Don't worry about it, this is just your nerves going insane. I'm sort of the same way, and my boyfriend knows im new to all this so he helps me out, he tells me what to do, and he tells me whats normal and whats unique. Your first time haveing sex will probably be "less good" than your second time, and your second time will probably be "less good" than your third time and so on...

Hi there!

Whats done is done, you can't change what has happened, learn from the experience, tell Jack that you werent ready and you want to take things slow and if that means no sex thats fine! wait for the person you feel comfortable with and who you can share your concerns with. The first time is not exactly glamerous, and only with practice can we all improve. Maybe spend more time exploring your orgasm you have as much right to experience it than anyone else so DON'T be afraid to tell him that you want to try something different because your orgasms havnt been great, any partner needs to recpect the concerns and wishes of their significant other. But if you don't really like this guy, then why are you with him? your young don't feel compelled to have a boy friend n have sex just take your time! Learn from this so when the next guy who you are willing to have sexual experiences with comes along, you know what has worked and hasnt worked. be true to yourself!

> I'm just completely lost and i don't know where to go from here.

I noticed that this is your first posting to the Board. Welcome! I hope you will spend some time getting acquainted what the wealth of information that is here. Pay particular attention to the information on the Chick Chat forum.

Much of what you say concerns you has been written about time and again because people to ask questions, first, without doing any research. That you are asking questions is good and I hope to give you some information, insight, and to set aside some of your fears and correct some notions.

> some background information:
I lost my virginity three nights ago. I didn't even intend to- both my parents weren't home, so i decided to have my boyfriend over for a few hours, i hadn't seen him in a while.

I hope the two of you used protection. A condom for him or the pill, or other for you is fine; however, to be responsibly safe, both you and your partner need to take joint responsibility.

> we were just kind of hooking up as usual and it just kind of happened, an impulse decision. I don't regret it, per se, it's just that i always kind of thought i'd lose my virginity to someone with whom i was in love, and someone who i would have a long term relationship. neither of these are true

From all that many other women have stated, you will probably come to have regrets about the way you lost your virginity sometime in the future.

> It wasn't even a little bit pleasant. It hurt much more than i thought it was and it was hot and uncomfortable in my room. and the worst part was, he lost his erection.

Fear not, loosing his erection may have been the worst part of the event, however, this happens to a lot of guys and is not at all uncommon. The loss can be the result of nerves, angst, or more likely, the back pressure against the root structure of the penis inside the body that comes from pressing too hard too long while making the attempt to gain entrance. It really is not big deal.

Take the opportunity to rebuild his erection having some fun and pleasure in the process Whenever a guy looses his erection, it is more often than not an open invitation for the partner (you) to take the matter into your own hands and do something about it!

> And it wasn't first-time butterflies for him, (when i asked him if he was a virgin a few weeks ago, he laughed. laughed!). This means im bad at sex.

This is puzzling. Do you actually know what his laughter was in reply to? It could be a response to any number of things--
* nervous response to cover up the fact that he is a virgin
* a response to bolster his own image in your eyes
* a laugh to confirm that he is not a virgin
* or whatever. Do not be presumptuous and guess.

How does this response mean that you are bad at sex? This simply does not compute. His laughter and your skill or lack of have nothing in common.

> I'm bad at sex, which shouldn't even be possible, right? isn't it a natural human instinct?

[COLOR="Red">WRONG[/COLOR] [COLOR="DarkOrange">on both assumptions[/COLOR].

* The desire to perpetuate the species is natural
* The need to eliminate stress and pent up sexual tension are natural

[COLOR="Blue">Skill and ability are learned.[/COLOR]

If you believe that the many aspects of making love are natural instinct and that the skills are innate, then please go to your local book store and have a look at the dozens of books referred to as "sex manuals". If every man and woman had this inherent knowledge then there would be no books and no Sexinfo 101 board!

You have not been short changed.
* Kissing
* Caressing
* Foreplay
* Hand jobs
* Oral stimulation
* Intercourse

are all acquired skills. Everybody practices, fumbles, regroups, learns in various ways, and tries again and again. Eventually, we get it down pretty good. So, please do not be so hard on yourself. There is no reason to be.

> We couldn't get the rhythm right.

See above.

> I dont even know what the rhythm is supposed to be like.

"Ya just go with the flow". It changes moment to moment, and, session to session. Your body will tell you what to do when and how; or, one or the other of you may just want to mix things up and try a different "tune" once in a while.

> The other issue I'm having is, i've never orgasmed by another person.

I gather from this that you have learned to masturbate and can bring about orgasms on your own. Correct?

If you can have orgasms, then your boyfriend should learn how you do it so he can mimic your method. Why? We do not give orgasms away. Each of us is responsible for every one of our orgasms. All any of us can do is to help each other achieve them.

We all know the basic mechanics involved in stroking a penis and fingering a clitoris; however, there is a "Fine Art" to the process. After we learn to masturbate, each of us quickly develops and choreographs rhythms and pressures and a technique that is specific and unique to each of us. If we miss the mark, so to speak, either the orgasm will not happen or it will be less than desired. So, it behooves each of us to show each other how we masturbate and then to guide each other's hand with our own several times until we learn what to do.

> If it feels like it's taking too long, i just fake it.

Please do not do this. It will harm a relatlionship in the long run.

> I dont know how to overcome this habit, or become more... orgasmic i guess.

"Orgasmic" is an absolute. Once you are able to do it, that's it. What matters is in being able to respond to someone elses touch and this is also an acquired skill as explained.

> I just don't know where to look to become more acquainted with sex and how my body is supposed to look or move. porn?

Why not begin by reading the information on this resource. You can also open and read several of those sex manuals in the book store when you go.

X-rated videos do not have a lot of educational value.

> but thats not real.

Yup.

> I don't know i guess im having performance anxiety and my awful first experience didn't help.

This is all quite natural. I recommend not taking this so seriously and to just chalk this experience up and store it away for later recall when you want to see how far you have progressed after a few years.

> After all that ranting, i guess what i'm looking for is a little girlfriend to girlfirend advice. help me?

Well, here are some sage recommendations, how-to information, and some insight from a guy who has been there done that a time or two, and, has lived to love again and to tell (you) the story of how to begin having a great love life.

Two keys to a successful relationship are:
1. Communication
2. and that it is a partnership. Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other.

Together, you and your partner should explore and learn and practice. Love and making love are serious parts of life; yet you should not take it all so seriously. Learn to laugh and roll with the punches, dust yourself off, and try, try, again.

Do you have more questions? If so, feel free to ask.

You fake it with other people but three days ago was your first sex. This makes little sense on the face of it. There must be more.

Honey, you did not hop on a bike and ride off with no practice. Sex is much more complicated than riding a bike. Do not do a job on yourself.

Thank you for the kudos and kind words; however, there is much more wisdom and insight in Brandye's short quips.

you're going to feel really stupid later when you're in love and you wish you were still a virgin. but as long as its not harmful to him or you, and you were safe about it, then congratulations! remember, even if it wasn't perfect, this is still one of a girls most important *firsts* and you can celebrate taking that step in your young adulthood! just remember to be safe and educated about it. good luck for next time... keep me posted on how it goes!

[QUOTE=phoebesmalls] if i believed, i would say god is telling us not to have sex. ah me[/QUOTE]

Hah yea sounds like it.
Do doors not have locks?
And if not what happen to people being respectful and knocking??
I think if someone walked in on me like that... I would be deterred from sex for awhile, lol.

Not all doors have locks. I grew up in three houses and two had no locks. The first had skeleton keys but I was too young to have a need.

Does your boyfriend share a room? If so, then it is as much his room as it is your boyfriend's. If it is his room, alone, then I agree, there should be respect for boundaries and some courtesy bestowed by first knocking, etc.

Regardless of whether there is a lock with a key, whether or not the room is shared, there probably should be some rules established. Knock, first; wait for an invitation to enter, second. That you were in the room is secondary. The situation would be just as embarrassing if he was stretched out on the bed masturbating.

That you were observed making out might be startling and embarrassing, but not a really big deal in the overall scheme of things. This sort of thing can happen in a park or under a tree alongside a hiking/bike path--or even while parked at inspiration point! or the drive-in. Your concern should be on how far news of this romp in the hay travels.

oh god. i cant even imagine how embarrassed i would be if someone walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. girl you have more courage than i do!! good for you for taking it and trying to repair some damage. i would just hide under a rock and cry. haha.

how old is the brother and does everyone already know? if the brother is old enough to understand what happened try asking him not to go telling everyone in the family and cross your fingers that he doesn't lol