I heard that some, if not most, women lose their sex drive and don't want sex from around the age of 20 to mid or late 20's. I recently believe this to be true because my girlfriend doesn't seem to get turned on by me at all anymore. I try pleasure all of her turn on spots that she likes, but it doesn't do anything. She said she has to really try to think about sex when I'm doing these things to her. Half the time we end up not having sex because she just gets frustrated.
She was on the Nuvaring for a year when i first started dating her, then the second year she got off of it and on the pill because the ring was making her angry during periods. The anger went away, but the sex drive did as well :(
She went to her GYNO and apparently nothing is wrong with her hormones, but she still doesn't want sex with me or anyone from what I know. She said I'm very attractive physically but just can't get horny! She gets so upset sometimes to the point of where she cries too and I feel bad because I'm horny and nothing I do works on her.We have sex like once every month or so...
Any suggestions on what she can do to get herself into it? I've tried tons of things and foreplay, but still sometimes it doesn't work.
maybe she should try masterbating alone for a while? im not sure how it would help but it might :)
maybe try make it a bit more romantic than "just sex" , she may be lacking the emotional side to it :) good luck x
Romance can definitely help in my experiences. But it sounds to me like there is another problem here. I mean you said it yourself. Plenty of sex up until she got off nuvaring. Many women have problems with different types of BC. My guess is that although her levels are fine, there is a problem with her new type of BC which is killing her drive.
Thats just my guess though.
Well, you have heard wrong. Sex drive in women peaks around the age of 28. You do not have that to blame.
Now, the hormones: The ring puts the lowest level of hormone in the woman's system of all the hormonal contraceptives. Switching to the pill, this could be affecting her. If so, she should talk to her doctor about trying different pills - or going back to the ring.
It sound like a stale relationship in which her body is telling you things her mouth is not ready to admit. You need a good long talk.
Sex drives peaks at age 28?!?!? Ooookay.
In answer to your question: she's BORED.
What you do about it is to have a frank and open discussion without any accusations asignment of blame or any letting each other off the hook. But since this not likely to happen since she's telling you fluff that you're buying, best to just say bye-bye and move on.
Hm, I'm afraid this type of thing I am not good at, and that is identifying why a women isn't horny anymore. To me it doesn't make sense to be super horny for over a year, then you just kinda lose it. I think it might be the birth control because when she got off the ring, she didn't use anything BC until about 4 months after I think. That is when she started to lose the drive. Once she got on the pill she wanted it again for a few months, up until earlier this year- I think around late July- early/mid August. After that it started to become a "chore" for her to get horny. The other night we had sex, I gave her a full body massage, played with her and what not, but she said she had to read "dirty novels" and like think about past sex we have had to get her to that point. She also said it took her a while to get there. We had a great night that night, lots of fun doing things then we relaxed and started our "sexy time".
The next morning we did it again, but she didn't have to think for X hours to get horny. I just kinda started to play with her and the next thing I know shes moaning and we have sex again. I don't know whats going on, its weird. Anyhow, I guess I'll wait longer and see if she gets horny on her own, or if I make a move to do things if she will go with it. I don't really mind not having sex that much, I love her a lot and that is really the last thing I care about. I'll just be patient and wait to see what happens I guess. I would like her to go to her GYNO again and try something new...
For goodness sake will you pay attention to precisely what you're doing when and how and try to remember it?
"duh, I don't know" = "if he only had a brain".
For starters find the sticky posts entitled The Program and Body Worship and this time, take notes if you have to!
I'm beginning to think that the BCPs are being used as an excuse.
Sex problems are often symptoms of deeper issues in the relationship. Possible?
And EEK's last point is often true.
I did want to inquire further, Brandye, about this women's sex drive peak of age 28 however. I had thought that it was the menopausal women, with their relatively higher percentage of testosterone versus estrogen, who had the more ferocious sex drive.
Is it possible your girlfriend has some sort of mental problem, like depression or anxiety, that hasn't been treated properly? Feeling emotionally stressed or hopeless can kill one's sex drive incredibly quickly; feeling down = feeling undesirable, and when someone feels undesirable, that's not a problem that can be fixed with just a sympathetic lover. That's an attitude she needs to change about herself.
From the limited information you've given us, that seems likely to me, especially since she needed to think of sexual things that are "distanced from herself" ("dirty" novels about other people, sex she's had when feeling more confident, etc.) in order to be aroused at first.
Talk to her about how she's feeling outside of the bedroom. Generally that's always a good thing to do to maintain and repair relationships. It should help bring you closer to the cause, whatever it may be.