so i was talking to a friend the other day and he had a kind of funny story.
he's been dating a girl for a year now, and they've had sex, and at some point she told him she'd been with two other guys before (not at the same time, i mean like she's slept with two in her lifetime). So then the other day, she tells him the truth of the matter. It turns out when she said she'd been with two other guys she was lying. he was her first. So he's telling me this story, and is mad about her lying about the matter. I was laughing at him because i'd probably be more surprised in a good way that i was the first guy (because it disturbs me thinking about who else the girl i'm with has been with), but he was flipping out because she'd lied to him. It is of course understandable that he'd be upset that she had lied.
I just wanted to share the story because it seems to be the complete opposite of the normal story, where the girl usually lies and tells the guy he's her first to make him think he's taking her virginity (an action i'd be weird about too, even though it disturbs me thinking about her having slept with anyone else). so yeah, just thought i'd let other people laugh about it too
I don't think he should stay mad about this particular instance of being un-truthful. It is very hard for people to know what level of sexual experience is expected of them. On one hand, she could have been embarrassed about being a virgin (might depend a lot upon her age) and on the other hand she probably didn't want him to think she had slept with every other guy in town. Even if she weren't embarrassed about the virginity, she might not have wanted him to react in a strange way to her being a virgin. Maybe he would have hesitated about having sex with her, had he known. Or, conversely, maybe he would have been overly enthusiastic about "taking her virginity". Whatever her reasons for being dishonest about it, she has owned up to the fact that she lied about it. She has probably done this out of guilt and wants to keep honest in her relationship. If she were a habitual liar, she probably never would have said anything.
In my personal experience, I had remained a virgin until I met my wife. After dating for quite a while, we did have sex. At the time, I wasn't sure whether she'd ever done it either and we hadn't had any discussions on the subject. It wasn't until after we were married that she actually came out and asked me if I'd been with other women before her. Momentarily, I considered lying, and then I just honestly told her the truth. She was kind of surprised, but happy that she had been my first. She then openly admitted that she'd been sexually active for quite a while before meeting me and had quite a bit more experience than I did. Do I hold that against her? Of course not. Just because my circumstances were different than her's doesn't change anything with us.
What's the point I'm trying to make, you may be asking? Well, had she asked me in the beginning what my virginity status was...I'm not sure that I'd have answered her honestly. And if I'd have asked her, I'm not certain that I would have recieved an honest answer. It's like one of those questions where there is no right answer. I feel sorry for people who have to answer this question before they are intimate with their significant other. For casual sex between virtual strangers, I can see why this question would be right out in front due to STD issues.
Everybody lies about sex. Generally the men exaggerate; the women minimize. Never believe them until you really know them.
j56h, your topic made me think about my current situation. she's not my first, i doubt i'm hers, and we're nowhere close to being married (yet at least, it's not a hope yet, but it was a dream a few nights ago). but we haven't talked about our other sexual partners yet. Except for a general conversation about sex we had, she wouldn't even know one way or the other if i've had sex before. but having been sexually active for a couple of weeks now, the question has been swimming in my head. it swims a bit stronger right afterward, when i'm laying next to her. but that's the worst time to ask, so i'm glad it hasn't just popped out yet. going into the relationship i couldn't tell one way or the other whether she's the kind of girl who's had a couple of semi-serious relationships with sex, or if she's had several partners in the past. You speaking about not having discussed your situation with your wife till after marriage seems unreal to me, but very precious. i have a feeling curiosity is going to get the best of me though, so whether we have a future or not, i think i'm going to ask about her past sooner rather than later, because i can't seem to explain to my irrational unconscious (that's spurring my curiosity) that it doesn't matter, all that matters is now.
As for my friend, i just thought it was a funny story, the opposite of what so many guys hear. he probably won't stay mad long. heck, now he has the satisfaction (that most guys seem to savor) of having taken a girl's virginity.
i think that's rlly sad that he's mad at her. that's the last thing he should be! i mean yes she lied, but he obviously put her in a situation where she felt the need to lie! she was obviously a bit nervous and embarrassed about it and his reaction is NOT going to help. i think you should tell him not to be mad about it. there might be a lack of communication between them so she lied? anyway my point is someone would only lie about it if they didn't feel close enough to their partner. maybe he sholuld rethink his behaviour too - he's as much to blame.
there is nothing to be mad about. loads of people lie about that kind of stuff. she may just have been trying to make him think that she was experienced and worthy. peer pressure could be a part of it also if all her mates have done it then she may have felt left out and so lied to be a part of the crowd.
seriosly no reason to be mad
[QUOTE=Brandye]Everybody lies about sex. Generally the men exaggerate; the women minimize. Never believe them until you really know them.[/QUOTE]
haha this is true...:) ... i got mad at my girl cuz of this situation... haha...
Honesty is always a good thing.
I would be concerned if my girlfriend felt the need to overstate how experienced she was.