The more important question is whether she has had a proper gyn exam before the first time. That puts the mind at ease and gives reassurance that problems will not result.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful and some how-to articles.

Many couples use the age-ol' Missionary Position for first time intercourse. A lot of sexperts believe that the Woman Superior position is ideal for the following reasons:

* She knows where P and V are and can deftly bring the two together
* She knows where the the opening between the hymen (if intact) and the vaginal wall is and can place the tip of the penis there
* She can easily find the correct angle
* She can apply the correct amount of pressure to move the penis inside
* She can choose the right depth and speed of stroking
* She can later find the right depth and speed for stroking
* He can support her breasts
* He can fondle her breasts
* He can caress her body
* He can do pelvic lifts

> For the woman's first time should her legs be spread wide?

If you click on the site's Home page shortcut you will find links to many illustrated and animated sexual positions. "A picture is worth 10,000 words!"

Please look at the "Cowgirl" illustrations.
Have a look at any and all other positions that may be of interest

As for the Missionary position, a woman can part her legs, wrap them around her partner's torso, raise her knees--whatever seems appropriate in the moment as well as comfortable.

> And is it easy to do when there is pain? I know sometimes it make the female want to close her legs. Does it hurt more when your legs are closed?

Pain is pain. Will there be any discomfort? Maybe yes, maybe no. If you use Tampons, there ought to be minimal discomfort. If you have been active in sports while growing up then the hymen may have already eroded away. Very often there is no discomfort. When there is it can be like a tinge or quick "pinch" sensation to something less comfortable. Much depends upon the woman's preparation and mindset.

* Devote lots of time to fooling around and making out--at least 30-45 mins.
* Use lots of lubrication on his penis and around the vaginal opening
* Proceed slowly yet deliberately. Do not be in a big rush.... If the process becomes uncomfortable, then back off and try again more gingerly.

The Woman Superior position place her in control and this is why it is recommended for first time sex.

Bottom Line: In addition to Brandye's urging, having a consult with your doctor gives you a great opportunity to just talk to him/her about any questions or concerns you may have.

Do not have intercourse until you are ready and then when you are, not until you are ready, physically and emotionally. When you are then invite him in--in this case by getting on top and starting the next stage.

Please read the articles listed in the Index on first time sex as well has how to make out. It is very important that the two of you not rush to the finish line. Women require lots of time to get turned on; men can and do benefit from this preparation, also. This said, why don't the two of you read each of the articles more than once and then discuss what has been written about. One reason these articles were written is to help people who do not know what they do not know. Another is to make a relationship (sexual and otherwise) easier for those reading than it was for those who grew up before without all these resources.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

OK, you passed the first test and I commend you on having a proper exam. Generally, the wider the spread, the less resistance to the penis entering. We are each different but even those of us who like to put our legs together handle the entry comfortably well spread.

They typical pain a woman experiences the first time (and not all of us do) is simply the tearing of the hymen. Tampon users and active women often have little left of the hymen. The other two causes of pain would be tensing muscles (so relax) and too much friction (use plenty of lube).

Doc's recommendation of female superior is, I believe, a good one. It gives the woman more control and enables her to do the pacing. Do not have overly high expectations the first. As you are experiencing, most of us are too worried about everything working right to really gain sexual enjoyment. There is great satisfaction in having passed that hurdle.