Wife talking sex with ex

[Psyche's Lover]

My wife and I have been married for 2 months. *Recently her ex found out we were married and got angry at her for not telling him and she got upset over it for a little bit. *But now, she will talk dirty online with her ex and say that it didnt matter because it was "just words over the net." *I got suspicious and checked her email. *He asked her to write him a dirty story; she did. *He asked her if he could come up to pick up his things and...f*** her while he was in town...even though she is married. *We got a digital camera yesterday. *This morning while I was at the store, she took a picuture of her pussy and emailed it to him. *I dont know how to confront her about it because of everything involved in the snooping and the not trusting her and such, but I want her to stop it all. *Any suggestions on how to approach this subject with her?

P.S. We live in upstate NY, he lives in South NJ.

[demonbuttercup]

i would definetly be upset!!!
i had the same problem w/ my b/f and he was just talking dirty and sending naked pics to anonymous chicks he met online.
that upset me enough as it was , but if we were married and i found out he actually knew these chicks or had dated them i would be furious.
yes we debated over the whole "trust" thing. but he snooped in my stuff and i snooped in his.. so we both were guilty of that.
either way you have the right to snoop since she IS doiing something wrong.
also the b/f doesn't live too far away either.
id definetly have a long talk w/ your wife and set shit straight.
i mean how would she feel if you were doing the same thing? doesn't matter if its "just words over the internet" it still hurts the same as if it was over the phone or one on one.

i told my b/f how upset i was about it and he was sorry b/c he didn't even realize the extent of what he was doing and how much it hurt me. we both made a pack not to snoop on eachother. ive kept my side of the bargain so who knows he could or could not be doing the same ol shit again. i just hope he isn't

i mean esp since you guys have only been married 2 months.. you are tech still honeymooners and she is already straying?
im sorry all this is happening hopefully things will work out.

[Psyche's Lover]

I spoke with her about it. She apologized about it and said she wouldn't send pictures anymore but she was still upset that I snooped. She said that she didnt know why she did it, she just did. She changed her email password earlier today and I can only hope that she will keep her promise. She said that one of her reasons (which she mentioned to me before) was that she feels that she won't have any more wild days. I don't want her to feel that way, but I also don't want her to email dirty pictures to her ex for the excitement and "wild" aspect about it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

One thing that I tried last month that worked for a little bit was we went to a club together. We danced and drank, then came back home and had some amazing sex. I was thinking that maybe doing the wild stuff with me might help sedate her craving for excitement until she outgrows it. What do you all think about that idea?

[demonbuttercup]

how old are your wife and you???
my thoughts are if she was questioning giving up the "wild days" of having more than one sexual partner...etc. she shouldn't have gotten married yet.
for the most part when people get married they are over that time in there life and are ready to settle down.
did you guys get married too young?

[Psyche's Lover]

we were both 21 when we got married. I turned 22 earlier this month. I don;t think it is the sex thing that she is concerned about more of the doing things that are..i guess the sort of wild and stupid associated with our age group. We may have gotten married too young or too soon. We are both mostly happy with the marriage. The only fault is that wish to do things that are crazy and stupid. My main goal right now is to find something to appease those wishes while still keeping it monogamous. For instance, later tonight I plan to whisk her out to the tennis court in the complex where we live with a couple blankets to do something a little crazy and stupid. Sunday the 26th her mother and stepfather are taking us on a disney cruise together. I am going to take her dancing everynight she is up to it and maybe continue at our room with a bottle of vodka. These are just examples the appeasement I had in mind.

[Rawbob]

I just read all yoru posts, and YES you should VERY MUCH stay engaged in helping to appease some of her sexual desires and to keep the sexual part of your marriage alive. Now, that also means SHE has some work too!

Clearly there is love (or there better be) between you two. Don't try and compete with her memories of her ex, you need to make more of your own!

It's good that you talk about it. But don't beat a dead horse! Keep the romance as well as the sex in your marriage. Talk about fantasies, yours and hers, and keep the lines of communication open!

[?wiseman?]

OK Psyche's Lover, this old man is going to take a much harder line.

Your wife is waaaayyyyy out of line, no ifs, ands or buts about it. Lay down the law. You've been married for two months and your wife is taking pictures of herself and emailing them to her ex-bf? You gotta be kidding me.

She's concerned about not having any more wild days? If I read her interpretation of wild days, why the hell did she get married?

Trust is actually a very tiny portion of the problem here. She's made it abundantly clear that she can't be trusted.

Both of you had best get to counselling NOW. She needs to figure out what she really wants in the marriage and why she's so hung up on this ex boyfriend. She had also best be prepared to have her "pictures" plastered all over the internet if and when she grows up and decides to fulfill her commitment to you, her husband. And you need to figure out why you feel the need to "appease" her.

"We are both mostly happy with the marriage." Guy, you're two months into your marriage and this is the way you view it? The two of you better sit down and figure out what you really want- and quickly.

Inane behavior like hers just really pisses me off.

(I'll tell you what I REALLY think in my next post)

[sexykitty]

First of all, the internet is a very dangerous thing when used incorrectly. *Your wife is totally out of line and has no right to be angry with you for snooping. *

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]She said that she didnt know why she did it, she just did. *She changed her email password earlier today and I can only hope that she will keep her promise. *She said that one of her reasons (which she mentioned to me before) was that she feels that she won't have any more wild days.

IMO your wife changing her password strikes a huge warning sign. *She has proved to you that she can not be trusted and if she is hiding her email that means that there is stuff in there that she doesn't want you to see. *If I were you I would be very clear with her that as long as she hides things that you aren't going to trust her and that your relationship can not be repaired. *

I would look long and hard at your relationship and figure out whether she is giving you as much as you are giving her. *She should not be talking dirty to anyone and should not be sending naked pics either. You have only been married two months and you are having issues like this, it makes me scared for you to think what the next issues will be.

Don't waste you time with someone who isn't worth it.

[Tjdude]

Only 2 months and she is already cheating on you?
Because that's cheating man, or at least the closes thing to it.
What will happen after 1 yr? What if you didn't found about the pics and the e-mails? Wise is right man. U better do something drastic or everyone in the net will end up knowing your g/f private parts better than u do.

Man!!!

[Psyche's Lover]

We went on the cruise and everything was great. *She spent a little bit more time with her mother than I would have liked (given that it was supposed to be a honeymoon for us), but nevertheless we both had a great time. *We went dancing every night. *We even joined a newlywed game style thing. *The only questions we differed on were the craziest place we had sex and my most annoying habit (and she admitted I had the better answer). *Afterwards we spent some time together before her stepfather and I drove back up Sunday. *She is staying in Orlando so she can spend some more time with her mother and attend a few events at Disney that she is dying to attend.
* * Since I got back, I got bored and went to see if she had any interesting sites in her favorites menu and found this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t27535/. *I know its her from the background she put in. *I know that the only way she will ever get over him is to stop communicating with him, but I have no clue how to get that done.
* * A few days later I got that weird tingle in my back again, so I checkd her email. *Turns out she sent him another story. *She covered her tracks by deleting the email she sent but he sent a reply saying that it was a good story but he wanted a different topic. *I don't know what to do anymore. *I'm sure that its all just words, but I still don't like it. *I don't want to divorce her because of how I feel about her, but I can't afford counseling since I am living off student loans (though I'm looking for a job). *I just don;t know what I should do...what I could do. *Any advice?