My take:

What matters is what feels good to you. By all means, be open to new stuff (or, occasionally, giving old stuff another try), but there's no need to apologize or worry if what turns on other people bores you (or vice versa).

Nor are you unusual, I don't think. I've known more than one woman whose reaction to fingers inside was something like, "Quit wasting your time and effort." As well as the opposite - I remember one for whom very firm G-Spot stimulation was the ne plus ultra, and clitoral stimulation was just a pleasant side-light to the main event.

Wetness isn't enormously important either: the only reasons it matters are (a) as an indication that you're aroused (which you know anyway) and (b) for the actual lubrication (which is what they sell lube for).

The key is communication, if you dont tell him what you like, he will just assume that hes doing a good job. Let him know what you like.

> I'm not really sure if I have a problem or if maybe he's not giving me what I need to do that.

Hi there,
Good question.... When are you being fingered? In other words, where along the journey to Nirvana does he begin to do this--and, how turned on are you at the time? There have been several posts in recent weeks that suggest couples are rushing right past doing a lot of kissing and caresssing (making out) in their (his?) haste to get to foreplay and perhaps intercourse if things have gone that far. Well, this is just plain wrong and even inconsiderate, yet for whatever reason, guys just don't get that spending half an hour to an hour just fooling around with everything not labeled genitalia and breasts (erogenous zones) is critically important to a woman's process of arousal. Guys can be up an ready for a climax often within minutes, not so the typical woman who requires much more preparation in this area if she isn't interested in a Quickie.

So, if he is fingering you too early in your arousal process it just might be that you are not yet ready for it to happen, and, that the two of you need to devote much more time to warming up your "engine" before reving it up.

> normally I'm just... a little wet and his fingers are the only things wet.

The amount of wetness varies from woman to woman, and, from day to day throughout her cycle. In and of itself, you might be quite normal, unless you have a track record in which you know that you produce more mucus when doing certain things either with him or by yourself and at certain times of the month. If you generally do produce more, even if later in the evening as you get more into it then this is an indication, also, that he is fingering you too early.

> I'm not really diggin the fingering inside the vagina part.

To each her own; however, having said this, you should know that many women do not involve their vaginas during masturbation. The vagina does not contain nerves so there will not be much sensation when penetrated. What you can benefit from is a sense of fullness that a penis, toy, or finger provide when inside. This seems to be more important to women, whereas for us guys, it is in the actual penetration that turns us on further. Here, again, the benefits are greater the more turned on you are and to become turned on, you have to spend time building each other's arousal process and not racing past the preliminaries of kissing and caressing just to get to the nipples, clitoris and penis.

> I like when he does little circular motions outside my vagina and around my clitoris and hood

Does he know this? If so, encourage him to wait until your level of excitement and anticipation are greater.

> do I need to maybe give him some techniques or is fingering just not for me? Any opinions?

Communication is the cornerstone of every successful relationship and this includes the sexual aspect, also. So, yes, talk to him about what you like, what you do not enjoy, and how best to achieve the things you do like. Take his hand in yours and guide his movements several times until he learns to mimic your specific movements, rhythms, and pressures that are unique to you in order to masturbate. The same goes for just simply touching and caressing you in general. Encourage him to do the same things for you.

Providing feedback is also extremely important. This can be either verbal or non-verbal. Without some cues how are we able to determine what our partner likes and how s/he is reacting to our caresses? When we masturbate we benefit from internal feedback that permits us to modulate our movements and perhaps make tiny midcourse corrections to what we are doing. When we turn the process over to our partner, there is no feedback other than what we provide with a whisper or some sort of body language that the two of you work out in order to convey specific meanings.

Lastly, can you achieve orgasms by your own hand through masturbation? If so, then you have every reason so expect that he can do this for you with some guidence. We do not give orgasms away. All any of us can hope for is to help our partner achieve his/her own. This is why it is important to learn how each of us does it and then to learn each other's specific techniques.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

You're not unsual. Most women do not get pleasure from penetration (fingering or otherwise) alone. Most need some kind of clitoral stimulation to get turned on and to get off. You will probably find out that rings true for you when you do start to have sex.

I enjoy when he fingers me. I enjoy when we have sex. But that alone is not going to get me off and make me uber turned on. First I do need extra lube, regardless of how wet I seem to be, and to get off, I need the clitoral stimulation, whether from me or him in some fashion.

To summarize a point I hope others have made here (I didn't read the replies), take his hand and show him what you like, assuming you masturbate, of course, and know how to finger yourself. That'd be the easiest way to do it, and he'd think it was hot I bet.

Well Heartsweetie, has it gotton any better in the last month? There was good advice given and hopefully you and him have had a chance to experiment and talk through some of the suggestions. By guiding his hand and telling him to move it in a certain way or motion and exactly where he should be will be very helpful. This can be done in a highly arousing way for him and doesn't just have to be straight instructions. Just short instructions would accomplish this such as "just a little higher now", "oh yea that feels good", and continue to give feed back like this. I wouldn't recommend saying something like "you need to move your hand here and then rub it in a circular motion or it won't feel good". That kind of deflates the emotion at the time. Of course if you are out to dinner and discussing what feels good and how the technique can be improved this may be more appropriate. But if you are starting to have some fun, the short instructions are very erotic and will be extremly helpful to him.

Just be aware that he is enjoyin the feeling of you and it is very pleasurable to him to be able to finger you. So you both may as well enjoy the experience. I very much enjoy fingering my wife. I love the feel of that area and the chance to also bring her some pleasure.

One other suggestion that would absolutely turn him on and give him some good information is for you to show him what feels good. Go ahead and use your hand and rub yourself and give him a good show. After awhile just ask him to take over. I just love it when my woman will stimulate herself. It only happens after she is extremely turned on, usually after I have been giving her oral sex, and I will move her hand down there. She will usually just rub the clit area, but she does at times insert her fingers into her vagina. Again this is way into the arousal phase that doc was mentioning. She is hesitant to do this at any other time. It has been helpful for me when she has joined in and an absolute turn on for me. She has been encouraging me to rub myself expecially during her giving me oral sex. It hasn't always been this way, so I think she is a little more relaxed with some self stimulation and I am hoping she will also take advantage of this and start stimulating herself more. I would love to just have a sex session where we both masterbate in front of each other at the same time, but that is another topic for a different thread. Hopefully you are comfortable enough to do this to help teach him.