long term doubts?

[Stephanie083099]

I was just wondering since we are all in long relationships or married has anyone ever thought of seeing what else is out there. I am 19 I have been with my b/f now since I was about 15 (almost 4 years) and I am young and everyone always tells me to go and see what else is out there. There are plenty of fish in the sea. But I dont know if I can do that, I am curious but I love my b/f now. What does everyone this of this?

[Guido]

You are perfectly normal to be curious.

Unless we have an non-exclusive arrangement, then selecting a partner involves a trade-off of mutual exclusivity versus playing the field. One is the price of the other.

When we choose to go exclusive, especially at a young age, we are often left to wonder about what we gave up. That doesn't mean we regret our decision; it's just human nature to consider the what-if?.

An oversimplified analogy would be selecting your holiday destination for the year. You choose and enjoy your cycling trip to France. But no matter how much you enjoy it, you also wonder what that scuba-diving trip would have been like to the Bahamas. That is not really regret, just normal curiosity - as long as you are happy that if you had to go back and make the choice over again, you would make the same choice.

Of course, when one option is at the exclusion of another, we never really know for absolute sure whether it was the right one. We can only make the best decision possible at the time and then live with it, or change it.

So don't beat yourself up over a flight of fancy or an "I wonder", I believe we all have those to some extent, if we are honest. You should only be concerned if you feel you made the wrong decision, OR if you now want to change your mind ...

[demonbuttercup]

yea steph i know what you mean. i am w/ my b/f now for almost 2 yrs and he was my first and so forth. close to the time b4 i met him and moved a few states away i was seeing this guy back home. he and i had a lot of chemistry and a lot in common. somehow we kind of lost track of eachother for a little bit and thats when i met my b/f now. then later on i caught up again w/ the guy back home and found out he still had feelings for me, but this was over a year ago. a lot of times i ask myself what if?? what if i had stayed w/ the guy back home and didn't move away how my life would be different. what if he still thinks about me as much as i think about him??? on the other hand i really do love my b/f so very much and he is very good to me. it would suck to throw away a very good thing to think you might get something better but in the end you could be left empty handed. and that would be the worse. so what i always tell myself that if me and this other guy back home were really meant to be together in the end, then who knows maybe a few years down the road, our paths will cross again and if sparks fly then ill know what i am supposed to do

[?wiseman?]

At 19, I thought I had met the woman that I would marry. We dated for a couple years, but there were always a couple lingering problems. Every so often, I simply didn't feel like being around her. To this day, I could not expain the feeling any better than that. I just needed time away from her. The other problem, and demonbuttercup, touched on this, was that I still had (and to this day have) feelings for my first love. As I've posted before, the first love always has a place in the heart. My college girlfriend could not get over this. She couldn't understand why we corresponed or why she would invite me to visit her.

There was never anything more than a strong bond of friendship between the two of us (we never had sex), but it was enough of a problem for her, that it eventually led to our breakup.

There has never been a time since I met my wife, that I felt that I didn't want to be with her. Do I sometimes need a little time to myself? Of course, but never that gut feel that said I just can't stand to be around you right now.

So, no regrets. No what ifs. I think that's what fantasies are all about.

[Hello]

just a slight disagreement with wiseman. when i ended it with my first love, that waws it the end, the finish, the finalle. i dont have any lingering doubts, cause idealt with them when i ended it. it wasnt the easiest thing to do, cause i felt at the time that i loved her, but then i met my current gf and went head over heels. it was like i couldnt get her out of my mind, even when i had time alone, and its still like that. so i dont think everyone has feelings for their first love, or that their first love stays in their heart. its different for everyone.

on the topic of this thread on the other hand, i say that wondering about what if's and such like are fine, so long as they dont force u to give up something good for a whim, a petty wish to try out tht guy u once liked, or the thought of getting back with someone u never really had a great chance with, if u find someone ur happy with then stick with it, if ur not meant to be with that someone then u will know, something will happen in your life, and you will realise that that section of ur life has come to an end, and that it is time to move into the next bit, even if that means leaving the current guy behind . life has a tendency of being a bitch, but when its persistent it pays off to listen, cause it does occasionly pay off big time.

hope this has helped

[canuck_kate]

I'm in a similar situation as you, Stephanie. I'm 19 years old now, and have been dating my boyfriend (who's 21 years old) since I was 13.

It goes without saying that he's the only guy I've ever had sex with, but he's also the only guy I've ever been on a date with, kissed, cuddled with, etc. etc.

There are times when I wonder what sex would be like with someone differerent, where I fantasize about having a one night stand, where I want to be part of the "single life" my friends have got...

but, at the end of the day, when it comes down to it, I think that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I love my boyfriend more than anything, and I think we've got the amazing sort of relationship that a lot of people search for their whole lives.

Do I think one of us will need to see other people eventually? Absoulutely, and I know chances are good we wont last forever. I do think, though, that there's no point going out looking for what I've got already.

[Junocozmos]

I moved in with my husband when I was 19, been with him for seven yrs now. And as you get older it gets worse. But you gotta practice a little thing I like to call self control. Its ok to look at all the pretty men (and women) but you should only do what you know is right for you. Remember that your lovers emotions are involved so be careful what you decide.
Live life.
Good luck.

[Pink Pony]

This would be an interesting thesis.

[trying to be sweet]

I was with my X for a long time and i wasted alot of time with him. *The things i could of done when i was younger and i didnt because i was already settled down at 19 i think you should be exploring the world.

[PlumMistress]

I am having the exact same doubts myself and Had terrific feedback . . . *Here is my post http://www.sexinfo101.com/cgi-bin....;t=1823 *

I wish you the best of luck. *Go with your heart.
Hope it helps*