Relationship Longevity Tips

[ItalStall]

I'm sure we've all had those moments when we hit an impasse where we and our partner both believe we are right and neither wants to give in; or one of us is just too pig-headed to admit we are wrong. Does this sound familiar?

Occasionally even the most petty of things can develop into a melt-down of biblical proportions where partners aren't talking. How can we stop these day to day issues from developing into relationship-busters?

My wife and I have a pact from when we first met, designed to get us past these sticking points. Our trick sounds a little silly, and indeed that is partly why it works. I can tell you that it has pulled the bacon out of the fire for us more than once over the years! It is this:

If we have an argument and haven't resolved it by the end of the day, the last person into bed that night has to say "sorry". That's it! It doesn't matter what the argument was about or how strongly each believes themself to be right - if you are the last one in, you have to offer the olive branch. The person receiving the olive branch is obliged to accept it. All I can say is that this has worked the last 26 years.

It's so simple and yet so effective. No argument ever festers into another day and no-one has to admit to being wrong - just sorry for the hurt. It always works! Mind you, sometimes there is a mad scramble to be the first under the covers. The sheer silliness of it is sometimes enough to get us laughing and making up. Just knowing that we have to make up by the end of the day is sometimes enough to make us think what the heck and just say sorry.

How about sharing your tips for what has seen you through those times?

[Stephanie083099]

well, this happen with me and my b/f in the middle of our relationship up until the last year. we are both very stubborn. And after a while I just realized that argueing is pointless, seriously where does it get you. absolutely no where but all mad at the other person. Since I realized that we havent argued since. we will have confrontations but neither one of us will get loud or even say things that we regret later on. Thats the only advice I can say is just realize how pointless argueing is. If I really get mad at him, I'll walk away(or get off the phone), get calm, when I am calm, I'll talk to him and let him know how I felt. It works we havent argued in months maybe even a year.

[Tjdude]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (ItalStall @ May 09 2003,22:32)]... All I can say is that this has worked the last 26 years.

wow Italstall, that trick must realy work well for you guys. Your marriage is as long as my age *. But it is a realy good idea. i would like to try something like it, some day when i get married *

[?wiseman?]

This is a tough one for me to answer, because I think we've used different coping methods depending on the "argument." First off, we really don't argue that much, we just have a tendancy to "annoy" one and other sometimes. I think thru the years, we've pretty much uncovered each other's quirks and have learned to deal with them up to a point.

If the annoyance invokes and argument, we both have our say, take a few minutes of cooling off time, and then sit down and talk about it. Sometime's, we just agree to disagree and move on.
Not much wisdom here, but it's the best I can do.

[hereandnow]

Don´t Accept Name Calling!

There is only one purpose of name-calling, and that is to demean the person you´re calling a name. It makes it easier to dislike the person, to not empathize.

Do not allow name-calling in your arguments. If your partner starts calling you names, take a time out and agree to discuss the issue again later.

[Guido]

It used to be that when my wife brought up some problem, I would immediately try to fix it. For example, she would mention a difficult encounter with a coworker, and I'd say, "Well, why don't you just tell her..."

Finally one day my wife blurted out, "When I come to you with a problem, I don't want a solution! I just want you to listen and understand!"

I then realized what I had subconciously known all along; that she was quite capable of figuring out her own solution - she just wanted to know that I cared enough to listen and to empathize.

[ebony21]

Wow

This board is full of such great ideas. Im still in the "happy dappy" stage of my relationship, but i will remember all your good advice and ideas if i ever land in an arguement with my man.

keep writing, cos i'll keep reading!

[Psyche's Lover]

Lots of good tips. I will have to keep coming back here when the misses and I need some help or advice. We fight occasionally, usually over little things where the fight only lasts as long as the misdeed. I think that one key thing that many couples I've seen don't remember is to be understanding and forgiving. Whenever I screw up or forget something, I always apologize right away and try my best to fix the problem. She will stay a little aggrevated for a bit while she cools off but she does fairly quickly.

Another good tip is to keep up the little things. Almost every time I go to the grocery store, I spend an extra 50 cents for a rose and I always make sure there is a bouquet of (living) flowers on her desk. Little things like that which don't take much effort or money but nevertheless show that while you were out, you were thinking of her (or him).

[Kaelynn]

My boyfriend and I strongly love each other. I think that hasgot us through a lot. In fact, recently, we had this huge fight, over something I didn't even know what it was. He was a total dick, and he wouldn't tell me what I did. I broke up with him and I felt soo bad, and we are back together because I can't stand the thought of us being apart... although I still don't know what I did...

[demonbuttercup]

well then you betta ask somebody
can't go along not knowing whats going on.