hi people, could use some advise! I have been married to my wife for 4 years and weve been together for 10 but i really do long to experiment more in our sex life! I really enjoy giving oral, but rarely get the chance and would love to try anal and toys with her but she just shuts the door on the subject whenever it bring up! Its getting to the stage where i feel like i may have to start looking elsewhere for my sexual needs. I know that this seems a tad selfish, but i really do long for more in the bedroom. I have only had a few sexual partners, and didnt really experiment much whereas my wife has had a lot of experimenting when she was younger, but doesnt seem to want to the things that she did back then.. any comments on the matter would be greatfully accepted.
Fri, 06/24/2011 - 13:11
#1
Lack Of Experimenting a turn off!!
Thank you for your feedback and the points that you have raised. I would like to add though that like i said, i know that i did sound selfish, i always ensure that my partner is always fulfilled and pleaseured in the way that she wants, i am not a selfish lover..and i was only thinking about "going elsewhere" i honestly think that i would never actually do it. I do agree with what you have pointed out EEK, but i dont blame my partner! Since your posts we have had a good conversation together and we do both agree that we should talk more about what we "both" would like more "or" less of in the bedroom. This is a big step for us and we are going to enjoy it!!
In addition to what has been offered, above, my recommendation is "in addition to". I recommend that the two of you read all of the articles listed in the Index, found at the top of the main screen. A lot of time, effort, and, energy, have gone into developing and writing the articles. You can read them together, or independently, and when done with each, discuss the information and add to what each of you already knows.
EEK made to important points: stated another way, making love is not what we do to each other, rather, what we do with and for each other in partnership; second, the "been there, done that...." Yet, having said this, love and romance does seem to become stale if the two people involved do not seek ways of revitalizing it. This takes an interest on both your parts.
I suggest talking to her, finding out what her thoughts are on these two issues and learn if she has sufficient interest in exploring the not only the possibilities but also ways the two of you in partnership can explore and learn together. While it may very well be true that she has done things with other men, she has not done these things with--you. Therein lies the key to rethinking her position.
Check these two articles out:
HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:
Next: If you are new & have no experience (Pt. 2 of HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED!:
If you are a guy who happens to be shy or uncertain about making the first move, know that this is OK. My suggestion is:
(Part 2 of Chapter 5)
One item I wish to add to Ducy's comment is to wait until your wife has become very highly aroused before starting whatever it is you want to do with regard to building her level of excitement, tension, and, arousal. When it comes to positions, then discuss these with her first.
-doc
I couldn't agree more with EEK!
Just start experimenting. She will most likely follow your lead.
A marriage counselor.
Perhaps you haven't yet considered "been there, done that, no longer interested" - you should at least try to see her point of view before you go talking about your needs and how you haven't done much - as if that's her fault? - and are thinking of going out to find what you need elsewhere -presumably without discussing it with her and in part parhaps blaming her for forcing you to have to go outside to get what you need.
That's point 1. Now for point 2.
You speak of wanting to do things TO her - oral, anal & toys to be specific - nowhere did I read of anything you wanted to do FOR her. Is she supposed to be enjoying this or is thiis "all about you"?
Last point.
All of these accessories and positions and so forth are for beginners - sorry, but someone had to say it. If just her and you together aren't enough then you're missing the point of the exercise which is intimacy - sex = a glorious conflagration of souls joyously reaffirming life itself. I strongly encourage you to forget what you say you need and get busy delivering sex with intimacy so you two fully enjoy sex that is a glorious conflagration of souls joyously reaffirming life itself. Because once your sex is that flaming exaltation, you won't want any toys, anal, whatever - this is sex at a whole other level.
Time to join the big leagues, Sparky.
And marriage counseling ain't a bad idea either.