Did you read the following after you wrote it? There is something wrong with this scenario, and it isn't necessarily that you are an extrovert. There is a saying "what part of 'n o' don't you understand"; in your case I'll reverse it and ask you what part of "y e s" don't you understand?

[QUOTE=TeddyBear85;253871][COLOR="blue">Hi, I get married in just over 4 weeks and I have been with my partner for 6 years. The Bestman in our wedding works over at the mines and comes back every 2 weeks for a week and he is at our house alot of that time! But I notice that I flirt with him all the time and always want to touch him! I don't think of him in a sexual way and I would never cheat on my partner but I don't know why I do it.[/COLOR]

Are you this open and gregarious with your fiance and other people with whom you come into contact? If so, then he is just one of the so called flock. I wouldn't worry about your conduct; on the other hand, if you are normally not this outgoing with others, then I ask--why him?
[COLOR="blue">
Sometimes I think what if I was with him and not my current partner. I don't know if I just like the excitement of it all like what you feel when you meet someone new because I know I miss that,[/COLOR]

"Current partner?" Curious choice of words considering you have a "fiance".

There is nothing wrong with daydreaming and wondering about "what if's"; however, I detect trouble coming and not from your relationship with the miner.

[COLOR="blue">or maybe it's because he has heaps of money and acts his age? My fiance is so immature he acts like a 5 year old. It might be also because the Best man and I have more in common he drives an awesome car and I am really into cars...My fiance drives a stupid old Ford Falcon...and his into the music I am into. I also get along with the Bestman's family....I hate my Fiance's family! Especially his mum and sister, I wont even talk to his mum. But also the Bestman is so protective of me too which I like. He does not have a partner. What am I doing? Is it wrong?? It feels wrong please help me![/COLOR]

What I see as wrong is that you have been with a "5 year old" boy for 6 years that you indicate is not a good match for you. That you have problems with members of his family that you have not addressed is a huge danger signal. Add to this the fact that your "boy" apparently is not "so protective" of you, does not have "heaps of money", or is able to afford a fancy car, and, not into the same type(s) of music and I ask: "where are the mutual interests, draw, attachments, and, emotional connections? Why are you going to marry this immature individual in four weeks and spend the next six decades with him?

[COLOR="blue">I always like it when I get a text from him and look forward to him coming around too! Also I am not sure if he notices I flirt either but when I do he smiles..[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Yes, he notices.

Why is he spending a lot of time at your house when he is back in town?

If you were to reply back and ask if you should be getting married my response based upon the information you have shared is "NO", not now, and certainly not him. Why?

You have unresolved issues in the relationship that you are either blind to or are ignoring. That said, please answer my questions, above, because you need to read and understand the importance of your answers.

There seems to be more wrong with your six year relationship than there is with your relationship with your friend. What is it about your fella that draws you toward him, makes you want to be with him and to share a life? You have not given us one complimentary attribute. I would call off the wedding and continue to live as a single person until you get your priorities in order and find someone who you appreciate and are attracted to, and who values you, rocks your world, can support you, and who offers more than an "I love you". Until such time and IMHO you are not ready to marry any man, and least of all a "boy". You should devote the next year or so working on you before working on a relationship with a man.

Here is an article to read:

I think we are ready to live together!!
We frequently hear about people living together who later find that one, the other, or both are not happy living together. Similarly, we frequently read a post in which a couple is contemplating moving in together and looking for a suitable residence. Here is an initial Check List.

Please feel free to continue the discussion.

Thank you for the very informative reply.

I stand by my observations in that you are not ready to marry this fella, and not ready to marry any fella for the foreseeable future. Your fiance is way too immature, especially if he won't stand up and protect his woman before family, friends, or, enemies. I surmised as much, earlier, without knowing what he told you.

I imagine you will throw caution and good sense to the wind and follow thru with your plans, rather than take some time out to do some introspection of yourself and some observations of your partner to be. If you do proceed with plans, please seek premarital counseling and couples' counseling before the wedding. Opposites do attract but not so much with human beings. I've written about this quite a lot.

Marriage is a partnership between two autonomous adults whose desire it is to willingly join forces in order to have a life greater than the sum of its two parts. The two of you can have different interests and hobbies, however, if your temperaments and tolerances are/or goals, ideals, and objectives, are vastly different the initial attraction will soon turn sour.

Please do not marry this fella believing you can change him. You cannot unless and until he wants to change those behaviors and/or characteristics that you do not like.

Both of you have much more growing to do. You have to stand up for what is important to you and not settle for less. Until you can do this, you are not ready for a serious relationship. I get the distinct feeling you are marrying because it is the expected thing to do, even if it means "damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead!"

Oh, and here is another article for you to read, also in the Index:

Confrontations-- About Fighting, Arguing & Negotiating
How to give your partner the most of what s/he wants without giving up the core of what you want.
Or--making life better and more peaceful.

-doc

> I just wanted to know if it was wrong? And why i do it

You are flirtatious and extroverted and these attributes are certainly not wrong.

That your fiance is not threatened by a hug, kiss of greeting, or, suggestive chit-chat with another would seem to me to be acceptable.

As for why you do it, you'd have to examine why you have an outgoing, friendly, way of interacting with others. It is built in and as long as your behavior does not make others uncomfortable, then do not change. You are probably seen by others as quite approachable and this is a great characteristic to have when it comes to winning friends and influencing others.

Wrong? Only if you are not mindful of how others react to your friendliness. Some people are reserved and up-tight when it comes to showing feelings or expressing emotions. Knowing this, please monitor a person's body language and be prepared to modulate what you say and do so as not to make the other person uneasy. Other than that, no harm no foul.

Hmm, your not only wrong but it sounds like your not ready to get married. I think your having big doubts but don't want to break your fiance's heart.

Just know that the grass always looks greener and that if you marry this person and have an affair with his bestman later your gonna really mess him up. Don't just think about yourself here but everyone that is involved. Your family and his family would be devastated. Be real with yourself and communicate with your fiance about the things you don' t like about him. If you don't like them now they are gonna multiply when you get married.

Good Luck

If you have this many negative thoughts about your fiancee, I have to say you shouldn't be getting married, regardless of another man or not. It sounds like you're taking the first guy to come along.

Just curious - how do you "flirt with him" and "want to touch him all the time," but then say you don't think of him "in a sexual way?" Must be a girl thing...or denial?

Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. I have extended family members (aunts and cousins) who are rather demonstrative.

"Touching" can be:
* greeting each other with a cheek-to-cheek hug and air kiss
* a hand on a forearm
* a hand touching a hand
* a hand placed on the shoulder
* a hand placed on the upper back

...all during conversations and/or when passing each other.

"Flirt with him" or vice versa can be lightly suggestive talk or positive innuendos generally considered harmless banter.

i was in a similar situation and trust me things can get pretty out of hand. one thing is to evaluate your marriage and see if it will work out inthe long run. only a matter of time before the temptation grows too strong for you, or that your man gets jealous and sour his relationship with that guy. maybe it is just a crush but would be good if you can sort out your feelings before they control you altho i am tempted to say go with your feelings but then i think the consequences will be terrible - and i am sure you know that too.

---

Confucius says: "Man who masturbates without TENGA takes matters into his own hands.:

I have read all of this and frankly, girl, THIS IS WRONG on so many levels!

You are hell-bent on marrying a man you do NOT respect, from a family you do NOT respect despite anything anyone may say - unresolved problems with 'authority'? Perhaps but it doesn't speak well of your own maturity.

Your fiance' does not stand up for you meaning he cares more for his family than he does for you. Why would you even want a man who would not go through hell for you? The first 'threat' to you and he'd roll over and play dead. So you picked him because you can 'make him what you want him to be' meaning that a normal guy with ideas of his own, well, see item one above.

The money, the car, the bestman - all immaterial piffle. The ONLY thing that matters here is what is going on between you and your fiance'. He trusts this bestman and you aren't honoring that trust but are considering, yes you are, breaking them up. Do you have to have total control over your fiance'? If so, see item one above.

What I see is a young woman with a weak ego, little maturity, and an almost total lack of self-honesty who has to be the Queen Bee not understanding that the reason she wants power is because she really is power-less.

I advise stopping any thoughts of marrying anyone and getting out into the world, totally away from your family and your local area, and growing up the hard way.

Teddybears: I agree with many on this thread that you should not get married because you don't sound ready. I got married when I was 19. I had so many doubts, but I was one of those that liked to try "new things" so to speak and would jump in with both feet without thinking things through. Wow, I made the biggest mistake of my life!!! Needless to say, the marriaged ended. I know I didn't love this person I was marrying, but I liked him. Without true love in a marriage, it just isn't gonna work. I made a horrible wife. If you have any doubts at all about marrying this man, call the wedding off. Believe me, it might save you a lot of trouble and hurt feelings in the long-run.

If I was your fiance and just read what you wrote here, I'd be dropping you like its hot. Sounds like you shouldn't be getting married.

Marriage is not an institution of slavery and any idea you have of "changing" or "molding" your new husband into what you want is ridiculous. People get married because they are in love and they share an intimate bond with each other. People get married because the thought of being apart from each other is too much to bear. People get married because they have decided to be true to one another for a lifetime.

I don't think you really know what marriage is all about.

You can't marry someone in hopes of changing them into the person you want them to be. Also, you don't seem to have a mature basis for marrying this "man child". You sound rather immature yourself & I suggest that you take a good at yourself, your goals, and what you want out of life & a life partner before making such a huge decision like getting married. Good luck...

Oh and I can't answer your original question honestly b.c I don't think that you are being honest about "not thinking about him sexually."

It is wrong. Now you still love your current fiance per your post. I recommend you take a marriage class and complete every exercise with your finace who will be your best friend. If everything goes OK I do not see why you should not get married.

PS: I was engaged to a girl in a very similar situation I recommended the marriage class. We went and we decided it was not right to get married. Since that episode I found my truly loving best friend. Just keep an open mind.