Hey, I have the exact same problem as you, except I am a 17 year old male. My topic is just a little down the list from this one if you wanna read my situation and their feedback. But for me, I love my girlfriend very much, but I just cant find the drive to go further sexually. I am speaking from lack of experience though, as this is only my first relationship. But I have always been worried there is something wrong with me that I cant fix and its very depressing. I can kind of know how you feel because it seems to be very unfair to my gf as well because I feel like I dont satisfy her in more ways than one. I know im not helpin, just tryin to relate. goodluck.

A search of the board will turn up some similar questions... in at least one case I recall this was truly a physical (biological) difficulty having to do with hormones.

I'm noticing your choice of words, "catering to his needs." Red flag there. He shares some of the responsibility for your feelings and desires... while it's certainly not total, he should be interested in "getting you going."

Since you suggest it's "not just him," I'd suggest that there's no magic fix and wonder if maybe there really isn't a problem? There is always the possibility his drive is too high, you know.

Differences in levels of drive plague most relationships. You'll find ways to increase your drive... and I'm sure you'll get some suggestions here. Just don't assume 100% responsibility for a "problem."