I need some honest feedback from women. This topic is centered around the primary thesis that I think I've always been far more into my wife than she's been into me. I've seen this mostly in our sex life which is wholeheartedly unbalanced with me always being interested and her showing little if any interest.
But this one thing still bothers me from time to time. My wife met me in 1995 and I had a mustache. Back in 2007 I shaved it for the first time in many years and she came home and didn't say a word. Two days went by before one of my kids made comment about it at which time my wife looked up and said, "oh, you shaved your mustache." Now she can be a bit spacy and in some ways I chalked it up to just that, but over the last four years I've come back to that wondering how you could miss a facial feature that prominent for two full days.
Now I'm the kind of guy who notices every little thing about my wife. Every little detail from her hair style that day to what earrings she's picked out to the color of her toenail polish she has on. I'm that way because I tend to worship the woman I love and those little details stand out for me. Plus I work in law enforcement so I think my nature is to notice more detail more than the average person does perhaps.
So my question is very simple. Is not noticing something like a missing mustache on a husband you've never known without it, after 12 years normal? . . . or even possible?
I grew it back within three months because I like it but the point remains how is this possible? Please give me the truth ladies. I can take it. Your thoughts and opinions are important to me.
Okay - since you quite sure you want to know the truth.
Your wife either did not notice, being distracted by other thoughts, or she did not feel the need to comment figuring that it is your moustache so it is your choice - shave or not shave. This does not mean she does not love you, just that your moustache came under the heading of 'your business, not mine'.
I may notice something different about my adored husband but I may not comment on it at the time, forget it, and then 'remember/recall' - oh yes! he got his haircut last Saturday. We've been married more than 30 years now.
Yes, I'd say it was possible.
BTW - my husband also notices more about me than I notice about him. It isn't 'just you two'. It may be "married man's survival instinct" - keeping an eye out for storms ahead.
I tend to notice little details about my partner,but like EEK said I don't always comment on certain things.He had a beard and moustache when I met him.I made a remark that I didn't really like beards.Soon after he shaved it all off.I noticed as I happen to like moustaches,and I said that he didn't have to shave it off as I would get used to it.He wants to grow it again (the beard) and that is entirely up to him.He has been away for a couple of weeks and is due home in a few days.He told me in a phone call that he hasn't shaved since leaving.Anway he left his shaving gear behind,but I suppose he could have bought disposable razors if he wanted to.I will notice when he comes back,but may not feel the need to comment.
EEK, I'm not trying to sound fragile or easily injured. And a haircut is hardly the same thing. We get those every couple of weeks. I'm talking 11 or 12 years of my wife never seeing me without it. There are other things as well that make me wonder about how she sees me which I haven't brought up, but I wanted to find out from the ladies what they think of this one event. I realize we're all different. I get that. Some people notice details more than others. It just struck me as very odd that she wouldn't notice something so blatantly obvious. I'm not vain. I don't even think of things like that typically. It was just weird that's all.
Yep - tis different - but that's how some humans are made, hun.
I think that is a huge problem. i would be very upset if I where you. Did you talk to her about it?
Okay, I'm sorry, I gotta jump in here.
[QUOTE=blue perspective;271411]...There are other things as well...which I haven't brought up...[/QUOTE]
This strikes me as a huge piece of the puzzle of your relationship. Because....why? Why let it fester for four years and then bring it up to...NOT...her? Either truly, wholly, let stuff go for the love of Mike, or talk to her about it until you can.
Not talking is like an ear infection. You can't end those dang things without antibiotics. Trust me, I know, I busted an eardrum once on an infection. It starts out as a dull annoyance, but left untreated it never goes away. Then it gets worse and starts to hurt. It keeps building up and hurts more and more and more, until something busts. Next thing you know you're bleeding and puss-ing out a temporarily deaf ear, and it all could have been avoided if you'd addressed it to begin with.
I'm exhausted and therefore probably more blunt than I'd normally be, so please don't take my tone personally. But do take my point to heart.
I didn't let it fester. I kind of made a joke in front of her and the family about "how could you not notice after all these years with me?" and then let it die right there. But truthfully, it was something I thought about me more as time went on. Not to the point where I'd bring it up to her or where I even gave it a lot of consideration frankly, because she's just not a detail person per se. She can walk right by an armed robbery taking place and not notice. But when you're married to someone for over 10 years and you've never seem then any other way but with hair under their nose, that struck me as odd. I'm not going to tackle it with her now because it's not a huge ordeal to me. I wanted some female insight and it seems like the replies are all over the place. Some think there's no way she shouldn't notice, while others are like what's the big deal?
Of course they're all over the place. No two women think with the same brain.
My husband regularly makes statements about how I'd only notice he was gone when the laundry or the trash piled up.
In 1999, my late wife and I had been married for 25 years, and during all that time, she'd never seen me without a mustache. Beards had come and gone many times, sideburns, and the mustache had grown and shrunk over the years, but was always present. At that time, I had been wearing my hair in a very long ponytail (mid-life crisis...), and we were getting ready for an anniversary trip to Hawaii. We were out together doing pre-flight errands, and on an impulse, thinking I'd be doing a lot of snorkeling, I had my hair cut short and my beard and mustache totally shaved off. I waited for her in front of the shopping plaza we were at, and she walked right past me with no sign of recognition!! I yelled after her, she turned and looked quizzically for a few moments before bursting into tears. She certainly noticed!
Michael
I would attribute some of this to your overly powerful attention to detail as well, considering your job. I'm an IT guy, so I notice everything my wife does "wrong" on the computer, and I'm sure there are mechanics that can't understand why the wife's car has a piece of tape over the Check Engine light. :)