Howdy! Welcome to our community. I hope you will enjoy participating.

[QUOTE=desperada;266191][COLOR="blue">Hi..

I'm new to this forum, but I have spend quite a few hours just reading up on posts. I have not yet been able to find the answer to my problem, though.

I'm sure it's all been talked about before and I am very sorry if it annoys the members who come on this forum on a regular basis, to see yet another post on this subject, but you are my last hope.[/COLOR]

Have you familiarized yourself with the Index and the many articles listed in it? These articles were written in order to provide complete answers to the most common questions and concerns people ask about and not clog the forums each time someone brings up one of these topics, again. I suggest that you read each of the articles and add the information learned to what you already know.

[COLOR="blue">My boyfriend is an experienced lover, he has had his share of girlfriends who all have had their share of boyfriends before going out with him. I, on the other hand, only have had him as a sexual partner.

Before recently, I was a virgin. He is my first and I truly believe he is the one for me. The sex is absolutely dreadful, though... and I am scared that I will lose him because of it. [/COLOR]

Please read this with your boyfriend:

HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:

Next: If you are new & have no experience (Pt. 2 of HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED!:
If you are a guy who happens to be shy or uncertain about making the first move, know that this is OK. My suggestion is:
(Part 2 of Chapter 5)

Oh, bummer, yet really this is quite understandable when you think about it in relation to learning anything new--like riding a bicycle, as one example. When learning, did you sit upon it and peddle down the street without wobbling and perhaps falling a few times? Same for sex.

Relationships are partnerships and this includes the romantic and sexual aspects of one. Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other, together. Explore and learn together.
[COLOR="blue">
I can't please him and he refuses to try any positions until I control the basics, which I clearly don't. [/COLOR]

Please clarify what you mean by controlling the basics. What does he want you to gain control of? **

[COLOR="blue">I asked him to please help me, to tell me what to do, how he likes it and to guide me through it. Of course I don't want it to turn into a driver's licence test every time we have sex, but if he won't help me with at least a few hints, I'll never know what it is I do wrong or what to do to make things better.[/COLOR]

It may be that he simply does not knows how to do what you ask. Yet unless he understands that he has to work with you and not take a defensive posture he is going to be his own worst enemy.

[COLOR="blue">** After begging for ages for him to open up to me, he finally told me that the main problem lies in the way I ride him when I'm on top of him. Until I learn to control that, he won't try any other positions with me because he strongly believes that it would be a wasted effort. [/COLOR]

OK, asked and answered, unless there is more. Thank you. Have you looked at the site's Home Page and the illustrated, animated, sexual positions? These illustrations is a great place to begin looking for how-to information.

I am not sure if your boyfriend is arrogant, selfish, scared, or what, however, his reluctance to work with you is definitely not positive or self serving. I recommend that you invite him to read your letter to us and the responses that follow this one. I also recommend that he put pride aside and read all of the articles in the Index with you or separately, and then discuss what you have learned. For him, as with you, above, adding the information to what he already knows. Knowledge is empowering.

[COLOR="blue">I don't know what to do, I don't know how to please him and he won't tell me how to either.[/COLOR]

Unless and until he is ready to open up, share any fears he has, and work with you in partnership, there is not much hope for your relationship.

[COLOR="blue">Can somebody PLEASE tell me how to be a decent lover?
What do I do when I'm on top of him? How do I move?
How can I tell if he truly enjoys it or not?[/COLOR]

* By exploring and working together in partnership.

** A lot depends upon how you position yourself when on top. Instead of trying to move vertically, try sliding "up and down" horizontally along his torso. Look at the variations to the Woman Superior/Cowgirl illustrations.

*** Because he tells you so, verbally and/or non-verbally. By monitoring his physical responses such as breathing hard, curling his toes, stiffening his torso, perspiring, moaning and groaning, by climaxing, for starters.

[COLOR="blue">Right now I just feel like a blow-up doll.. an object with a hole in it and... to quote him "I'm a bloke, it doesn't take much to make me cum". [/COLOR]

[COLOR="blue">So basically, he gets off, but doesn't enjoy the ride before he gets 'there'

Help me, please[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Well, his attitude could be one of arrogance; however, I much prefer to think it is his lack of information and knowledge in the differences between the genders. If he is unwilling to work with you, if he is unwilling to improve his own knowledge, if he is unwilling to learn what it takes to become a skilled, caring, lover, then you have a decision to make regarding your relationship.

Each of us, male and female, understand the basic mechanics of stimulating a penis and clitoris; however, from the day each of us learned how to masturbate, each of us has a technique that is a variation to that method that is unique and specific to each of us. So, while you may know what is involved in stroking the shaft of a penis, there is much to learn about what I call the Fine Art of the process. Nothing is completely intuitive, and I think he thinks it is.

What you might want to do is to take his fingers and move them as you would your own in order to demonstrate how best to stimulate your clitoris. If he cooperates, do this until he grasps the concept. In addition, give him feedback, verbally and/or non-verbally on how you are responding and for what you need now/next.

If he embraces this show and tell, then you can ask him to reciprocate by taking your hand and moving it as he would his own, including the subtleties of stroking that he may think you should just know about.

We are ready and willing to work with you, together or separately. I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

He may have sexual "experience" but he is definitely not an accomplished lover. This is much more his problem than it is yours and you are allowing him to make you feel inferior. If he knew what he was doing with sex, he would lead you right through it and you would both be pleased. His hang up on your riding him is indicative of his insecurity in taking the male on top position. It may be in his statement "... it doesn't take much to make me come." He knows he will last about two thrusts on top. No big deal, he should be ready for a second go in a few minutes .... but his poor ego!

To deal with your immediate problem, there are more women asking for help in how to be on top than any other position. Addressing that, alone: Sit astride him on your knees and lean forward with your hands on his shoulders or the bed or little pillow or whatever. Do NOT bounce up and down; none of us can do that although it seems that most of us try. Rock back and forth drawing up a bit as you go forward and pressing him further into you as you rock back. Whilst pressed against him, grind a bit to bring friction to where you want it.

Given that he has given you an ultimatum, you return the favor and tell him that he shall be on top until you experience the moves he makes. Let me guess: You know he is an inexperienced lover because he told you so. Everyone lies about sex and you are certainly being lied to. Time to have a good long talk about this in a safe place whilst you each have your pants on. YOU tell HIM what you want. If that ends the relationship, good for you. Then you can find someone who is more caring and interested in your feelings than this jerk is.

Dump him now you will have a miserable life with him .he thinks of his own pleasures not interestedin yours sofind some one else in a few weeks with some one that loves you you will know he was not for you

Perhaps this will come to pass and be the end result; however, your recommendation is premature IMHO. Let's give the OP some tools with which to work on her relationship--and to give to her boyfriend.

If her boyfriend is typical and not really a bad guy, just acting poorly because he is doing the best with what he knows, then I believe he deserves the benefit of the doubt. If after he is offered the tools he balks, only then should the OP consider moving on as Brandye and I have suggested might be necessary if his lack of insight and concern ends the relationship.

Dermot your advice is incredibly premature.

She believe he's the one, she is a virgin, he probably is not much more experienced. Its a typical scenario. Brandye is right in saying he definitely is not an accomplished lover. A proper lover would work with their partner. Yes some girls are utterly terrible when it comes to rythm but guess what. All that changes when you have a good partner to not only work with you, but to encourage you by through positive feedback (I.e. oh baby that's it or o wow that's amazing)

OP your boyfriend definitely needs to read around this site. Probably more than you do. If he really understood sex as well as you think he does, then he would realize that the way one position works is not dependent on others. Since when does doggy style equate to male superior? Or female superior equal to standing? I have had phenomenal experiences with doggy style, but that same partner was uncoordinated on top. I have also had girls who add a little something extra to male superior yet couldn't grasp the idea of standing sex.

I am a firm believer that a truly great love can not only make their partner comfortable in bed, but that they are only as great as the one they are with. I mean if a man is told. He is great by all the woman he has slept with, but he thinks they are all "garbage" then either he is a terrible lay and his partners are afraid to hurt him OR he hasn't matured enough to really truly please a womans mind and soul (he is just good at the physical)

With any luck the boyfriend will understand that we can never know too much. If his ego and belief that what he presently knows about womanhood, love, and sex, is sufficient, by the very nature of your post and this thread--it is not.

Any man worth his salt will know that knowledge and information are well worth acquiring, whatever the subject. This is the major reason this site exists and why so many men and women all around the world contribute. If your boyfriend does not see the value in this, then most likely the relationship will end. If he does not want to explore and learn together with you in partnership, then most likely the relationship will end. If he is so arrogant that he must dictate what you must accomplish before moving on and trying new things, then the relationship will end. It is one thing to do the best we can with what we know, and, quite another to know more and become better.

There is enough information, tips, and techniques, within the articles listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen to keep the both of you busy exploring and learning for many months--and in so doing becoming better and enjoying what you are doing more. Encourage your man to accept the challenge. If he is worthy, he will.

Thank you for the additional information.

Please remind (inform) him that making love is a partnership. It is not what one person does to the other; rather, what we do with and for each other.

Encourage him to join you in learning more, developing better skills, and understanding the differences between males and females when it comes to how each becomes aroused. He was right when he said that he can cum in a matter of minutes; however, does he know that it takes half an hour or so to properly build a woman's level of arousal? Does he understand that a woman's orgasm is more problematic and requires a concerted and conscious effort, not required of him?

Does he know and understand the value and need for spending lots of time fooling around and making out? Necking? Petting? Heavy Petting, all before ever getting to the Foreplay stage? If he does not know what each step consists of, he needs to learn for both your sakes.

What we (speaking for the other responders) need to know now is whether your boyfriend is willing to man up and learn more in order to become a truly world class lover?

-doc

If he can't be understanding of the fact that this is all new to you, then he isn't the one for you. He needs to start from the ground up with you, it's only fair to you.

Doc put it perfectly.

He obviously is not that good if he cannot "work with you" in bed. Just because he is a great lay to someone who knows that they're doing, doesn't mean he is good. To me sex is the one thing that breaks the motto "those who can't do, teach". If a man is good in bed then he is perfectly capable of teaching his partner (if they're willing...whcih is quite clear in your case)

And he is immature. Yes sex is something that shouldn't be "hand holding walkthroughs", but at the same time a man who wants his girlfriend to get better in bed needs to at least work with her. He needs to grow up and realize that its not your fault about not knowing how to "please him" its his. Sex is a two person event sometimes 3 or more ;)

I know that this unfortunate young woman says she believes that this guy is "the one" ( why I can't figure but it's her feelings and her life ), but I think in this case, she needs to flex some authority and show some confidence-even if she has to fake the confidence until she actually acquires it. Meaning, the next time he approaches her for sex, she needs to say, " I'm not in the mood to be put down like some diseased dog, however I do want to pleasure myself instead", I don't realy need much to get off". Or, "Instead of having sex, why don't you perform X,Y,Z for me for a change, I'm tired of doing all of the trying and not getting any results or feedback". Also, she should start criticing everything he does and report only the negative results and keep all of the positive results to herself and if he asks, tell him he's so experienced he shouldn't have to ask, after all he's a master at sexual performace and pleasing women. maybe if he gets a taste of his own medicine, he'll have better perspective.

[QUOTE=Ducy;266240]Doc put it perfectly.

He obviously is not that good if he cannot "work with you" in bed. Just because he is a great lay to someone who knows that they're doing, doesn't mean he is good. To me sex is the one thing that breaks the motto "those who can't do, teach". If a man is good in bed then he is perfectly capable of teaching his partner (if they're willing...whcih is quite clear in your case)

And he is immature. Yes sex is something that shouldn't be "hand holding walkthroughs", but at the same time a man who wants his girlfriend to get better in bed needs to at least work with her. He needs to grow up and realize that its not your fault about not knowing how to "please him" its his. Sex is a two person event sometimes 3 or more ;)[/QUOTE]

Wow, you phrased it absolutely perfectly. It also sounds like he's pressuring you too much. I think that being a good lover comes from not just practice, but experience (and I don't mean "experience" as having multiple partners say you're good, like your guy is doing. I mean, having experience trying out and learning new things)... he can't just tell you do do something and have you do it perfectly the first time. It's just not fair.

And, he has to stop thinking so highly of himself. Maybe I'm wrong and he's not actually behaving that way, but that's the overall feeling I get. That he's proud of himself for being such a good lover and he can't understand why you can't get up to the standard, even though you are NEW... he's got to understand that. If he is as good as he claims to be, then he shouldn't have a problem helping you through this at all. ESPECIALLY if he has led you to think that you are "terrible". You just haven't learned it, and he hasn't given you the proper chance.

Sorry if I phrase things awkwardly, I'm not very good at expressing ideas :)

I believe it was a chinese proverb but it is completely true.

A great lover is not a man who can woo a new lady every night, but a man who can woo the same lady every night for a lifetime.

My friends tease me because I. Have had 8 partners. They are supposedly in the 20 to 30's. I just laugh because they have had sex for a total of maybe 40 times.

I on the other hand have had more sex with 1 partner than they have had with all their "hook ups". And its not like I'm calling them saying hey babe let's get together. Its them calling me, or saying just 1 more time before you leave lol. Obviously I have some talent.

EXCUSE ME - the advice to dump him like a hot rock is NOT premature but is spot on and CORRECT.
This man is arrogant and he needs to be dumped to get through to him.

If he cannot say "a little to the left" then why bother with him esp since "he's experienced". BAH!

Desperado - the other ladies may be lying to you, hun because they're so damn glad he's not with them any more. A dirty trick, yes, but it has been known to happen.

Now then - what makes a woman good in bed? - A good man in bed.
PARTNERSHIP is the key in all sexual encouters. You both have to cooperate and participate and should your fat-headed male NOT get this then drop him. Kick him out and go find yourself someone who thinks with the head above his shoulders.

EEK your silly!

Obviously this man is a genius in bed! He knows that if you can't move properly in femal superior than positions like male superior, standing, and doggystyle is useless

......

:p

sex is more than just what direction you're moving and grinding against his penis during intercourse. Where are your hands during sex? Where are his hands? Are you laying down towards him so you can kiss him? Try sitting back to give him a full show, or if you're ok with it, touching yourself during to increase your own arousal which will make him aroused too. If your stamina isn't in tip top shape, being on top can be a little bit tiring also, you should tell him if it is.

All of this said... if he is completely adamant that you have to ride him and make him orgasm before he'll go any other way with you, then the others are right. You should set your own boundaries and let him know "your a hot girl, ready to love him and learn, so we're gonna try doing this different or you're ready to move on to someone who will help you learn"

Men have enourmous egos many would thing it grand to have a positive willing lover who they could love and teach.

[color=green]What an asshole!!.....trying new positions actually let's you know what you're good at and what you need improvement on

smh.....talk about selfish[/color]

i agree with EEK and others he is a jerk. i don't care what your skills or experience are he is making you feel inferior in bed and that is not acceptable. and unless i missed something he doesn't even do anything to get you to orgasm. he is selfish in bed. he needs to change or you get somebody better and more understanding.

She may very well think that "her first" is "the one" but the facts are - no, not normally. Sorry but facts are facts. Besides which, this idiot male has proven himself to be "unworthy".