No she does not have to give herself one first, it is possible for female to orgasm with out doing it themselves first, that being said how ever is a roll of the dice almost, you have to be lucky and hit everything and make it just right for her, its easier if she knows what gets her off and she can then tell you what to do.

Most women also have a very difficult time reaching orgasm from vaginal sex, have you tried cunnilingus (oral sex), as most women find this the only / easiest method for their partners to please them.

That being said, you cant force her to find out what she likes if she is unwilling to try it herself, you could suggest that she pleasures herself for you and see if she is more willing instead of doing it alone. But like its been said on many other posts you are no in charge of her orgasm, she is in charge of her own orgasm.

[QUOTE=NervousGuy;189766]No she does not have to give herself one first, it is possible for female to orgasm with out doing it themselves first, that being said how ever is a roll of the dice almost, you have to be lucky and hit everything and make it just right for her, its easier if she knows what gets her off and she can then tell you what to do. [/quote]
[COLOR="Red">
Bad advice.[/COLOR]

While it is true that women can orgasm without first masturbating, the likelihood is it will take many more years for her to become orgasmic.

I recommend that you inform her that she needs more information to add to what she already knows regarding Sex Ed. Information is power, and she needs to know more about her own physiology. Have her read this article and you do so also.

The Anatomy of the Female "O", Answered by Brandye & Dancingdoc2 & Inspired by Godiva

She should continue her enlightenment by clicking on and reading the link in that article.

[quote] Most women also have a very difficult time reaching orgasm from vaginal sex, have you tried cunnilingus (oral sex), as most women find this the only / easiest method for their partners to please them. [/quote]

Your suggestion is valid only after the woman makes the transmutation (change) from pre-orgasmic to an orgasmic being.

Another technique to use is for her partner to reach around and finger her while stroking/thrusting.

[quote]That being said, you cant force her to find out what she likes if she is unwilling to try it herself, you could suggest that she pleasures herself for you and see if she is more willing instead of doing it alone.[/quote]

This is a good suggestion for use later once she has learned how to masturbate reaching orgasms regularly and consistently; when she then wants her partner to know how to mimic her movements.

Learning to masturbate is best accomplished while alone and when she is relaxed and there is no fear of being disturbed. Again, click on the internal link in the post, above to learn how-to. Learning to have an orgasm requires a concerted effort over time for many women and this is why your idea, above, is not useful.

Your girlfriend absolutely must learn to masturbate, first, in order to connect the nerves in the skin with the pleasure center of the brain and to establish these connections. A woman must know what it takes to bring about an orgasm before she can expect her partner to help her have them. Guys pretty much learn matter-of-factly right out of puberty; girls learn much later in life, if at all.

[quote] But like its been said on many other posts you are not in charge of her orgasm, she is in charge of her own orgasm.[/QUOTE]

She must understand that we do not give orgasms away. All any of us can hope for is to help our partner achieve his/her own and then by learning their technique, or in the case of oral, responding to the feedback she gives on how she is responding to your caresses.

[quote=A_bit_new]She says she doesnt want to finger herself and she definately doesnt want a dildo. What can i do here?[/quote]

Help her to understand why she needs more information. From your description it sounds like she is very immature and naive. She may just need time to grow up and acquire more insight over time. If true, you'll just have to accept things as they are or move on.

Here is a partial quote from Brandye, our resident M.D.: "We do know that the earlier a woman begins to masturbate, the more satisfactory her sex life will be later."

Here are some additional tips for the two of you:

How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?

Female Sexual Response

--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics

Your g/f may or mot be immature. She is naive.

Some facts: 1. One-quarter of all women never achieve orgasm.
2. There is a documented relationship between age of starting to masturbate and sexual satisfaction later in life - the earlier, the better.
3. Orgams is not the automatic response in women that it is in men; we need to learn how the reach orgasm. Nature does not care whether or not we reach climax because we get just as pregnant whether or not. Male orgasm is required.
4. The successful we are at reaching orgasm, the more likely we are to have success in future. The converse is also true - failure begets failure.
5. The woman has her orgasm; the man, his. We are each interested in our own satisfaction.

These facts lead to the conclusion that there is not much you can do. We women make our decisions and if we decide some behaviour (masturbation) is not right for us, then we will not. When, and if, your g/f chooses to do something about this, she will. It is never too late - I have had one patient who experienced her first orgasm at 54; I have known several women who have had their first orgasm after being mothers for a few year. I would not describe these as common, but they are not unknown.

This is a decision she has to make with follow up action if indicated. Doc is quite right that the best training for achieving orgasm is masturbation - learn what causes it and what she is looking for.

[QUOTE=Brandye;189797] 1. One-quarter of all women never achieve orgasm.
[/QUOTE]

One-quarter?!? For real? Where did you find that out?

Howdy!

> > Hey dancingdoc dont go calling my girlfriend immature or naive... She just doesnt like the idea of masturbating on any level, its the way she is.. theres no changing how she feels about it no matter what article she reads.

Thank you for taking me to task. In using the term "immature", I did not mean that her behavior is, only the present state of her development. The change from childhood to adulthood, the teen years, is a decade long process. So, even though both of you have gone through puberty and can parent a child, Mother Nature plays a trick on us by giving us this ability early in life and long before rounding out and completing our character through the maturation of our mind, both from education and life experiences.

Speaking of the mind, the brain is not fully developed until we reach twenty one when the Frontal Cortex has completely formed. It is this area of the brain that in part gives us the ability to foresee the consequences of our actions. It is not uncommon to witness some young adults in their twenties who have acquired a lot of knowledge about life, science, and the world around them, yet still acting and behaving immaturely or irresponsibly. One example is the fella who marries young, fathers a child, then decides to ignore wife and child in favor of hanging out and playing with his friends all day, rather than spending time with family and helping out around the house, in addition to scheduling "me time" or time with friends.

> ...learn what causes it {a climax) and what she is looking for.

Whether or not she changes her mind about learning to achieve and enjoy orgasms, I believe both of you will benefit from reading the information in my opening reply. The benefit to you is in learning more about the female of the species and how they live and function, information that will come in handy now or later be it with your girlfriend or someone else in the future. If she reads and and acquires knowledge yet maintains her position on the matter, then I agree, there is nothing more you can do, although, she is wiser for having done the research. If she refuses to broaden her scope of knowledge, then I stand by my original observation.

Please read around the forum.

First, sex begins in the brain - and if she's not going to masturbate even when alone - she has issues with sex. Sorry, but there it is. Most likely she is stopping herself from having orgasms.

She should try a clitoral stimulator which is small, battery-powered with a flat head with a few small bumps on its top. A touch of luibe on the top and there she goes.

Her refusal to masturbate also indicates an unwillingness to explore and a lack of acceptance of her sexuality. Once again, stopping herself from having orgasms.

What you can do to help: body worship her until she's screaming for penetration and go right for her posterior fornix while whispering to her that she's gorgeous, erotic, fascinating and so, so beautiful. The idea is to overwhelm her senses enough to break through her mental barriers and SHOW her what sex should and can be. If you don't know where that is, read around the forum and study up on female anatomy.

Another thing you can do is to not argue and follow the advice given.

> She is still wondering about an orgasm

And I still want to help the two of you. Please tell us what she is wondering about.

> was fingering her the other night and i guess it got really good cause it was the first time i heard her moan and she was grabbing for the wall

Now this is what I call real progress.... Give her some "ata girls".

> it got really good cause it was the first time i heard her moan and she was grabbing for the wall

Maybe you have thought about his, although, on the off chance that you have not, the next time she begins to reach for the wall--place your body between her hand and that wall and let her grab some part of you!

It is nice to hear that things are improving. Hang in there, explore and learn together. At the same time, encourage her to continue to explore the path to orgasms, solo by learning to masturbate.

She's ALMOST there, yes!