Marriage

[Serotonin32]

I think the problem is is that people are in too big of a hurry to get married. They base it off of the initial romance, and really don't find out if they are actually fully compatible with the other person. Romance isn't the only thing. Values, financial issues, and trust have to be the same. My parents have been married for 15 years. I was born before they got married. They're currently getting ready for a divorce because of financial problems, and the romance is gone. Its sad that I know this, but my mom is one of my best friends. I plan on marrying my girlfriend, we've got a lot of things planned out, but I haven't just looked at the first phase of the relationship. We don't plan on getting married for a few years, we don't have a reason to rush anything. Marriage isn't out of style, people just forgot what it was for. Romance/sex isn't everything.

[albean]

I still haven't worked out marriage - whether i like the idea or not yet,- but luckily i'm only 16 so i have plenty of time to think about it. My current boyfriend (of about 8 months) is awesome. I love him to bits, and he loves me to bits as well. It is the best relationship i've even been in. But still, i'm only 16. I'm predicting that we'll be together for a looong time, and he's even mentioned marriage to me, but we're both pretty skeptical about the idea. I don't know why, it's not the fear of breaking up or anything, but marriage just doesn't appeal to me. I figure if i love someone so much, our love, energy and friendship will bind us together, why do i need a contract? I think a certificate or something gives some people the idea of, "oh, we have to stay together now, so i'll just stop putting my energy in.". A marriage certificate doesn't give you permission to be lazy, but i think that's what happens in a lot of relationships.
My parents have been married for probably 25 years or more, and they've had their rough times, and their really rough times, but they've stuck it out because they got married for all the right reasons, they're like best friends.
I think marriage or no marriage, all you need is love and dedication to keep together.

[ItalStall]

"My wife and I were happy for 25 years ... and then we met!" ... just kidding!

Seriously ... relationships seem to go through 3 stages ... if you GET to the 3rd you have a good chance for the long-term.

Stage 1: "I'll do everything for him/her" ... doesn't work ... feeling of being taken for granted and eventual resentment ... result, breakup or enter ...

Stage 2: "I will please myself, to heck with him/her" ... doesn't work ... barriers go up, feelings of love go down, more resentment ... result, breakup or (rarely) enter ...

Stage 3: "Give and take!" Please your partner as much as possible, but don't forget to please yourself too! This stage requires BOTH parties to think this way in order to work.

Seems to have worked for the last (almost) 23 yrs!

[speedcrazy1532]

nah, marriage isn't outdated, especially if your catholic and beleive that it is right to have sex within marriage, cause if you never marry your partner then you live in sin and then go straight to ####! lol, jk

i don't mean to sound like a preacher, but marriage may bring you and your partner closer and make the relationship ,more comfortable.

i plan to get married, some day, marriage is a great way to express your love to your partner and to show others that you love your partner.

[hereandnow]

what is all this nonsense about marriage being a good or bad thing? the answer is MUCH more simple!

man is the hunter-gatherer, woman is the nester-provider. not my idea and not popular in today's liberated society - but, so be it!

as such, man is much more interested in sowing his oats and behaving like a general neanderthal; women are equally interested in stopping him from doing the same! (no particular reason that i can tell - they just hate to see a guy having a good time without them).

ergo, marriage is an institution cherished by women as a means of keeping the old-boy in line at home (providing her and the children with food, security, etc), instead of him being out there clubbing everyone, creating havoc and exercising his in-built plilandering ways.

i hope i have cleared matters up to everyones satisfaction.

please note: i have lots of facts to substantiate my findings, but am only prepared to share them with other neanderthals who ?think? the same way!

[girlygirl]

An interesting point of view...but, if you look back at the other posts, you'll notice that the ratio of "like marriage" to "dislike marriage" is about the same for both sexes. *Not only that, but most of the people who don't like marriage still seem to support the idea of monogamy.

I, for one, am female and am not crazy about marriage, or monogamy for that matter. *Still, I'll probably get married some day, just so I don't have to get old alone.

[shugotenshi]

The thing I dislike the most in all the posts I've read on this topic so far, is that it seems to be "normal" to refer to marriage as a "contract".. That makes it sound laborous.. I'm not saying that a married couple does not have its rough times and its rougher times..

All I'm saying is that sex to many people holds a very deep, dedicated, intimate emotional connection between both partners. This is the reason that many religions say to reserve sex for marriage. Marriage is a way of truely showing ones mate that they are willing to commit.. I mean, I've seen it happen to people I've known my entire life.. Relationships aren't just about zest and flame, y'know? The "Romance" will die down after a few months in most cases..and the feeling that's left for the person is what SHOULD be known as love.. Rather than the "romance", which is more often lust..and even in some cases infatuation..

Personally, my girlfriend and I have discussed marriage..and we agree that sometime within the next few years we will more likely than not be a wedded couple. Sure, it does provide "security" in some ways, be it false or not. But more than anything I think Marriage is the most intimate relationship that anyone can 'embark' on ... Not only is the married couple lovers, but the best of friends,while still being their own individual person.

Overall, I prefer it personally to any sort of relationship that's based on sex over love.. Having sex is nowhere near as good as making love.. And to make love..it's more than a physical connection..it goes a lot deeper.. a lot deeper..

Anyway, there's my two cents..
Peace,
Shugo

[xx22xx]

well i dont know...i mean it seems like the 'perfect' life would include having a good job, getting married and having kids...but i suppose it's different for everyone..to a lesser extent than marriage...i've found that people that are 'going out' don't really get asked out...i mean you're kind of together, and you're not going to run off with someone else, but one person in the relationship wasn't like "will you go out with me?", and the other one's like "yes" or like...from way back 'will you go steady with me' and the guy gives the girl his ring. stuff like that just doesnt happen anymore. i think relationships have become more casual, and one of my friends parents have been engaged for who knows how long but never have gotten married...also my aunt has had her 'boyfriend' for over 5 years, and she just doesn't want to get married...they're staying engaged. soo i guess that's all i have to say here

[Xygenic]

Hi.

I've been living with my g/f for almost 16 months now and we've spoken about marriage quiet a few times. We both agree that we would get married the old fashioned way or elope to LA (I live in Eastern Canada)

Anyway, the only problem I have is that she doesn't like the idea of taking the last name. I've been raised in a family that had always taken the mans name uopn marriage. But since she and my folks don't get along, she refuses to say it in her name, but will put it on paper. Confused yet?

So, I dunno what to do...

Any suggestions

[Stephanie083099]

You always take her name if she really feels that way, but if you can't choose on a last name, do you really think that you should get married.

Ok. back to the original subject. I totally agree with you 100%, one day I do want to have a wedding, its not going to be with a lot of people, Im just going to have strictly my main family, a little small wedding thats it.

I think that the problem is that too many young couples get married and end up in divorce. In order to marry someone you have to be committed to them, you have to love them, you have to want to be with them for the rest of you life. It cant just be puppy love.Im not saying that all young relationships is puppy love but you have to know that that is what you want.

People now a days, just get married if they have a kid. If you have a kid, on purpose of accident, it is no reason to get married. The old days you got married then had a kid. What ever happened to that. If you have a kid on accident, congratulations on making the dicisison on keeping the child but dont get married just because of that reason, you have to love the person and want to be with them for the rest of your lives before you make a commitment like that.

I know that it is just a piece of paper but to some people if they do it the right way and wait, that piece of paper means a lot to them.