It would appear, although I do not know her, that the problem is between her ears. While some women never orgasm, most do and enjoy it immensely - so what's her issue? IF it isn't medical (that is to say something physically off) then its some opinion or policy she has regarding sex that is holding her back - and from her "need to have sex forced upon her" or else she "doesn't believe you want her" - I'd say she has some issues regarding sex itself.

1. She doesn't believe a man would desire her - which is silly since most men do tend to desire most women - breathing being the most often mentioned criteria.

2. She doesn't believe YOU could possibly desire her - which YOU know is nonsense - but indicates some trust issues between you two

3. She has idiotic idea that sex=force because "women don't like sex" or soome other Victorian stupidity. Sex is just something women 'give' to men to 'keep' men.

Time for you two to sit down and talk - heck, she's 27 - it is well past the time she should quit being shy.

Not your problem! Repeat after me a hundred times or so. Not your problem. Read around and you will discover that about a quarter of all women never experience and about the same regularly have orgasms through penetration and thrusting. That means that fully half of us require additional stimulation of some sort. Only she has any real idea about what that may be.

Take Evil's advice and have a long relaxed talk somewhere that sex is not practicable. The oldest patient I ever had who experienced her first orgasm was 53; a few have been in their thirties with kids. It is not likely that she will suddenly become a climax machine but neither is it likely that you are doomed to failure. If the two of you can find a key to mutual satisfaction, great; if not, part friends.

Hello John, welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.

I recommend that the two of you sit down together or separately and read every article, discuss what you have learned, and add the information to what each of you already knows. Knowledge is empowering. From this and your other post, both of you have large gaps in your knowledge base. I agree with EEK, the two of you need to sit and talk about your notions and beliefs and what is considered normal and common practice among loving partners. Do this before and after you read the articles, above. It will be good to understand each others beliefs and attitudes and then to work up a "loving plan" that the two of you can embrace and be happy with on a daily basis.

It is recommended that every woman have a chat with her Gyn. before becoming sexually active--the first time ever, and, the first time with this partner {in this case, you.) so encourage her to have this chat and to have any questions she may have answered. Also, to make sure all of her pieces-parts are as they should be.

> I feel pretty much like a failure. I STILL did not find out how to turn her on.

I understand feeling like a failure, however, consider the following before you take all the blame: first, each of us, male and female, is responsible for our own orgasms. We do not give them away. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them and by learning what s/he does mechanically to accomplish a climax. Second, that boys pretty much learn to masturbate and enjoy orgasms automatically right out of puberty. Not so for most girls/women, who are not driven and often do not learn the skill until much later in life and then as a conscious concerted effort. On the other hand, while not a biological imperative, women often enjoy making love even though orgasms are not part of a particular episode. So, do not place success or failure on whether or not a woman experiences an orgasm.

As for turning a person on, or becoming turned on yourself, this is a dual circumstance. First, in order to become interested in and aroused by and then sexually excited, there must be "chemistry" and pheromones flying between the couple. Simply having a liking for someone is quite often not enough. This is also why people can love someone yet not be in love and why sex is not part of their relationship. Now, having said this, John, the second part of the dynamic is that each of you must be receptive to each others advances--cuddling, kisses, caresses, fondling, whispering sweet nothings, etc., et cetera, etc. Each of you must be able and willing to become involved, AND, to be receptive. Men can be UP and ready for an orgasm in a matter of minutes; women require perhaps as much as half an hour for their mind and body to become fully aroused. If you are not devoting at least this long, more within reason if practical, then you are rushing the process and not fully developing it.

> She's 27, but only had a single orgasm with one of her ex.

The Anatomy of the Female "O", Answered by Brandye & Dancingdoc2 & Inspired by Godiva

As discussed, above, she must learn to connect the nerves in her genitals with the pleasure center in the brain along the autonomic nervous system. She must learn to masturbate until she learns what is required and can then do so regularly and consistently. You cannot not generally bring about her orgasms.
For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?
Includes information on learning how to masturbate.

> I really want to make her feel good and show her that I can give her an orgasm too...I just don't know how! I tried a few of the methods shown on this website, all of which failed.

Answered, above. She needs to do some homework and then as explained in one of the articles, once she learned to masturbate and achieve orgasms consistently, she can take your hand and let you learn to mimic what she does. Feedback, verbal and non-verbal is also essential for how each of you is responding to kisses and caresses and for what each of you needs now/next.

> she said that the guy was simply fingering her and it just happened. Problem is...the guy was 6'3'' and has huge hands. I'm 5'6'' and well...let's say slim fingers.

One single orgasm does not a a habit make. She has to learn by herself while home alone how to do this.

It is important for you to understand that your success as a lover is not tied to the size of your penis, scrotum & testicles, butt, hands, fingers, or length of torso. What matters is that you know what to do with what you have. Start reading.

> What is the best technique that I could use to make my girlfriend feel good.

Pay attention to her emotional and psychological needs and desires. Write love notes to her unexpectedly, leave a note for her to discover outlining what you would like to do with her tonight. Call her on the telephone (no texting, no E-mail) and just say "Hi, I was thinking about you right now". and precious little else.

Apply the methods and techniques outlined in the articles EEK and I provide regarding the how-tos of making love. It's about the romance not the orgasms, first and foremost. Learn to pleasure each others mind and soul before the body. Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other in partnership. Now, as you read the articles--practice, practice, practice.

> Even when I'm fingering her, she does not want me to be gentle, I have to jam my finger in there over and over.

Rough sex has a time and a place, not as a regular delivery method. Perhaps this is because she has not discovered "the gentle art of making love".

Of a similar situation, and for women who rely upon vibrators it is not unusual to read an account from a man who writes that his girlfriend/wife cannot achieve a climax from fingers or oral. The solution: retraining the nerves. Encourage her to practice masturbating and to learn to sensitize herself to her finger movements. Once she learns, she can help you to help her. BTW, the same is true for you with her.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

Yes, I neglected to say that didn't I - sorry - but yes, IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. All a man can do is "assist".

Now my question...which a lot of men "claim" to be doing but in reality aren't.

Are you REALLY doing what she asks? She says she wants to feel desired. Are you (in all honesty since lying won't help you) attacking her. Grabbing her and allowing your inner most desires to flow? O are you approaching her (like a meek child) and just gentle caressing her and kissing her? Trying to express your "love"?

Now the above posters did a great job of offering the answers to most of the problems. But there is also the part of you "not turning her on". She has expressed what she desires. You claim to have done it but got no reaction. So either she is stuck in the victorian "sex is a chore" and basically is therefore a forced act. Or you really AREN'T doing as she wishes. I once thought I was being obvious in my desire for a past girlfriend. Now as I've grown older and more experienced I realized that I was basically standing there asking her if she wanted to. Now when a girl demands I "take her" there's usually a lot of colateral damage. From torn clothes to broken bedframes.