I think that your boyfriend is a little shy but atleast he is trying. If you keep on trying you will eventually get there.... afterall theirs not much rush is their?

> each time we start to "do the deed" (twice now) he goes soft and that's that.

I'm trying not to put any pressure on him because I know that can happen to even the best of guys and he's nervous.

You are a wise and caring lover. You are correct not to use pressure; however, there is pressure and it is coming from the scripts going on in his head. When guys worry about "whatever" regarding their upcoming performance, then we become our own worst enemy. This results in Performance Anxiety, and quite frankly, the cure is more easily said than done, and that is for him to quit worrying, pure and simple.

> Apparently, he feels that the physical aspect of our relationship is moving faster than the emotional one - i.e., we haven't said that we loved each other but we're having sex (or trying to anyway).

> We've been dating for 3 months or so, and while I understand the hesitance, I think on some level it's also a bigger deal because it's his virginity and whatnot.

This is a possibility; although, my bet is on the emotional connection or the lack of that is a contributory factor. If true, this is the flipside of the above. A three month relationship can be a pretty short time for many men and women to make a decision about loving someone. This may be a state of being that is "in the works" so to speak for him. This is does not mean that there is no connection or that there are no "sparks". Is there? Are there? You can determine this by his demeanor and response to you. If he is really enthusiastic about the relationship anytime the two of you are spending time together or not, then this is confirmation that he is "into you" to use the newest vernacular term. On the other hand if he is just there, going through the motions, and you have more of a casual friendship then this might be a hint as to why his engine is not reving up. All this said, I'd encourage him to stop worrying about whatever might be of concern to him and help him with this.

I've had the same problem before, what i suggest for you, & that worked for me, is just keep doing what you're doing, oral, playing etc... as time goes on he'll get more & more used to it & he'll feel confident to have sex the more farmiliar he becomes with sexual activities.

It could be the fact he isn't ready to lose his virginity. But could just be a nerves thing or a natural thing. Even experienced guys can have the problem sometimes. Just don't make a big deal about it happening but try and reassure him. xx

I agree with Sirene, keep doing what you're doing and wait.
If he has said that he feels there is a disparity between the emotional and physical aspects of your relationship, then I think there is no plausible explanation but that he IS mentally holding himself back. And if you DON'T tell him to let you know when he's ready but rather expect him to have sex with you or at least try, then he could end up feeling regretful and resentful when he does. This is serious stuff here, and some people are really only comfortable with taking things slow sexually, even if they say (because they are expected to) that it's okay.
You have to decide for yourself whether you think it's worth it to risk breaking his heart and crippling your relationship to keep the progression of your sexual contact at the speed you want it.

Not everybody is ready to do things at the same time. I think that you should not rush him, be happy with the way things are because with some guys and girls, once you start having sex in a relationship that can dominate it. Maybe he is nervous that that is what will happen to you two. Just relax and take it easy. Sooner or later, you'll be surprised when he decides it's right and you'll be able to do the deed.

hey well iv been wi ma gf for 6 months now, i was a virgin wen we first started goin out. we first had sex bout a month into the relationship and the first time we did it i went soft too, this was a problem that occured for the first 4 or 5 times or so, but we just kept "trying" and eventually it stayed up lol, if ur guy does infact want to lose his virginity then just keep trying and eventually it will happen for uz.

My advice is entirely different.

This guy is definitely holding himself back and the problem will only get worse if you do not stop the cycle. Your choices are: 1. To take charge and force as many orgasms out of him as he can physically do by various methods, or 2. To reassure him repeatedly, pet him, and wait it out - which is boring so be sure to date others while you're waiting for him to 'get over it'. or 3. Dump him since obviously his sex drive does not match your own which will only lead to more problems later.