I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, he is 28 and I am 26. When we first started dating our sex life was absolutely amazing, we did it at least once a day and experimented an awful lot. I never really had much confidence when it came to sex but my boyfriend encouraged me to try new things, such as using toys, getting me to play with myself and filming us. Over the past few months things could not be more different between us. I am the one wanting to do these things and he isn't. He has said to me that as he is so in love with me it is hard to see me in that light and want to be really 'naughty' with me, he also admitted that he doesn't really want to have sex every day anymore.
I know there is no chance that he is getting it anywhere else as he is constantly with me.
I really do not know what to do for the best. I do not see that being in love should change things this much, but he does. Should I try to get things back to the way they were, or just admit defeat?
I gotta be honest, I can give a little leeway for the "not every day anymore" thing. I never have been able to go every day. At best every other, because I always get jelly leg and/or tired stomach muscles the next day. But then again I'm the woman, and always on top because he's literally twice my size and self-conscious about breaking me ;)
Having said that....not wanting to see you as naughty anymore seems odd. Most people, the naughtiness concept adds a bit of fun to the experience.
Let me ask....is the "constantly with you" thing, your preference or his?
[color=green]yea the "constantly with you" thing caught my eye.......being up on each other all the time really isn't healthy......you two should have a little space from each other so that you can come back together and make the relationship that much stronger.......a little abstinence isn't going to kill you......if he is a busy person, he may just be exhausted.....it's happened to me before
as far as him seeing you in a different light because he is in love with you....i can see where he's coming from.....past experiences with women has him thinking about which way your relationship is going and how he wants to treat you......he doesn't want to think of being with you for just pure sex........in a sense, you can say that he might actually be thinking of you as a potential wife......don't take my word on that be it's possible......so in that sense, he doesn't want to treat you like a piece of meat that he would toss to the side.......if he is thinking like this, then good for you
you should not try to force anything.......connect with him on a non-sexual level and the sex will come with that.......you can still be "naughty" when together when having sex......just as long as you assure him that you are doing it to please him and that you also enjoy it....but you should fine out what intentions he has for the relationship....that will tell alot[/color]
Hi and thanks for both of your responses.
Well the constantly with me part started out as being both of us, but now to be honest I am encouraging him to go out and spend time with his friends but he's not really interested. Also unfortunately I know that work isn't affecting him, he only works part time in a clothing store and it is not a very stressful job.
He's often talked about marriage during our relationship, and feels strongly about settling down with me. On some level I can agree that his feelings would change things, but on the other hand I'm here offering to do everything that he used to love and he's not interested. Can't say that I've met many men that wouldn't jump at the chance to lie back and watch their girlfriend strip for them, finger themselves etc!
It is obviously slightly flattering that he doesn't want to treat me like a piece of meat, but his favourite position is doing it doggy! Hardly the most loving of positions.
The biggest problem is that he won't really talk to me about his feelings, as he says that he doesn't completely understand why he is like this.
If I was 28 and only worked part time in a clothing store, that would be pretty darn stressful.
[QUOTE=funinthesun;268307]If I was 28 and only worked part time in a clothing store, that would be pretty darn stressful.[/QUOTE]
[color=green]yea, i can agree with that.....unless I own it or something[/color]
Fun I'm not sure if there is sarcasm in your post but I lol'd
OP to me it sounds like the relationship is starting to "level out". Most men have a "new toy" and like to play with it non stop until they fall asleep. They eventually start to lose interest. The last woman I dated who I loved, I couldn't stop wanting her. I wanted it everyday all day. Most of my fwb's I would go non stop, minimum of 5 times a week and after a few months id get bored.
I don't think that having sex everyday is unhealthy. Quite the contrary. If you both are capable of having sex everyday and still functioning and completing your day to day tasks, then do it as much as you want.
His line of "loving you" sounds like an excuse to me. I've loved girls before and not wanted them...they have all been platonic loves. You don't necessarily desire to do porn style, graphic sex, but I've never known someone to change their desires for the "worst" after falling in love.
If he isn't willing to talk to you about it, yet claims to love and want to marry you, then that is another problem. He needs to talk about it because the relationship is on the line. He unlocked the tigress in you (never thought I'd use that word lol) and now he wants you to lock it back up. That's not very fair and if your going to be in a relationship where you are sexually frustrated and unhappy, I can assure you that its going to go downhill if it doesn't change.
My honest advice is to attempt to talk to him. Make it clear that it is very important that this be figure out...go so far as to tell him your relationship is on the line....which it very well could be. If he isn't willing to work on it, then you have to be honest and ask yourself. "Am I willing to live with the amount of sex, and this current sex life forever? Am I truly satisfied sexually or am I using "love" as an excuse for a crappy sex life?"
If you can be truthful with yourself, (which is usually the answer that seems the worst), then be prepared to put on your slinky black dress and go hunting for a man who wants it as bad and as much as you.
[color=green]i agree with Ducy
But I want to know, has your relationship outside of sex changed before the sex changed?[/color]
No, I wasn't being sarcastic. I was just pointing out that while the job itself might not be stressful, if a 28yr old only has a part time job which would *barely* pay for their own day to day expenses and doesn't really lead to anything past that and they are dating someone they love who already has two kids - that could very well be a huge source of work stress.
[color=green]i understood what you meant by it.....life would be hard in the U.S. on just a part time job[/color]
I think you should get him. it's good for your sexual life.
I agree, he's seeing you in a different context - wife rather than girlfriend/lover/sex toy. This is bringing up some inhibitions in his head that are stopping his desire.
He has to talk there's nothing else that will fix this. This should NOT be confrontational but rather a discussion with you seeking to understand this new context of his. Be patient with him because he simply may not have/know quite the words to describe what he's feeling and thinking.