I have another thread that will explains the background of this, but I shall just put the basics here.
I'm 19 and lost my virginity around a month ago (used a condom of course). Was an amazing night, but the guy it was with very large (well, comparative to anyone else I've fooled around with). Also, although I was really turned on earlier in the night with lots of foreplay, we stopped as I was unsure on going further, so when I said I wanted to finally, I was not at peak arousal (ie. less natural lube). We started off missionary, which was really really painful; which I guess is combined of those above factors. So we switched to cowgirl which was less so (sorry if i'm being overly graphic).
Anyway, for about 4 days after this I was really sore; the outer labia I think mainly.
Things did not work out with the guy, and I hadn't really masturbated much or been with anyone since.
This week though, I went out with a good mate, and one thing lead to another somehow.
...but the whole experience was really odd, and I'm not sure for one of the following reasons, but it's slightly worried me.
He was like fingering me, well more rubbing :S ...but at times it was kind of painful... excruciating at the odd point. :S I didn't want to offend the guy, so kind of carried on and tried to give posotive feedback when it was good or not hurting, but he didn't seem to take the hint, tried like guiding his hand and stuff too. What are you supposed to do in that situation?!
I'm wondering if:
A) It was weird for me, as we our such good mates and never been that way until that night, so maybe it was sending my mind into overdrive a bit so I wasn't as turned on as could of been.
B) He just wasn't getting what was turning me on, and thus I wasn't.
C) His...technique of stimulation? :S He was kind of...rough? ...sorry if overly descriptive again, but I guess I like focus on the clit more, and he was kind of rubbing, more the labia and vagina entrance...kinda hard to explain :S How do you hint at what you like without offending??? lol It was good when he went down, but that hardly lasted :(
D) ...this is more serious, I'm wondering if perhaps, my labia or vagina or something may have been dameged or something form my first time, so it is making it sore when touched. Can this happen? I think there is a certain area that seems more sensitive, but in a bad way...and maybe I have only just noticed as I haven't really been playing with myself or gotten any in a while?! lol
In conclusion, I just wondered if anyone else found this kind of pain after their first (just to clarify, we didn't have sex). And why this was or what they did about it? Did it go away after a while, or need going to the Dr with? Im worried I may have seriously damaged or torn something :S but nothing really seemed odd before the other night (minus the few days after sex, but I expected that to a degree).
Secondly, with the guy...I'm not sure if anything will happen, or if I want them to. But I do know he is a really really decent guy, and I saw something in him that night, no longer "just friends" in my view lol. Apart from the frankly terrible bedroom encounter, he is a great, creative, ambitious, and for a change nice guy....but the sex side...that's important!!! lol
So any advice on making things better? I tried like, exaggerated moans and that when he was going well lol....but then he just went back to the painful stuf! Can a guy be trained to be better, or just a lost cause if sex is an important part in your relashionship views? Any tips?
All women should have a gyn exam BEFORE becoming sexually active (we actually recommend by age 16). It is time for you to see your doctor and get this set up. This exam assures you that all the bits and parts are normal and ready to go. In your case it will also check for any slight damage that may have occurred. It is not likely that any serious harm was done but there may be some remnants of the hymen or bruiing or laceration of the labia. Get checked.
As for the b/f or whatever: men tend to treat our genitals as they treat their own. So, it is up to us to teach them how to deal with the pudenda. If he seems uninterested in learning from the owner, stay friends but find other lovers.
I agree with Brandye. If I were you, I'd just ask my doc. Gets you the reassurance you need.
About your guy; off course he can be trained to be better :) Though it probably needs more clear instruction from you. And at least; be clear when something is hurting you. Kind of you to be considerate of his feelings, but when you're being so close physically, than I think respectful and honest responses are more important. Or you won't get what sex is all about and what he's trying to help you achieve; pleasure :)
Maybe it's not that he didn't want to learn, perhaps he took your moans for everything being good to you, not one touch specific. After all; moaning usually follows when arousal is building. And that would mean the preceding was good too ;) Maybe you weren't persuasive enough in guiding his hand? I mean; I sometimes squirm and twist my body and hold his hands when he's doing an excellent job. In short: it could be he read your signs wrong. And that's ok; after all, neither he nor you can mindread. Communicate and you'll be ok! In the unlikely event it's not, and he turns out to be the kinda guy who's offended by a woman telling what she wants, than I'd say he's not mature enough to touch any woman.
Thanks for your help, I think I will try and get checked out, just for piece of mind if nothing else.
I think one of the problems at the time looking back may of been, we are pretty close mates...but that is kind of the first time I have seen him in this light; so maybe I was not letting loose as much as I normally would. Like normally, I would talk or communicate a bit more in the bedroom; usually feeding of the guy though...like slight dirty talk or what feels good etc. But I think maybe we both felt a bit weird about how unpredictable the situation was, so weren't really communicating at all when I think back. I will try and be a bit more vocal if the situation re-arises ;)
Seeing someone in another light can be confusing. I can relate to it a bit, since my lover was once my friend, before that a nice colleague and before that just someone I'd only say "good morning" to at the coffee corner ;) The first sexual experience with him was very good, but also very awkward. Out of the blue for me, as I had just found out little time before he had a crush on me. And to be honest; we were both pretty confused and didn't know where to go from there at the time.
Good luck to you, dear Springfever! I'm sure you'll do just fine! :)