Ex-boyfriend's Mother...likes to cause trouble...

[Bewitching]

My ex man's mother has recently been lying about me and my family, accusing us that we've been not appreciating the things my ex and his family has done for me over the last 2 years or so, and better still, saying that we think my ex and his family are "ripping" me off my monies.

This is a total load of bulls#*t, it honestly is. *I've done NOTHING BUT show all my appreciation to them. *I've bought them gifts, constantly said 'thank you' after they have gone out of their way for me and after they kept saying "you dont have to thank us" and my response - "It's my way of showing that i appreciate everything you guys have done for me". *I did this on more than numerous occasions, and the day my ex broke up with me, i said to him "Can i speak to your parents one last time to say thank you for everything" etc. *and i called that afternoon and let it all out.

My ex's mother wrote me a letter saying how much it saddens her that me and my family could think this way, when all i can say is "How dare she?". *We have NEVER done anything to ever make her think that way, let alone said a thing to her.

The part where she said that me and my family accused them of ripping me off: *She said the same thing last week on the phone to me (it was regarding rent money when my ex and i were together), and i already explained to her at that time what the story was, because she was WAY out of line. *To this day, i still can't work out where she got that accusation from.
Because of this, my ex is going to think i've been trying to screw him over, when i've done nothing but the right thing the whole way through this break up, INCLUDING the rent situation.

I want to have it out with this bitch, but because i already explained it to her last week, it seems she just didn't want to listen and contradict everything that i said. *She is known for this kind of behaviour, as well as being a TOTAL drama queen. *In my opinion, it's not worth going to her because i feel that i just wont get anywhere, HOWEVER, i want my ex to be sure that what she said is wrong and i want us to have a true understanding. *There's so many reasons i want him to know, it's got to do with us (being friends in the future as he had planned at the beginning), it's got to do with his friends which are also mine, and i do not want anybody to think that i'm being the bitch here, screwing everyone over when all i've done is the right thing.

I just dont know what to say! *i can't call him anymore cuz he just doesn't have the patience, but i know he will read an email/letter. *Knowing his mother, if sent a letter to his house, she would open it and read it first and deny the whole thing, because i have witnessed it before!! So i feel an email is the only way to go (in consideration of my privacy).

I want to write to him and explain it all without mentioning his mother all the time and writing it in first person to explain the truth. *I just dont know what to say and how to go about saying it. *

Any help either with the writing part, or even the situation would be REALLY greatly valued, because i am just so frustrated that it's not funny. *Honestly, if there is one thing in life that i HATE, is being accused and most definately not deserving one bit of it.

[?wiseman?]

Take a deep breath Bewitching. Ignore it for now. I know your post was a vent, but writing a letter or even speaking to these folks right now will only make the situation worse. Wait until cooler heads prevail. Who gives a damn what your exes parents think anyway.

When things cool down, have a conversation with your ex ONLY. Don't point fingers, don't accuse, don't become defensive. Simply tell him that it's important to you that he understand that you've done none of what's been said about you. End of story. Don't bring his mom into it. Simply tell him, then wait for his response.

[Bewitching]

?wiseman?, i really thank you for your input.

After speaking to a couple of other people i know personally, i feel that it is the best option to wait.

I've come to the strong point of not caring what my ex's parents think, and I'm more concerned about my ex having the understanding and not having her bellow lies in his ear.

I feel that yes, it is best to let things cool down, after all they seem to be very hotheaded at the moment.

The hard thing is, i can't just ring my ex and talk to him over the phone. *Just like his parents, he'll most likely tune out when i want to explain things, where as if i saw him in person, i could have a better idea as to whether he's listening to me or not. *However, i also feel that's not an option. *I've thought of a letter, but as i mentioned, his mother WILL get to the letter before him and open it, then i run the risk of him never seeing it. *So email i feel is the way to go...i hate using email for personal matters, i really do, i'm more of an "in person" kind of person, but i feel that may be the only way to go about it.

So i should wait till maybe after the weekend, early next week? I dont want to do it now, because as we know hot heads are running, but i dont want to leave it TOO late.

Again, thanks for the advice *

[?wiseman?]

Glad to hear I'm not too far off the mark. Given that it's such a delicate topic, I'd suggest that you try to arrange a face-to-face with him in a week or so. You can "bump" into him, use a friend to get the two of you together, or contact him directly in a manner that his parents cannot interfere.

Letters on things of this nature can often make things worse and come back to haunt you later. When you meet with him, face-to-face, remember the 10-second rule. If a point of contention comes up. Take a deep breath and 10-seconds to think thru your response. In the entertainment industry, this is the 7-second time delay that they use to bleep something out that shouldn't be aired on TV. Use the same time to bleep yourself before it all comes out.

good luck

[Bewitching]

Yeh, i thought about that also (writing will come back to haunt you). And thankfully, i've learned over time to take the time to think about how to say things. It's gonna be hard getting him to meet up with me, and i'd rather do it alone than get someone to help us meet up, so i'll try and do the best i can.

I'll let you know how it goes, and thanks for the luck, i'll need it!

And again, thanks for your advice.