I feel like I want to start having sex with my boyfriend, but I'm scared that it's going to hurt real bad, or that there's going to be lots of blood (which in turn leads to me worrying about my mum finding out, I dont like anyone knowing anything like that - it's strictly kept between me and my boyfriend). I know he'll wait, we've already spoke about it, but we've "explored" eachother sexually, and whenever we are doing stuff like that, it drives me to the edge of losing my virginity, but there's always the paranoia of the pain behind it.
I keep telling myself to get over the worry, but I cant.
Maybe I should let him finger me or something else first, to make me feel more comfortable?
This is my first "sexual" relationship, so I'm really new to all of this. My previous boyfriends didn't really do it for me.
And, I probably sound dead young now I've mentioned my mum, but I'm 18. I'm in college, so I'm still living with my mum :rolleyes:
I really need help with this, though. I'm scared that one day I'll just tell him I want sex and I wont relax.
50% of all women become sexually active between their 18th and 20 th birthdays. You seem to be right on schedule.
More than half od all women find their first intercourse to have very little or no pain. Assuming normal life activity and use of tampons, your hymen is likely mostly gone. Even among those women who do have some blood the first time, a panti-liner is more than adequate. Your hesitancy and fear is quite common the first time.
All this is meant to be reassuring but the only thing that will allay your fears is actually having it happen. There is so much you can be doing to relax yourself. Your mutual exploration is helpful. Have you examined what happens with his penis when he approaches and reaches ejaculation? Have you approached or reached orgasm as a result of his ministrations? These are learning experiences. Each of you should be reading up on what is going on, sharing your insights, and allowing demonstration. Masturbate together; get comfortable oanother. Have a comforatble relaxing setting for your first time.
Only you will know when your are ready. A major part of this readiness is protection!!!!
Thanks :D I know that stressing out will just make it alot worse, so I'll remember to just relax, and when it happens, it'll happen :)
You've made me feel better about it, so thanks alot :D
remember if you think your not ready then dont do it and there should be very little pain if done correctly
From your message, it sounds like your boyfriend is an understanding person. Maybe you should tell him about your fears. If he is considerate, then he will take that into account.
You mentioned fingering. That is part of foreplay, which is an important part of the whole proceedings. By all means you can let him do that, but only if you feel comfortable with it. I think it is important to let him know how you feel about things at the time, and don't be afraid to tell him if you don't like something that he does.
When the desire overwhelms the fear - you'll be ready.
If you're nervous, you're body will tense up and make sex more painful. So, don't do it until you feel completely ready and want it. My first time was not painful at all - it actually felt really good - and I was 15. So, it does not hurt for all girls.
One other thing I wanted to mention is that you can stretch yourself out prior to sex. Just finger yourself (or have your bf do this), and slowly insert as many fingers as are comfortable. You can also use objects (a thin shampoo bottle or a cucumber covered with a condom will do) or a dildo. Not only will it stretch you out, but you'll also have the peace of mind of knowing that you are capable of accepting an object the size of a penis.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;160675]When the desire overwhelms the fear - you'll be ready.[/QUOTE]
Good point!