I wasn't sure where to put this because I'm not new to sex but i've only had a few years of experience so might as well say I am fairly new.
Hi All,
I realise that there are probably countless threads about this subject but I desperately need help and I thought if I gave my situation and problem that people here wouldn’t mind the forum annoyance of multiple threads and help me out because I really need it.
I’ve never been able to last long in bed. When I had my first girlfriend I never used to last more than a minute of continuous sex. But I figured that I was young and in a few years and with some experience I’d grow out of it. A few years later and I still haven’t. I’ve met a girl and genuinely fallen in love for the first time and I really want to be with this girl for the rest of my life. She feels the same about me and we have a great relationship. She is very honest with me if I ask her to be and has admitted I’m facially not the most attractive guy she’s been with but she loves me and it doesn’t matter (I’m not ugly, just really plain) so i know if its something I wouldn't want to hear she'd tell me the truth anyway, but she has also (I believe) told the truth about me being the best in bed she's been with (this is more down to her previous experiences being bad, and the fact that I am a fair bit above average size wise.) However, we’ve been together a while but due to circumstance, have only had a lengthy sex session once. The rest have been short due to interruption, other people being in the house etc. This will sort itself out when we move but that’s still a few months away. To this date I Haven’t made her climax, due to the fact that I can’t last long enough, and when I do last its because I have to stop and start to make it last and thus cannot continually pleasure her for long enough. I’ve been fairly stressed lately as has she and we’ve put it down to that. But we have had incredible experiences together and I know the potential is there.
In a few months when we get the chance to be free from prying ears and stuff I know we’ll be ok as we’ll have a lot of time to prepare before sex as we all know is of the upmost importance. But I have 2 worries, one is that she will have already formed a negative opinion of my sex due to lack of anything before we move and the other is that when that time comes I will still be only lasting a few seconds and thus will not be able to make good on the foreplay etc that has gone before.
I told you all that so you’d get an idea of my problem. I need advice. I need a way to change my body so I can last longer. I’ve tried things like stop start and other typical techniques (everything on the main part of this website) but they don’t really help. And I need to drastically change my time not just add 30 seconds here and there if you know what I mean. I’ve also tried lots of other things. I really love this girl and we are great together, we do have a healthy sex life but I really don’t want to disappoint her so I really need help. I don’t really know much about things like viagra, so if that’s something that can help please let me know. (but from what I know of it, its only for erectile disfunction)
Anyway, you get the drift. I really need help. Thanks in advance.
Al
I can't help you much with extra tipson how to last longer- I'm sure you've already read lots of stuff.
Remember that penetrative sex is only one part of the whole sexual experience- it's very likely that your lady derives more physical pleasure from stroking, tickling, sucking, kissing her whole body, including her clitoris etc, fingering and being stimulated with sex toys than from actual penetration by your penis. You can satisfy her plenty before you slide in, and even if it takes a short time, she's unlikely to care very much anyway!
Bear in mind she says you're the best she's ever had! Don't make excuses about everyone else being rubbish too! She loves you, and will be turned on by seeing you happy and confident. SHE will feel uncomfortable if you do. Work with what you got (with confidence) and you CAN'T go wrong!
You are correct: there are dozens of threads on this exact topic.
Three bits of adcive: Read before you ask.
2. Get her off first and then do not worry about how long you last (besides, you can do it again!).
2. Read the sticky on viagra, cialis and levitra. Not recreational drugs.
I apologise for seemingly not reading enough first but i really didn't know what my problem is.
I've read the post on the drugs as well as as much stuff on premature ejaculation as i can find. But nothing seems to be working.
my problem is i don't know what exactly is it that Viagra helps with and who should use it? or more to the point, should I use it?
I've tried every technique under the sun to last longer but i always have the same problem.
When i get turned on if my penis is touched i can usually already feel that an orgasm is very close.
I can feel this sensation just with an erection, like i know i won't last long and then as usual i am right and i cannot prevent ejaculation.
I really don't know what to do, its been a problem my whole sexual life and i've had, in 3 or so years of sex, 2 occasions when i have lasted a half decent amount of time and it has felt like real sex.
during those 2 times i have felt like i knew this is what other guys feel: continual petting and penetration for at least 10 or so minutes after a fair while of foreplay, during this time i have a healthy erection and can enjoy sex and the physical sensation without feeling like i was about to orgasm, then after a while it builds to an orgasm.
I know that is what it is supposed to feel like, but i've only experienced it twice in my life.
The rest of the time, as soon as i get an erection i feel like i al already seconds away from an orgasm, (you know the feeling of near climax you get where if you stop and relax you can stop it?) I have that feeling almost immediately and then have to act accordingly. If i insert myself at this point i have probably about 10 seconds of sex before i cannot hold an ejaculation back any longer.
Is this the sort of thing that might actually be a problem and possibly require help with it? Because it certainly feels like it. its not like i get carried away and cant stop and thus climax quickly. it's an immediate feeling of near climax when i get an erection that is anything other than self created.
First, the drugs: If you are capable of an erection and ejaculation, the ED drugs will not help. You will get the side-effects without the benefit. They will not slow your response or help you repeat performance. They are for men who difficulty getting it up. Period. Not for you.
As a young woman, I found it desireable to bring most of my partners off by hand before getting into serious arousal for me. That would slow things down and I still ended up with one thrust wonders.
Look up the "squeeze technique." It requires a cooperative partner but can be fun learning for both of you.
There is currently a movement called "Ladies First" or some such that advocates the man does the woman first and then she gets to him - however she wishes. This is based on the facts that about half of all women require stimulation other than penetration and thrusting to reach orgasm - I am in this category. Many women are most receptive immediately after their orgasm and we like to have a handy one ready to take in as the contractions stop.
Sex therapists (your urologist or, perhaps, GP can refer you) frequently deal with this problem and could have some helpful suggestions. The biggest thing is to share your concerns with your g/f and the two of you arrive at mutually satisfying solutions. Her consideration, alone, may be a great step towards your dealing with this - it will remove much anxiety.
You have written that you have tried everything under the sun to fix your issue but I will post my idea regardless and hopefully it can be of use to you.
Now I can't speak about having sexual intercourse but for masturbation, RELAXING all your muscles in the pelvic region (PC and the others) really cools down the sensations and allows me to go much longer if I wish it. I have heard that when folks are having sex the presence of the other person makes everything more intense and would thus speed you on your way to coming faster than you would want to. I know its tempting (and instinctive?) to want to tense all those muscles during thrusting because it intensifies all the sensations but the relaxing idea I suggested should help (unless you already tried it). At least try it first when you masturbate so you can recognize which muscles are are being affected, you can practice and get accustomed on how to keep everything relaxed because as I wrote before, you WILL want to tense up again and you need to keep (part of) your mind on it.
Maybe masturbating much more often would help too, that's what I had read somewhere anyways. I don't know about your masturbation habits but perhaps give that a shot too, can't hurt. :)
And as other's have mentioned, the actual thrusting is only a small part of the whole experience. Giving your significant other an orgasm can come (several times:) ) from the other portions of the lovemaking experience. As long as you continue to focus on everything and not just the intercourse itself there shouldn't be a problem.
Anyways, best of luck. I hope what I wrote is of help.
I'm pretty sure this is 99% mental...you have too many things that you are worrying about with regards to having sex...i know this a very vague response,but I think the mental aspect is more of a problem than what a lot of people think...especially if you have tried the delay techniques(which by the way..never ever never worked for me)..if you can figure out the mental aspect, you'll will NEVER look back!!..like sports..it's 10% talent and 90% mental when trying to compete...:)
[QUOTE=Alastair J;189413]...2 occasions when i have lasted a half decent amount of time and it has felt like real sex.
during those 2 times i have felt like i knew this is what other guys feel: continual petting and penetration for at least 10 or so minutes after a fair while of foreplay, during this time i have a healthy erection and can enjoy sex and the physical sensation without feeling like i was about to orgasm, then after a while it builds to an orgasm.
I know that is what it is supposed to feel like, but i've only experienced it twice in my life.[/QUOTE]
What was different about those 2 times? When you find something that works, stick with it.
I agree with HardNGood, this problem is all in your mind. Sounds like you've conditioned yourself to come too soon by thinking that you will...
durex makes a product call "play longer". its a desensitizing cream. you can usually get it at like a wal-mart, walgreens, k-mart or a store something like that
Stop focusing on yourself. Relax. Breathe properly. Do your kegels.
Orgasm is separate from ejaculation - learn how to have the one without the other. Then get busy doing body worship on your lady.
The idea is to learn every sutble nuance of her sexuality.
Take your time with this.
Then instead of just thrusting away - learn to caress first her G-Spot and then her posterior fornix with the head of your penis. Focusing on those two advanced techniques should help you last longer.
G-Spot - use your hand to help find it. You slide back and forth while pressing upwards.
Posterior Fornix - find her cervix then slide under and back to the back of the vagina and slide back and forth while pressing downward.
By watching how she responds to both techniques you will learn how to tell when you're doing them correctly.
Those are my "nice" tips for men who do not last "long enough".
I do have others.