> So I'm sort of new to all of this and have some basic questions.

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> When fooling around with a guy, do you generally do a hand job first, a blow job first, both? only one?

When fooling around with a guy, you go as far as YOU want to each time. Women set the boundaries. When fooling around it is best to proceed in stages. Traditionally and for generations, these stages have been known as "Necking", "Petting", "Heavy Petting", and "Foreplay". There is an article that discusses each as well as how it all works.

With one boyfriend you may never get beyond Necking; with others, you may get further and how much further depends upon you. Also, progression from one stage to the other with someone new might takes weeks or months, there is no time line except what is comfortable. Go too fast and give a new boy a hand job or blow job too soon and you may very well develop a reputation around that you are "easy".

> also when you give a handjob do you HAVE to use lube?

No, although a lubricant can be a very enjoyable plus. This was discussed in a post yesterday or the day before. Look for it. Saliva works well as a lube. So too does hand lotion--as long as no condoms are involved.

When you give a blow job, is he supposed to be hard when you start? How long does it last usually?

Erections seem to have a mind of their own. They come and they go. You may never see a flaccid penis for years, then again, you may. If a soft penis does greet you it is no big deal, even though the boy may be mortified. KNOW THIS: Erections can be rebuild. Girls enjoy watching a penis grow as a result of what they are doing.

A b/j is generally more enjoyable when the penis is hard, yet you can begin at any time. Now, having said that, I would wait until he is very very aroused because all those sensitive nerve endings turn on and become reactive the more turned on he is.

> Also, when he cums, where does it go if you don't want to swallow?

To swallow or not to swallow is an individual decision that a woman makes and that all guys must abide by. Do not give into whining or cajoling. There is about a tablespoon of semen that comes out in several spurts. It can land anywhere based upon the angle of the penis, the direction it is pointed, the force of the ejaculation, and whether the penis is being moved around at the time. It might land on his abdomen, chest, your body, the seat, blanket, or just about anywhere within a couple of feet.

Please browse the Index as all of this has been discussed along with other questions or concerns you may not have thought of yet. You have asked some great questions. Once you have done your homework, please feel free to ask anything else that concerns you. We are here to help.

I hope this is of help.

I can only offer some of my own experiences. I was having sex for some time before I started performing oral sex, its not some sort of introductary build up to full sex.

Handjobs are slightly different, for me I decided against having sex for some time. My bf had been sexually active with his previous gf and didn't want his newly found sex life to end just because he was with me. He was quite a decent guy (if a very horny one) so mutual masturbation was the answer. When we were snogging at some stage through a combination of my hand and his own he'd masturbate. In a way it was good for because he could do it whenever he felt the urge, for me it got me used to being with a guy without actually having full sex. We were in a relationship for over a year quite happy before we actually had sex and even then he used to like going back to doing things the old way occassionally.

As for oral sex and swallowing. If you don't want him to finish in your mouth then he's going to have to tell you to stop in plenty of time and then you or he will wank him till he finishes. I just think it ruins the mood myself and just creates a scene.

If you let him finish in your mouth and you don't want to swallow then just keep a tissue hand their really shouldn't be that much seme. For me though spitting usually meant I ended up tasting the semen while if I swallow I never taste anything. Also I just found it more discrete.

You may want to read the sticky post "The Program" under the Long Term and Married section. For most men penetration is The Thing and all else is just 'not serious fooling around'. The same can be said for most experienced women. This is why The Program has a progression built into it from relaxation to intercourse. With that in mind, manual and oral sex are 'just appetizers' i.e. nice but not 'the real deal'.

Lubricant is good - use it.

If you don't want to swallow (I do) then have a wipe of some kind very close by and ask him to warn you when he's about to ejaculate.

Women rule sex. It is just that simple. You make the decisions not only to have sex or not but also what kind of sex, with whom, where, when, and how. Just remember to play fair, use your power wisely and only for good.

in my opinion everything depends on yer comfort level ,n on understandin between yooh n that guy ...there ain't ne rules laid for these stuff ,you can try nethin or neways you want :)

Well if your starting out.. itll usually be a wristy first because either wont be comfortable with oral. Once the individuals are comfortable with oral, their is really no hard and fast rules. Sometimes it might end up straight away going to oral -- sometimes it wont. Once your comfortable, their is no strcit way of doing it.. it should be spontaneous. Ive never had a girl use lube when giving me a handjob.

Usually the anticipation of whats to come will make most guys hard pretty early on.. during the kissing. So yup, he will usually be hard before you start oral. How long? Depends.. maybe he'll cum quickly, maybe he wont and itll go for a while, maybe you wont and will stop. Id say most guys will be done in 5-10mins though.

If you dont swallow? Keep tissues handy by the bed because it may be on you. Otherwise, ever heard of people having to change the sheets? Well yep, that answers that.

Please re-read what the Mom said "Most guys do not have a clue" and I would agree with her, so this idea "there are no rules" is piffle! Maybe 'rules' is the wrong word. Think of it as skill qualifications. You have to practice so you can get your 'certificate of competency'.

The Program gives you, if nothing else, a handy list of things you should be able to do.

Hmm scratch that.

Hmmm, so if I said no fellatio to help get you erect and just expected you to come to me only when you're already erect would be okay with you? I could just ignore your need for foreplay, consideration, and skill on my part and you'd be happy with that?

I doubt it.

When considering such questions, it is best to look at the situation from both sides.

Heres the thing that works for me and my guy, he likes me to mix it up a little. First I usualy carress the little V in the head of his dick to get him semi hard. Then I just lick his head lightly to tease him and make him want it more, he loves the rush he gets from the anticapation. Here's another tip, dont choke yourself trying to get the whole thing in there lol theres nothing really special about deep throating what it does is give the head of his dick a different sensation, as long as you play with the head with your tongue enough he probably wont even notice the whole things not in there he'll be to distracted! When you put his dick in your mouth something my guy loves is when i'm going up and down I swivel my tongue when its flat against his dick, that always makes his eyes roll to the back of his head!

Oh and about the not wanting to swallow thing.. thats perfectly fine, you dont have to let him blow on you or anything like that, just have a towel or something that he can cum in