[quote=neko] im having problem with my friend because she still doesnt want to have sex with me although she is giving me oral sex and i also give her oral but still she's not yet comfortable to have sex with me..
so my question is how do i make a girl comfortable enough to have sex with me? [/quote]
Your question while simple enough has a much more complex answer than do "this" and she'll want to have intercourse.
First of all, you should be asking her. It is her body, her life.
* If she is a virgin, does she want to remain chaste until marriage?
* Until she is much older?
Whether yes or no:
* Until your relationship is more mature?
* Until she finds the right guy?
* Until she is more comfortable with you, the relationship, and has developed trust and confidence in you?
* Until she is emotionally mature enough to handle any inhibitions and this new found level of intimacy?
* Other?
I understand the drive and the desire to have intercourse, particularly the first time ever--or, just the first time with this person, however, it is important to know and understand that the act of intercourse is much different for women than for men. This is particularly so for young guys out on a date than for guys who have fallen in love and are planning for the long haul. For the guy out on a date it generally has more to do with getting his rocks off, first and foremost. For women anytime, it has more to do with the emotional aspect of the relationship and validating this. It is only later that guys learn that intercourse is more about the emotions and the psyche than the physical. The act is the outward expression of the love a couple has for each other.
[quote=Brandye] If you do not really care for her, forget it. The pain of being used for some guy to get his rocks off with no feeling is greater than the physical pain involved. [/quote]
I'm not saying intercourse isn't or cannot be all about feeling good for both, only that you have to know what the primary reason is each time. Brandye, our resident doctor, has stated often that an orgasm is not a necessary part of nature for the female of the species as it is for the male, therefore, she is free to enjoy them for the shear pleasure of them. That said, you need to find out from your girlfriend why she is not yet ready. In addition to the reasons given, above, is the very real fear of pregnancy and other issues that are of concern to her that might impact her health and wellbeing.
As for guys, please consider that as wonderful as intercourse can be, because it has more to do with satisfying the psyche, oral stimulation and a hand job to orgasm are usually much more physically pleasurable with sensations that are vastly more intense. So, while you may be curious about the act itself, climaxing via intercourse usually does not deliver the intense physical pleasure foreplay activities do. While you wait, please keep this in mind.
[quote] I'm just thinking that if i ejaculate inside her anus would it be okay? [/quote]
As for anal sex: you are very naive if you think she or any woman will want this the first time as a substitute for intercourse. Even if true, anal penetration is much more complex than vaginal penetration. This article is also an excellent tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal stimulation as well as play.
[URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing_him/19950-playing_ball_how_tips..."]"Playing Ball" and How To Tips for Prostate Massage
Forget about anal penetration so early into a relationship. In addition to the physical difficulties with the act, there are the mental aspects to consider, also.
It is better to forgo anal penetration whether or not you will be contending with the presence of a hymen. Do you know what the state of this is? If she is a virgin, do you know how best to have first intercourse?
[URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/sexual_health_women/11675-am_i_ready_sex..."]Am I Ready For Sex?
[URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/20351-birth_control_failure_rate..."]Birth Control Failure Rates
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing-her/24562-first-timer-need-help...
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new-sex/24483-best-position.html
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new-sex/24344-best-way-first-time.html
I recommend that you pull back and do not push her, rather, learn from her and then learn more about the entire process of developing a relationship and making out. Please begin by reading the various articles listed in [URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/index_sexinfo101_board_topics/22777---be..."]the Index.
[quote=KMB]I feel so happy, last night me and my boyfriend did petting over clothes. He said he wanted to have sex with me really bad. We almost did but didn't, maybe some other time when we are prepared and protected.
It felt so good to be so close to someone I love a lot. I can't wait it's soo hard I don't want to have a kid now, but I just might do it with birth control.[/quote]
If and when this time comes for anyone, please make sure that you both use a contraceptive. Look out for and protect #1--you. Do not rely upon just one form of contraception.
* Use the pill or patch along with a condom
* If using only a condom, then increase the level of protection by also using a vaginal spermicide.
Teenagers are more apt to become pregnant than at any other time of life.
Part II--
What follows are copies from an existing and more recent thread that continues the discussion:
[quote=The Perfect 69] [COLOR="Navy">Hello. I joined this sex education web-site to try to help a problem me and girlfriend are having.
We have been going out for 5 years this October. We are both absolute virgins. She has never even seen a guy naked before. I have seen a few women only in pictures. Over the long haul over these 5 years I have been struggling get somewhere with this girl by trying everything there is to try known to man. When we first started going out I tried to get strait sex from her for a while. She absolutely refused my attempts. I had endless talks with her about us both being clean from disease and there are many forms of birth control we could use. First I offered her the ability to buy birth control pills. I had the ability to buy them without embarrassment. Next I spent a while talking about condoms. I finally decided after about a year an a half that strait sex was out of the question. Next I opened her mind up to anal. I insisted to her that doing anal was not nearly as severe on virginity as sex. She insisted that her ass was also a virgin. I even spent time doing research and showing her facts and information about how some believe that the ass doesn't count. It depends on who you ask. Truthfully the ass doesn't pop the cherry and therefore technically it is not sex. She was not for it. I did know at the time that oral has nothing to do with virginity. So I tried for at least two years to talk her into oral of any kind. She said that sucking me off or me sucking her off was against being a 100% virgin. I took her to this website to try to show her that things like the 69 were possible for virgins to have a good time. I said “people who do that, and are virgins, are virgins that have fun.” She refused. I asked next about sucking her breasts or ass as a compromise. She refused to even do that. I should have mentioned earlier that when we are both horny we go into different rooms in the house or wherever, and jack off. As my final effort I asked if we could watch each other jack off to make it better. She still refused to be seen naked or see me naked. I am at a total loss. It has been 5 solid years of dating and we don't even have more that a few good French kisses. I wonder sometimes if I should drop this girl and move on but I love her and she loves me. The real problem is we are no way near ready to get married and I want something at least to do other than jack off by myself. Is there any advice anyone has for me about what to do with this? [/COLOR][/quote]
[quote=gorgeous_mistake] Why does she want to remain a 100% virgin?? Does she want to wait on marriage, based on what, religious values, parents, or just plain scared? [/quote]
[quote][COLOR="Navy">She has never been very clear on why. She does say that the perfect person waits till their married. She also talks about her virginity being very important to her. She grew up in a tight family where her parents both waited until they were married to do it. Her sister is the same as her.[/COLOR] [/quote]
[quote=EvilEvilKitten] OMG - do not just drop her and move on - drop kick her and move on.
Why? Because she's putting "perfection" above your relationship. NOTHING IS EVER PERFECT and NO ONE IS EVER PERFECT. She is in for a very rude awakening.
And you have been a total wuss to let her get away with this. Apparently the only thing you haven't done is what you should have done - walk away and stay away. Women want men, not little toy lap dogs staying nicely to heel. Stop being her dog.
Your life, even if you did marry her, will be one long, long life of being denied because she's gotten so good at saying no and making you toe her line.
Walk away and go find someone who is NOT a virgin. [/quote]
[quote=sera300] So you wasted 5 years trying while making your desires clear? Hypothetically, for arguments sake you wait until you are married. Then she decides she does not like it or care for making love, then what? A sexless marriage? FYI: Some parents lie to their kids about their sexual endeavors since they feel they are imposing a "correct" image and really they are inhibiting a woman's sexuality to the point of being harmful. After 5 years, unless she is 7 years old does not "fly". She is better off suited with those men who believe in chastity. I would not continue this relationship since she is ignoring your wishes/wants/needs to protect something which holds no real value of a persons ethics, morals, or integrity. Virginity does not make a woman, its what is within her heart. If she is this set against sex or "looking" out of curiosity, I have to tell you there are some significant underlying issues. Sexuality is part of life, yes some choose to wait until marriage; however, she is pushing you for this or just cherishes upholding a very unappealing trait. [/quote]
The handwriting is on the wall, or more accurately: she has painted a pretty good picture.
I agree with Sera. If she was interested in fooling around (necking, petting, and/or heavy petting) and limiting your sexual releases to foreplay then I'd recommend sticking it out until married. In this situation where she is not only a virgin after all these years but a person who shuns all romantically related advances, I believe has a problem, especially if she is not willing to talk about or discuss what is going on with her.
Wanting to wait to have intercourse and to make love as Part II of the wedding ceremony is a good thing. What worries us is that she does not want to make out and outwardly express and demonstrate the love she professes to share with you. It is this reservation that is troublesome and signals possible danger; this is the reason we suggest finding someone else. Back in the day when it was more usual than not to wait until the honeymoon to have intercourse, it was not unusual for couples in love to make out to some extent--up to the point of taking your clothes off or perhaps going further and stopping at foreplay. Couples "spooned" on the front porch swing, climbed up to the hayloft in the barn, went looking for "needles in a haystack" out behind the barn and finding other things of interest, took buggy rides--and decades later, found another use for the automobile, taking it to Inspiration Point overlooking the town. Let's not forget paying to go see a movie at the drive-in and not being able to remember much of the plot when queried the next day.
Time to move on.
SHE wants to wait till you are married before having sex ? Selfish I'd say. Plus, what if the sex you have after marriage is bad ? Now you are stuck! Five years is toooooo long. Time to move on.
She makes her choice; he makes his. Would not be my choice but each souple is different.
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;209981]Your question while simple enough has a much more complex answer than do "this" and she'll want to have intercourse.
First of all, you should be asking her. It is her body, her life.
* If she is a virgin, does she want to remain chaste until marriage?
* Until she is much older?
Whether yes or no:
* Until your relationship is more mature?
* Until she finds the right guy?
* Until she is more comfortable with you, the relationship, and has developed trust and confidence in you?
* Until she is emotionally mature enough to handle any inhibitions and this new found level of intimacy?
* Other?
I understand the drive and the desire to have intercourse, particularly the first time ever--or, just the first time with this person, however, it is important to know and understand that the act of intercourse is much different for women than for men. This is particularly so for young guys out on a date than for guys who have fallen in love and are planning for the long haul. For the guy out on a date it generally has more to do with getting his rocks off, first and foremost. For women anytime, it has more to do with the emotional aspect of the relationship and validating this. It is only later that guys learn that intercourse is more about the emotions and the psyche than the physical. The act is the outward expression of the love a couple has for each other.
I'm not saying intercourse isn't or cannot be all about feeling good for both, only that you have to know what the primary reason is each time. Brandye, our resident doctor, has stated often that an orgasm is not a necessary part of nature for the female of the species as it is for the male, therefore, she is free to enjoy them for the shear pleasure of them. That said, you need to find out from your girlfriend why she is not yet ready. In addition to the reasons given, above, is the very real fear of pregnancy and other issues that are of concern to her that might impact her health and wellbeing.
As for guys, please consider that as wonderful as intercourse can be, because it has more to do with satisfying the psyche, oral stimulation and a hand job to orgasm are usually much more physically pleasurable with sensations that are vastly more intense. So, while you may be curious about the act itself, climaxing via intercourse usually does not deliver the intense physical pleasure foreplay activities do. While you wait, please keep this in mind.
As for anal sex: you are very naive if you think she or any woman will want this the first time as a substitute for intercourse. Even if true, anal penetration is much more complex than vaginal penetration. This article is also an excellent tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal stimulation as well as play.
"Playing Ball" and How To Tips for Prostate Massage
Forget about anal penetration so early into a relationship. In addition to the physical difficulties with the act, there are the mental aspects to consider, also.
It is better to forgo anal penetration whether or not you will be contending with the presence of a hymen. Do you know what the state of this is? If she is a virgin, do you know how best to have first intercourse?
Am I Ready For Sex?
Birth Control Failure Rates
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing-her/24562-first-timer-need-help...
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new-sex/24483-best-position.html
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new-sex/24344-best-way-first-time.html
I recommend that you pull back and do not push her, rather, learn from her and then learn more about the entire process of developing a relationship and making out. Please begin by reading the various articles listed in the Index.
If and when this time comes for anyone, please make sure that you both use a contraceptive. Look out for and protect #1--you. Do not rely upon just one form of contraception.
* Use the pill or patch along with a condom
* If using only a condom, then increase the level of protection by also using a vaginal spermicide.
Teenagers are more apt to become pregnant than at any other time of life.[/QUOTE]
The first thing you and your partner should do is talk to each other - not once but several times. Discuss your sexual history. Talk about your desires and expectations for yourself and your relationship. You might want to talk to your parents or a trusted adult so you can be really clear about your decision and how it might affect you. This includes knowing the possible consequences of sex—pregnancy and disease—and feeling really ready to deal with them.
=========================================================
SuperBabyGuide
rmichelle
well i suggest takin a bit ov more time n not pushin her too much .
am shure it will come tae sex soon :)
Best Of Luck Mate .
Am I ready? I am a virgin and I plan to lose my virginity with my boyfriend next week. But I don't know if I'm ready!help!!
If you have to ask the question then you are not ready.
If you still have doubts after reading the entire thread, then you are not ready.
[INDENT][/INDENT]
Hey i'm new to the site. I'm 16, and i feel that im ready to have sex. only im scard of pain, and he ppossibility of getting pregnant. how will i know whe i'm really ready?
From your question it sounds like you just posted your questions without ever having read the opening articles that discuss your concern in detail.
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about--like yours, of which this thread is part. Please go back to the beginning and read all of the posts on this thread. After reading please do not hesitate to ask questions.
Read the Sticky: Am I Ready. That covers physical, psychological and social issues. The short answer is when you know exactly what to do as you you look your mum in the eye and say, "Mum, I am pregnant."
And when you have the maturity that being a day late does not drive you around the bend.
Just cause you want to doesnt mean you need to
hi i am 27 year old i am not feel sexy what can i do i fee hot sexy
Until you know how you will deal with the possible consequences, you are not ready.
I don't think I am ready but I know I want to with my bf. I am definitely not ready for consequences like pregnancy if that were to happen.
[QUOTE=Oh!Henry!;247567]Hey i'm new to the site. I'm 16, and i feel that im ready to have sex. only im scard of pain, and he ppossibility of getting pregnant. how will i know whe i'm really ready?[/QUOTE]
You "feel" you are ready? What doe's it feel like to be ready? The first time I had sex I was not ready, yet I thought I was ready. I was with a girl 7 years older than me and my penis was so hard it hurt and when she felt that she ripped my pants off and licked my penis until it was really wet then slid it inside her. I surely didn't know what I was doing and she just drove the situation. I must have shot a load in about 2 minutes and immediately was hard again and she just didn't stop until she screamed... I freaking thought I was killing her or something. then she went down on me until I shot a load in her mouth. I left soon after that and felt dirty. I was young, dumb, and full of cum - But I WAS NOT ready at all. Think about that before you do something stupid like I did.
[QUOTE=raunchy gal;264040]Oh,wow!!16 and 15 hmm,it seems to me that you need to wait a while longer.You need to really be sure that you definitely are ready for sex before you do it.[/QUOTE]
RG, their hormones will tell them they are ready sending their brains a false sense of what is fact. I agree, now is not the time nor the age because both of you need more time for physical maturity, emotional maturity, as well as intellectual maturity. The teen years are a decade long and it takes this amount of time to fully transition from childhood into adulthood. Just because a boy or girl passes thru puberty and can make a child, does in no way mean that the rest of him/her is prepared, regardless of what the hormones are saying.
I fully understand the intrigue and the curiosity of sex; however, to fully appreciate the act and to be completely ready for possible consequences, you have to mature a few more years. Take these years to continue being a kid. You have the whole rest of your life to be an adult. I strongly urge you slow down and take your time at each stage of the journey. Rather than go for intercourse, why not limit your excursions into erotica to Foreplay? The benefit is safety as well as a tendency for much more intense orgasms!
Ok. Im so ready for sex but my boyfriend is all ways teasing me and acting like hes wanting sex. But yet when it comes to the time for it he backs down. I dont know what to do any more. Even thow i give him oral sex all the time.
What should i do?!
Oh,wow!!16 and 15 hmm,it seems to me that you need to wait a while longer.You need to really be sure that you definitely are ready for sex before you do it.
We arent going to not use a condom.... Not thats stupid
I didn't say you weren't going to use a condom.I was 23 before i was ready for sex.And my daughter is 17 and has known her boyfriend who is 18 for 4 years and they have been dating for a little over a year.They are still both virgins,neither of them are ready for sex yet.You need to be 100% sure that you are doing the right thing.
if your ready you are
But how do you know if you are ready or not?For me it felt so right,i wasn't nervous or afraid of anything,and it just felt so right being with this other person.
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines, and especially the Index all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.
[QUOTE=Sexybaby7864;264018][COLOR="blue">Ok. Im so ready for sex but my boyfriend is all ways teasing me and acting like hes wanting sex. But yet when it comes to the time for it he backs down. I dont know what to do any more.[/COLOR]
Your first step is to understand that successful relationships are partnerships. With regard to sex, the relationship is not so much what we do to each other, rather, what we do with and for each other, together. Key to this is communication. You are asking questions of us that should be asked of your boyfriend. Only he knows if he is afraid, cautious, teasing, manipulating, or simply clueless as to what to do once he should commit.
Are you ready? This thread is an extension to one of the articles listed in the Index. I recommend that you read the beginning.
I also recommend that you read the other articles under the heading:
SEX e.g. INTERCOURSE just to check and double check that you are not only ready but fully prepared when the time for intercourse does come.
[COLOR="blue">
What should i do?![/COLOR][/QUOTE]
I also recommend that the two of you read all the other articles listed in the Index, together or independently, discuss what you have learned, and adding the information to what each of you already knows. After doing your reading assignment, please do not hesitate to ask questions should any come to mind. We are here to pay it forward.
Just out of curiosity, how old are the two of you?
-doc
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;264029]Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines, and especially the Index all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.
I also recommend that the two of you read all the other articles listed in the Index, together or independently, discuss what you have learned, and adding the information to what each of you already knows. After doing your reading assignment, please do not hesitate to ask questions should any come to mind. We are here to pay it forward.
Just out of curiosity, how old are the two of you?
-doc[/QUOTE]
Hes 16 im 15. We have been together for. 3 years goin on 4 years now
Me and my boyfriend are wanting to both have sex. any ideas on where to have it at that would make it romantic? is a bed over-rated?
[QUOTE=tapoutgirl18;264601]Me and my boyfriend are wanting to both have sex. any ideas on where to have it at that would make it romantic? is a bed over-rated?[/QUOTE]
It is interesting that you would ask if the bed is over-rated since this is the location most couples use most often.
If the weather is warm, take a blanket and a couple of pillows plus a picnic basket and find a place off the hiking trail, or, near a pond, or on the beach (under a second towel). Use your imaginations.
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.
I suggest beginning your quest for information by reading the information at the top of this thread on Pg. 1. Next, please read all of the articles that are under the heading: SEX e.g. INTERCOURSE
I suggest that the two of you read all of the articles together or separately and then discuss what you have learned. Next, add all of the information to what each of you already knows. Knowledge is empowering and there is much more to first time sex than you may have thought about.
-doc
Hi,Dancingdoc2
Thanks! for co-ordination for all carry on
Wow you should go for it. and joy for sex.