Raped twice? Any therapy? I can assure you that she does have some issues and I doubt that under the circumstances you have gotten to know her very well.

You have agreed to it. That is your contract and control is up to you.

Yes, it is possible that they hymen or its remnants are still there. On the other hand and in modern society, few women over sixteen or so have an intact hymen. There so many activities that can tear it starting with the use of tampons.

How deos she even know she is so tight? Perhaps she is and perhaps she is not. You are getting your priorities all twisted. First, get to know this woman

I'm sorry but I doubt you know her that well. I mean it takes a long time to truly know someone. You need face to face contact. Only then can you learn their mannerisms. Their quirks. Even though you message, text, call, skype, aim and msn them all the time, its just not the same. I've tried long distance relationships.

If she has been raped twice and had no counseling then she should go. I have had several friends and even a cousin who was raped (her on more than one occasion). The only one I ever knew who didn't need counseling was raped at parties when she got drunk or high. (Not trying to say she was lying or asking for it. But if you go to a party and get drunk and do drugs with strangers, and you continue to do so even after you've been raped 2 times, then your just placing yourself in very precarious situations). The rest of my friends all needed counseling. It didn't matter how wonderful their boyfriends were, or how loving or gentle. They all had flashbacks, they all had their hang ups.

Why would she need to loosen herself up so you don't get hurt? What relevance does her vagina and her opening have to do with anything for that matter since your not going to have sex till marraige? If your going to fool around just play with her clit since most women don't get off from penetration.

And since you agreed to wait then you control yourself. When things get hot and she says no you accept it and stop since you said you were okay with waiting till you two get married. In my honest opinion if you have to ask for advice on self control, then you probably aren't someone who should be "agreeing" to wait

> i think about the future too much sometimes and i get worried.

You are to be commended for your concerns and for understanding the importance of what has happened to your friend; although, I doubt you have yet to fully appreciate what rape does to a person and for how long it takes most to "get over it", if they ever really do. With this said, I recommend talking about how you will interact with her in the future and for how you plan to be a loving, caring, skilled, concerned, lover.

Admit that you do not fully understand how the act of rape can affect a person, and want to understand if she is willing to share. Do not force her. Do not ask for details. The point of this is to demonstrate your care for her future well being.

I urge that the two of you read the all of the articles listed in the Index, found at the top of the main screen, then discuss what you have learned, and to add the information to what each of you already knows. Knowledge is empowering. In addition, let her know that you understand that relationships are partnerships in which two people with pasts choose to join together in order to make a future greater than the sum of its two parts. Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other.

My recommendation for when the two of you do get together is to not make intercourse the priority. It is far more important as Brandye has said, to get to know each other, well--and in this case it means emotionally and intimately. Couples do this by working up to intercourse, working up to Foreplay, working up to Heavy Petting, working up to Petting, after beginning with Necking. Take a few months learning about each other at each stage of love and romance. There are articles in the Index that discuss the importance of and how to make out.

It has been said that guys look for places to have sex while girls/women look for reasons to have sex. It is important to understand the differences between genders and then to learn how to make out, make love, and then how to demonstrate that love thru Foreplay and later--Intercourse. Guys can be UP and ready for sex in moments; women require much more time and preparation. Learn more about this by doing your homework.

When the time comes to make out, engage in Foreplay {b/j and/or h/j), and later, Intercourse, do so together and in partnership. Explore and learn together. Expect that she may experience flashbacks not unlike PTS that soldiers experience. Help her to cope and get beyond each. Encourage her to seek counseling using the services of a rape counselor. Rarely if ever can a victim come to terms with what has happened to her, alone.

Please read the information about Implied Consent and Boundaries. Above all, take it slow, and, communicate with each other all along the journey.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc