I am a 37 year old female that has lost interest in sex. My husband is heavy into S&M, fetish and kinky sex but I do not share the same interests at all. I have always only been interested in vanilla sex and never needed anything more. The thought of vanilla sex to my husband leaves him cold and limp. These days I am not interested in any of it because of the constant dispute between us. We both have tried to please eachother in our own interests but it usually leaves something to be desired. He says he only gets turned on if I am turned on pleasing him. Well I do his thing for him to make him happy even though I hate it and get no pleasure at all. He keeps hoping that my mind will change but I don't think it every will. I am just not interested in his likes. I feel like I am dammed if I do and dammed if I don't.
Sun, 08/19/2007 - 19:49
#1
Lost interest in sex - husband wants kink
If your hubby is heavy into S&M what have you been doing all along to balance your sex life? Has it been horrible since you met? Has this been a new interest which he pursued outside of the marriage?
If you think you want to solution this--see a sex therapist! You are on two ends of the spectrum and need a way to pull it to the middle.
My suggestion is compromise. If he gets a night of hardcore S+M, he has to repay you with a night of vanilla sex. You say that you're willing to do whatever he wants to please him - Isn't that enough to turn him on? If you want to make it work, you need some sort of middle ground.
Sexual issues are often symptoms of deeper issues in the marriage. Why not see a marriage counselor to try to sort this out.
[QUOTE=Brandye;191127]Sexual issues are often symptoms of deeper issues in the marriage. [/QUOTE]
I read that as:
[quote=My evil mind]Sexual issues are often symptoms of marriage.[/quote]
Damn, I need some sleep.
Aaaanyway, on topic, the counsellor seems like a good suggestion. :)
It isn't that you have lost interest in sex - it is that you are not getting the style of sex you enjoy and are tired of dealing with your husband's style of play.
Your choices are:
1. trade him in on another man more to your taste
2. add either a kink girl for him or a vanilla guy for you
3. marriage counselling
4. do nothing at all and just continue on as you are
5. lose your temper and TALk with him
Good luck!