So I finally had sex. I knew it would happen eventually didn't think this soon though. But suddenly I have this guilt feeling. I dunno why I just do. Sometimes I over analyze stuff , Am I suppose to feel guilty? He's bragging to his friends how I saved myself for him when in reality it just happened. I just did it because I felt like doing it but now I feel so blah...Does everybody get this feeling once they lose their virginity?
Sun, 10/02/2011 - 20:28
#1
It happened..
I did. I thought it was going to be "special" and I was going to like wake up after and feel different. I didn't thought so I was sorta disappointed.
The fact that he's a douchebag makes it even worse. If I was in your position I'd walk up and knock him out. (Maybe that's all my testosterone talking haha). But the virginities I have taken, I never took it as she waited for me. I actually felt honored that they wanted me to be their first since it does take some trust and respect to have sex with someone.
I agree with Ducy; this guy is full of it! :mad: That's just low to brag to his friends. And I think it's a big part of why you now feel guilty and blah. I'm sorry you feel that way and I hope it will pass soon.
Does everyone get the feeling you have? Not guilty or blah, but I felt highly confused after my first time. Though it had been wonderful and had even exceeded my expectations. It was not planned, it just happened because I felt like it, but we had been working towards it for months. He responded like Ducy suggests and I think any (wo)man should; he felt honored I shared that moment with him.
[QUOTE=Ducy;274042]I did. I thought it was going to be "special" and I was going to like wake up after and feel different. I didn't thought so I was sorta disappointed.
The fact that he's a douchebag makes it even worse. If I was in your position I'd walk up and knock him out. (Maybe that's all my testosterone talking haha). But the virginities I have taken, I never took it as she waited for me. I actually felt honored that they wanted me to be their first since it does take some trust and respect to have sex with someone.[/QUOTE]
argh it does!! wish I could re-do that night and be like no I changed my mind. But can't do that now lol.
[QUOTE=RedRoses;274043]I agree with Ducy; this guy is full of it! :mad: That's just low to brag to his friends. And I think it's a big part of why you now feel guilty and blah. I'm sorry you feel that way and I hope it will pass soon.
Does everyone get the feeling you have? Not guilty or blah, but I felt highly confused after my first time. Though it had been wonderful and had even exceeded my expectations. It was not planned, it just happened because I felt like it, but we had been working towards it for months. He responded like Ducy suggests and I think any (wo)man should; he felt honored I shared that moment with him.[/QUOTE]
Exactly. I told him if he tells anyone else he really is going to offend me. But now I feel like since I popped the fun is not going stop.
Tata don't regret it. Just learn from it. Don't let it tun you off from sex or anything. Justhave sex with more matured people.
Tataa, I'm so sorry to hear this...yikes. To be honest, it's stories like this that make me quite fearful of sex in general. I'm sorry that the man you were with told his friends.
Both you and ducy mentioned something about how after you guys had sex that there's really no special feeling...just...possibly guilt or emptiness.
I kind of want to know if anyone else had this feeling after sex or the first time in general...
Do not feel guilty. The first time is rarely 'special' esp if you didn't get an orgasm out of it. You guy telling all his friends and bragging about ow 'she waited for him' marks him down as an insensitive even stupid jerk and you should never speak to him again or otherwise acknowledge his existence - in front of his friends - that way, they'll mark him down as a liar. Only what he deserves.
No, I didn't feel guilty at all. It was fun. I enjoyed myself immensely.
There have been times when I ruefully wonder 'what was I thinking?' but then I still live and life remains good.
Other than that - congrats!
Its not that I felt guilty.. I just didn't feel any different. I had built sex up as this hugely spectacular event. With birds singing and fireworks bursting and all that wonderful junk.
Well it wasn't I was just thrown off because I had waited for someone I loved and all that fairy tale crap, but it was nothing like the fairy tales. It was basically my fault for it.
So I should ignored him? We are boyfriend and girlfriend but lately I've been turned off. Not just because he told a couple of his friends but just his bad habits although nobody is perfect. I didn't achieve an orgasm and once I was about to he had already achieved his.
[QUOTE=Ducy;274053]Tata don't regret it. Just learn from it. Don't let it tun you off from sex or anything. Justhave sex with more matured people.[/QUOTE]
I'm curious to see what else is out there..:D
i am surprised to read that you and him are bf/gf. i have only seen people brag about people who are not special to the person. i agree with eek that he is very insensitive and is behaving like a child. since you are only dating then you are free to find someone better. someone that makes sure you are pleased and will behave like an adult regarding personal topics such as this.
> So I should ignored him? We are boyfriend and girlfriend but lately I've been turned off.
I gather from this that you have not read any of my replies about what dating should be all about, nor read any of the articles listed in the Index regarding dating. Dating is NOT about belonging, the process is about learning about others, their character, mannerisms, likes, dislikes, quirks, goals, morals, etc. so that when Mr./Ms. Right does come along we will be better able to recognize him/her. Dating does not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. Dating is not all about staying in a relationship longer than is productive. The only thing wrong with staying in an unsatisfactory relationship longer than this is one more day!
I recommend dating lots of men in order to find Mr. Right. If he happens to be that one in a million guy, then you have to date a million guys.
Why haven't you been reading the articles listed in the Index?
As for losing your virginity before you wanted to, please find the article on "Experience" and employ its information as if this will be your first time coming up. (For all practical purposes it will be.) Consider the following for your peace of mind:
In western cultures we take a woman's word regarding her virginity, not so in many eastern cultures. That you had intercourse one time involving little or no experience for all practical purposes you still are functionally a virgin. With each new partner who enters your life, there will be a new Square One from which the two of you will begin. Experience equates to knowledge not skill. I don't believe a little white lie if it comes to this with some guy is going to harm your budding relationship.
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;274066]> So I should ignored him? We are boyfriend and girlfriend but lately I've been turned off.
I gather from this that you have not read any of my replies about what dating should be all about, nor read any of the articles listed in the Index regarding dating. Dating is NOT about belonging, the process is about learning about others, their character, mannerisms, likes, dislikes, quirks, goals, morals, etc. so that when Mr./Ms. Right does come along we will be better able to recognize him/her. Dating does not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. Dating is not all about staying in a relationship longer than is productive. The only thing wrong with staying in an unsatisfactory relationship longer than this is one more day!
I recommend dating lots of men in order to find Mr. Right. If he happens to be that one in a million guy, then you have to date a million guys.
Why haven't you been reading the articles listed in the Index?
As for losing your virginity before you wanted to, please find the article on "Experience" and employ its information as if this will be your first time coming up. (For all practical purposes it will be.) Consider the following for your peace of mind:
In western cultures we take a woman's word regarding her virginity, not so in many eastern cultures. That you had intercourse one time involving little or no experience for all practical purposes you still are functionally a virgin. With each new partner who enters your life, there will be a new Square One from which the two of you will begin. Experience equates to knowledge not skill. I don't believe a little white lie if it comes to this with some guy is going to harm your budding relationship.[/QUOTE]
I've read the article. I just haven't been getting many dates. In this case he was a blind date. I wanted to take things slow and get to know him more but at the same time I felt like my hormones got the best of me. In all honesty if I could take back that first night I would, only because I know I can do better. Instead I disrespected myself and that's not like me. From a friend's stand point he's a good friend but as a boyfriend...I can do better.
By all means - continue to lie to yourself; mope and whine your way through life blaming this or that and disassociating yourself from the truth: YOU WANTED SEX.
Yes he is an intensive jerk but let's remember he's just a boy not a man real men have no reason to brag to friends
so true.
> > I just haven't been getting many dates.
Have you been using any of the suggestions given for how to improve your odds?
1. Place yourself in situations in which men participate such as:
+ school organizations
+ sports activities (participant &/or spectator)
+ volunteer work
+ church activities
2. Inform family members, friends, and co-workers, that you are interested in dating and to let you know of any person they know who is interested. This is called "networking" as the more people you have helping you search the more likely your chances for success.
> > In this case he was a blind date.
It shouldn't matter. Some people you date will last only an evening, some will last the course of several dates, a few will last several months, one or two will last a long time--and one, will be a keeper. All others will fall by the wayside at some point and this is as it should be. Your purpose in dating should be to learn about others, their character, mannerisms, likes, dislikes, quirks, goals, values, social skills, temperament, etc., so that when Mr./Ms. Right comes along you will be better able to recognize this person. Dating does not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest. Dating is also not about "belonging" to someone; this comes much much later in the process.
> > In all honesty if I could take back that first night I would, only because I know I can do better. Instead I disrespected myself and that's not like me. From a friend's stand point he's a good friend but as a boyfriend...I can do better.
Why take back this experience? Is it because you would like to have waited for a nicer guy; a more suitable match; longer into a relationship; as the second part of your wedding day? Other?
Consider that many girls/women have sex for sex sake &/or they just want to get this initial step to future intimacy out of the way. If the hymen is (partially) intact then it can be dealt with sooner than later possibly saving some discomfort, embarrassment, or awkwardness when it matters more.
Expect that as you continue to date, guys will come and guys will go as you search for the qualities you want in a man so that when Mr. Right does come along you will be better able to recognize him. Dating should be an open ended process of discovery as well as failure--until thee guy enters your life and you decide that this one is a keeper. Expect that some of the men you date you will feel like having sex with; others, making love to; others, not so much.
So, please do not be so hard on yourself and recognize all this for the benefits to you over the disadvantages. Yes, you can do better, but then this is what dating is all about--weeding as well as cultivating; plus, having good times with others and possibly being exposed to new and different experiences. So, instead of being hard on yourself or having a "woe is me" attitude, put a smile on your face and say to yourself: "one down, one to go...." Then go and go and go, again, until Mr. Right walks up and says: "Hi! my name is..., how do you do?"
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
-doc
Very true, Doc - Sorry, everyone but after so many months of hearing various women on this topic with this sort of attitude....
If, let us suppose, she HAD NOT placed such a high value uon her virginity, would she be feeling guilty, worthless, inadequate etc etc etc as she does now? Most likely, NOT.
If, she, and others similar, had accepted that they are human, have been GIFTED with her sexuality and had embraced it joyously, would she be feeling empty inside, excusing herself in effect saying "it wasn't ME, it was my hormones" and wanting to "take it back"? Most likely, NOT.
This is NOT to say she had to have sex with EVERY man she dated but that she should not have been so 'guarded' against the possibility of doing so. Now, unable to accept her concious decision to have sex with this particular guy, she blames her hormones and tries to , in effect' absolve herself and run away from it.
Perhaps this first guy wasn't the best choice but hey - it is done and he's proven himself NOT to be a worthwhile person. So, drop him and move on to the next man. His behavior is NO reflection upon her but only injures himself.
So THINK, why did you choose him? What were the specific traits about him that encouraged you to say yes? What was your state of mind at the time? Then REMEMBER these things when out looking for the next guy so you can develop your 'radar'.
With experience, you do get better at choosing IF you pay attention and remember the lessons of your past.
Thanks Doc! I'm like a baby taking it's first steps to this dating gig. But I'm enjoying/yet hating the learning process. But in the process I still have hope that there is someone out there for me...in the meantime I will satisfy my needs.Yes I wanted to sex..still do.
this what i said before about some boys take advantage of woman for their v card just to show off and brag about. I am sorry for what happened but as RR said learn from it and move on. Drop his ass..lol Be strong and find another that will not do this to you.
EEK you're right about that what is done is done. Do I have regrets yes I do. Why? Because a part of me does wish I was more suitable and compatible with the person. To me there is no "MR.RIGHT" but there is a Mr. Right man for me. Everyone deserves somebody and I do believe in that saying " There is everybody for somebody" . I know plenty of woman who "embraced it joyously" and still regret their first time. Which is why I ask do some of you feel the same way? I'm curious to know. After given some thought I wanted sex and I got it what happened, happen can I change it no? You only get one virginity and once it's gone it's gone forever. If I want to mope I can mope all I want it's my way of expressing myself. Eventually I'll get over it. But to say I sugarcoat the matter not at all. I will use him for my sexual pleasure until I find something better. It's trail and error...life wasn't built with instructions.
Tataa, honestly? More power to you. There's an odd Catch 22 that I feel in relation with this topic...
Regrets are like a bag of bricks. Who are you carrying those bricks for?
Not that I always manage to live by this credo, but the moment I heard it, I decided to remember it and try to look back at it in any moment I'm starting to regret things. If you didn't purposefully, foolishly or unthinkingly hurt or neglected someone, you shouldn't be making it so hard on yourself. Learning or deciding to do things different next time, off course you may :)
Allow me to rewind a bit; how was your first time in the moment itself? Good or bad experience?
My first time wasn't planned,I had wanted to wait for the right guy,but it just happened.I went on a blind date and felt so comfortable with him and there was so much electricity and spark between us that things just progressed.It was good and I didn't regret it at all,and we ended up dating for a little while afterwards but he was a playboy and I got the feeling that he was married,and he just disappeared out of my life one day.@tataa you shouldn't feel bad about it,you weren't to know what a dickhead this guy would be bragging about it to his friends.You do deserve someone better than him who respects you and treats you much better than that.We live and learn by our mistakes and you made that decision to sleep with your boyfriend,but next time you really need to be sure that it is the right person and that it is really what you want.
So the guy decides to damn himself by opening his mouth - when they see you ignoring him and that you dropped him immediately, they'll get the idea "he wasn't good" and/or "he's lying".
Still, that's not your problem. That's HIS problem.
Think of virginity like chicken pox - once done, you never have to worry about it ever again! Thank goodness!!
[QUOTE=RedRoses;274140]Regrets are like a bag of bricks. Who are you carrying those bricks for?
Not that I always manage to live by this credo, but the moment I heard it, I decided to remember it and try to look back at it in any moment I'm starting to regret things. If you didn't purposefully, foolishly or unthinkingly hurt or neglected someone, you shouldn't be making it so hard on yourself. Learning or deciding to do things different next time, off course you may :)
Allow me to rewind a bit; how was your first time in the moment itself? Good or bad experience?[/QUOTE]
In the moment itself it was painful but once he was more gentle with me and it went in with ease I enjoyed it. Although an orgasm for me never occurred..
[QUOTE=sensualGoddess;274139]Tataa, honestly? More power to you. There's an odd Catch 22 that I feel in relation with this topic...[/QUOTE]
:) ah catch 22 you live and you learn
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;274148]So the guy decides to damn himself by opening his mouth - when they see you ignoring him and that you dropped him immediately, they'll get the idea "he wasn't good" and/or "he's lying".
Still, that's not your problem. That's HIS problem.
Think of virginity like chicken pox - once done, you never have to worry about it ever again! Thank goodness!![/QUOTE]
LOL @ that metaphor. That's how I feel right now. I've done it now I don't have to worry about it anymore. Just focus on when I'm going get some again lol
lol, the catch 22 I feel with this post is interesting. There's the regret of having sex...and then there's the regret of not having sex (with the person that ended up being ideal.)
I know it can happen in any scenario. I can only imagine what would be worse out of the two.
I was originally going to type up a long explanation about this, but I ended up having a stress induced headache and it would have been hard for me to explain it in the post.
Today, I woke up with the answer...regret is regret no matter the scenario and therefore, yes we do continue on with life, and we move on.
I don't find it wrong anymore to want sex...
[QUOTE=Aphrodite_66;274143]My first time wasn't planned,I had wanted to wait for the right guy,but it just happened.I went on a blind date and felt so comfortable with him and there was so much electricity and spark between us that things just progressed.It was good and I didn't regret it at all,and we ended up dating for a little while afterwards but he was a playboy and I got the feeling that he was married,and he just disappeared out of my life one day.@tataa you shouldn't feel bad about it,you weren't to know what a dickhead this guy would be bragging about it to his friends.You do deserve someone better than him who respects you and treats you much better than that.We live and learn by our mistakes and you made that decision to sleep with your boyfriend,but next time you really need to be sure that it is the right person and that it is really what you want.[/QUOTE]
So late but thank you kindly ;)