I have been with my bf almost 2 years.In Decembler last year I moved into his house and now live with him and his flatmate(also a male friend).I guess the problem is over the last few months all we do is fight about silly things.He works 2 jobs and in his spare time likes to play the pc and kick back on the couch.This causes friction as I sometimes don't see him for 3 days as he is working and when I do all he wants to do is play the pc. I would like to spend sometime with him but he says I am asking too much.I work in an office and on the weekends we are both off occasionally like to go out for lunch or a drive.I have found these arguments very stressful.Sometimes the arguments are about what I can offer him as he is paying off a house and has a degree.I continually feel like I have to prove myself to him.The sex is fine.He says I have issues over close family members who died a long time ago and I have questioned whether I have anxiety and whether this is the cause.I believe he has anger management issues-sometimes he will hang on me and get so angry he cant even speak.He is a good person and we love each other deeply but this arguing is not healthy.Help.
Mon, 05/23/2011 - 07:26
#1
Love each other but always fighting
As you love each other, the problem can be rectified.
As a man, I can sympathise with another man who is working two jobs to pay off a house despite having a degree which probably means that he has a second mortgage in the form of student loans. Any wonder he is stressed and volatile. I imagine that he has a flatmate to help him pay the mortgage. Is this house in negative equity by any chance?
I can understand why he might want to escape into his cave in the form of a PC. A lot of computer games are sociable these days. Could you get a Wii and play games together?
The worst thing you could do to a man struggling to repay loans is to turn a relationship into yet more work. You don't want this relationship to become his third job.
Perhaps you could offer him a well planned out, stress free, relaxing and enjoyable social life? Apart from his PC, you might be the only source of fun he has.
I feel as if I am stuck on repeat tonight. You try talking to him and he says your smothering him. Yes he works two jobs which is stressful but he has replaced you with his games. Its not a matter of getting a wii and playing together, he has no interest trying to include you. If he did he would try to find something the both of you can do.
Two years and your living together. Correction your living together as a bf/gf and flat mate. You may "love" him deeply but he obviously doesn't feel the same. Its time for you to find someone who wants to play with you and not a level 38 mage
a man rebuilds his testosterone by sitting and zoning out of the couch for 30-60 minutes. anything more than that and he is just being lazy.
also if i may assume that your username means you were born in 1974, and your bf is around your age, correct? then what the hell is a grown man doing playing video games for that long amount of time? if he doesn't change his actions then it is time to pack up and say piece out!
Not only does this guy NOT play with you, he also causes you to doubt yourself. You feel 'unworthy' of him. Even though you work too, you feel you're "less" than he is.
You're asking him to spend quality time with you is NOT an unreasonable request.
Two things we know without doubt - he's not a gentleman and this relationship has run its course.
So - WHY are you STILL with him???
The man prefers a quiet evening in front of his PC to enjoying sex in bed with you.
What more do you really need to know?
Given the choice between you and plastic - he chose plastic.
WALK AWAY.