heard it before, but i prefer a different perspective: The Tides of Sex. My partner and I are very sexual. Not a day goes by where we aren't either joking about sex or a body part or groping each other tesaingly. That said, our sex life is more like the Ocean Tides. There are times when we have sex every day of the week, sometimes more than once a day...and then there are times when we'll go a couple weeks without sex (ps: i'm talking the full monty)


That said, i'll approach this from two perspectives: Sex vs. Affection and Quality vs Frequency.

Sex vs Affection: I know that even at my "advanced" age of 42, that sex is and always will be important. But, I will tell you that i've found the love of affection to be just as important. Even after 7 years together, we say I love you every day - almost every time we talk on the phone! At home we sit on the couch, and throughout the nite will exchange affection from a peck on the cheek to a sensual grope. It also makes lovemaking more rewarding because it's more about the LOVEMAKING then just f***ing! (dont' get me wrong, sometimes we just f*** because thats hot too, but 9 out of 10 times it's more lovemaking - i think thats a healthy balance for us.

Quality vs. Frequency: I don't think i need to rant too much on this. But, as men, we do seem to want sex all the time. And since sex requires 2 people, i'd rather have 3 or 4 quality lovemaking sessions a month, than 30 "wham bam" sessions. Yea, it's a cumshot, and yea, it feels good for a few min, but i always feel

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

wow.. Rawbob, IM TOTALLY WITH YOU ON THAT... i would TOTALLY love to just.. have a sexuallyintimate moment.. that you feel everything and its sensual and what not.. the affection the care.. and what not as aposed to.. a good ol fuk, but.. really.. you need some of those LOLbut yea, I TOTALLY AGREE with you.. lol whole heartedly.

peace.
Jay