Rethink what you are doing. Discuss the lack of sex with your wife, do something to make a change at home in the sexual aspect of your relationship. If it's a no go, discuss the option of going outside a marriage with your wife. Don't you owe her that?

If you are not certain what turns you on, this may be part of your home issue. Is it worth risking a marriage for a fling? You have said you never made an issue out of the lack of sex, but it IS an issue in your marriage. Not fixing unresolved issues is not a good reason to go elsewhere. You have failed to communicate your true feelings and desires with your wife.

Wow! What are you really asking hear? It sounds more like "Should I cheat on my wife?" than, "How do I please my co-worker fling thing?"
The answer to both is you don't.
I completely agree with Sara, about talking to you wife. Did you ever think that maybe the reason your wife has no interest, is YOUR (admitted) lack of skill?? Your poor wife, not only are you below par in the bedroom department, but now you want to take what little you do have to give somewhere else! If you put nearly as much thought into your current relationship, as you do thinking about this girl at work, you just might be surprised how good things could be.
That said: You have been flirting with this chick for two years, and have put WAY to much thought in to it, because of that it's never going to be as good as you have imagined. All of those lusty, super satisfying, scenarios you have come up with, are going to turn into a nervous, self-conscious 10 minutes, of reality. Not to mention, the guilt and potential STDs (you said shes been around the block) you will bring to your marriage.
If you decide, despite all of this, to have an affair with your co-worker, you best be ready to bring it! You describe a sexually confidant woman, who (don't forget) has also been thinking about this, for some time. It's not going to be easy to give her the excitement shes looking for. So start practicing, more advanced moves on your wife, and maybe work out more, to boost your confidence.
GOOD LUCK!:rolleyes:

If you want to have an affair, at least get out of the office. When things go awry you do not want your professional life to go down the tubes with your personal life.

Just think of the worst consequences first, if you don't think you can handle it then it's not worth it.

There is a saying "Dont eat and **** at the same place"

Having sexual flings with a co-worker is a big "no" "no". There are many times when this happens and it always turns sour and very bad break ups.

Your wife has never rejected you when you initiated sex. So why not initiate more frequently. You and her should work this out. Seek professional help if needed but in many case, opening up and communicate on this issue would make things better.

You owe it to her to work things out before you let your other head do the thinking for you.

Several interesting points here.
One of which is how is he going to gain sexual skill with his wife as his only partner? Most likely, she has no greater skill than he does. There does come a point when 'hands on training' by a more highly skilled partner is required. No, watching porn will NOT improve his skills nor will messing about with equally unskilled or less skilled partners.

Next, while I agree in theory with Sera - talk with your wife - I do understand that this can be dangerous if not handled correctly. I also know that there's a lot of history, learned patterns of behavior, etc. there that needs untangling. If you stick with 'I feel' statements "I feel unloved... etc things might not be so fraught. Just avoid assigning blame to anyone.

I do disagree with Alexandra that you will end up with a frantic 10 minutes and an STD. No, that is not what happens. Yes, I would know. What will happen is a long and lingering 4 hours in a hotel room where you two will talk, cuddle, have sex (wearing condoms), cuddle, talk and have more sex. You will feel alive and rejuvenated. There will be laughter and commiseration. You two will explore and learn new things and your sexual skill, and your enjoyment in sex, will improve.

But you will not be able to immediately bring those new skills to your wife. You will have to bear all of the expenses - hotel, etc. You will have to find the necessary time. You will never be able to discuss your liason with anyone - ever. You run the risk of an emotional attachment. You also run the risk, in this case, of professional disaster.

Whatever you choose to do - good luck!

Evil--I don't disagree w/you. The killer statement for me is where he said there is a lack of sex in the marriage yet made no big deal of it, and more or less ignored it, you get what you are willing to accept. Apparently it is a big deal since a high charged individual is what's turning him on. Meanwhile, he never expressed this w/her and has become complacent, it's so vanilla for him yet there appears to be a lack of discussion about his true wants & desires. He has made no issue for 15 years, had gone with her game plan, and now this sudden change?

Before going elsewhere he should express to her what he wants as you suggest...not "you did this or that", rather then "I wish we had X or I feel X". If anything you have opened my eyes to individuals needs outside of a marriage and the reasons not to throw away a good marriage over an issue such as sex but he owes her some discussion. Maybe she is just as unhappy as well? Maybe she is playing, maybe she said years back she had no interest, etc. There are so many "ifs".

OK, I'm going to be judgemental. REALLY judgemental.

You remember when you got married? The vows you spoke.....
Cheating is an awful thing to do. It means a revokation of your commitment to honor and cherish your wife and forsake all others. Do you love your wife? If you do, you won't do this. Think long and hard about it. Talk to your wife, get counseling if need be to get her to see what your needs are, but don't turn to another woman. Your wife hasn't turned you down, so don't turn your back on her. It is perfectly possible to improve your sexual skills with your wife. There are books, you know..... If you can't make the relationship with your wife work, chances are your relationship with your coworker won't work either, and you will lose both the wife who loves you and your chances of promotion (or perhaps your job). You will also lose your happiness. Don't do this!

Did he ask for a string of moral and ethical things to do? Did he ask if he should cheat on his wife? I didn't notice. Its his decision, married 15 years he is obviously not young. The question was about handling a more experienced partner. To which the first answer is read this. Think about what you want, even from not getting sex very often its still been many years you must at least have some idea of what you like. And read some of the other stickies around here, they are very good.

FTR, I also agree that you should talk to your wife about sparking things up first. But its up to you.

I was once in this situation. I worked with this guy, who was hot as hell, we flirted for years and even started an (out of work) friendship. We were both in relationships, but the sexual tension was off the charts. While neither of us came right out and said it, I knew he felt the same way. And yes it was fun and exciting, but there came a time where I had to be honest with my self: There was no way, short of being a god on earth, that this guy was going to live up to my imagination. I had been thinking about it way too long, building him up in my mind, tweaking the fantasy, until it was perfect. I honestly think that one or both of you is headed for disappointment. I'm glad that I did not end up stepping out on my partner, but if I was ever going to, I wouldn't make the mistake of over thinking it.

I don't mean to be harsh, but I honestly think one or both of you are headed for disappointment.

In my opinion, if the OP stated merely he had been married for 15 years and had previous g/f's prior to his marriage the discussion of ethics/morals would not have factored into the responses. Through stating he is currently married & giving a detailed description of the lack of sex is what leads me to believe he is not fully convinced that all he is looking for is sexual advice & know how.

Sera dear of course he should discuss the no-sex issue with his wife. But, not knowing him or her I really cannot do more than just suggest it. It is a diffcult subject to breach.

I also think this is his first time outside of his marriage. When with a more experienced partner -relax and learn.

But a co-worker would not be my first choice.