That is a viewpoint and, never having been married, all my sex has been "pre-marital."

There are practical as well as religious reasons for waiting. What works for you may hinder other people's sexuality and vice-versa.

As a practical matter, the overwhelming majority of people do not wait.

i knew it would be hard for me to wait until marriage to have sex so i went with the theory that i wouldnt have sex with someone unless i could see myself married to them

Strike a balance; too often many indulge in either extreme and fail to see the good in all--other people. After all that is what life is about...helping others. The God I have seen & believe in is neither cruel nor judgemental; only humans have that ability.

I wanted to wait until I was married, for religious and social reasons, and waited 4.5 years with my ex boyfriend to have sex. He was in agreeance with waiting until we were married. We went through a really rough patch where he was working more than he was seeing me, and I craved his company and wanted to try and rebuild some of our relationship, so I asked if we could sleep together.
I do not regret it, even though we broke up, I felt he was the right person to lose my virginity to and he was someone I believed I would marry.
I slept with my best friend recently - we started dating earlier this year. I have never felt so physically connected to someone before, never felt so desired and passionate and excited and turned on - I never realised sex could feel so close and so good!

If you want to wait until you are married, it is your choice alone and no one should ever make you feel pressured into doing it. When you feel the time is right to make love for the first time, bear in mind it is something you will only do once, there is no going back. Be sure you are mentally and emotionally ready for it, not only physically.

Religion causes nothing but problems? I hope that on reflection you'll see that that is a sweeping and inaccurate generalisation. Religion, indeed, has caused a lot of problems, because religions are man-made. And men (and women) in general DO casue a lot of problems. Faith is divine, and when intergated with religion it has revolutionised lives, healed hurts, helped people, supported people and saved people. Innumerable times.

Sirene, you appear to be a very devout atheist. I suggest that you look more into Christianity to find out more about what it's really about before you make what can be viewd as offensive statements

does waiting until you are married inclued oral sex?
i cant see what the big deal is with having pre marital sex. i mean i can see the problems with having sex with many different people but if you love some one then whats the big deal? a marrage is only a bit of paper at the end of the day.

[QUOTE=Sirene;195460]Why would anyone want to wait until marriage to have sex?
I'll tell you why, it's because they're not clued up.[/QUOTE]

Of course, on the other end of the spectrum there are people out there that believe that never getting married and spending a lifetime trying new people will make them more worldly... that somehow they will achieve a nirvana.

[quote=tommy_tucker;195572]does waiting until you are married inclued oral sex?
i cant see what the big deal is with having pre marital sex. i mean i can see the problems with having sex with many different people but if you love some one then whats the big deal? a marrage is only a bit of paper at the end of the day.[/quote]That "piece of paper" changes everything & for the remainder of your life.

What difference does it make? honestly...Its a matter of personal choice. If someone wants to wait then they will wait. If they want to have sex everyday for the rest of their life with a different partner every time.

Try before you buy is right...I mean maybe you wait, then you get married, you become a sex addict and your wife or husband suffers from frigidity, or something of the like. But then maybe you dont...you have sex with someone who you love, and feel that its right, but you get pregnant it goes to hell and he marries you because he feels guilty for it....No matter how you look at it, THere is an upside and a downside to it all....

I vote you just let people decide.

Wow, a spooky kid that hates religion? Now I've seen EVERYTHING... Damn, child, you are UNIQUE!

Get the **** over yourself. Seriously...

[QUOTE=Sirene;195720]Spooky kid? What the hell is a spooky kid?
I'm 22 anyway, far from being a kid.

***********.[/QUOTE]

Seriously though sirene...WTF is the point of this post I mean yea sure someone might come up and post something, venting about sexual frustration or might come on to talk about a wonderful something or another.....

BUT THIS IS SO POINTLESS...honestly you just randomly put up a thread saying your against waiting for marriage, try before you buy, religion sucks...blahdy freakin blah. Guess what...yea im not so hot on religion. I used to be...thanks to a catholic school. But i dont go off saying its terrible.....Im not one to wait either. I saw alot of hype to it, and was a bit let down on my first time cuz it was orgasmalicious....but im not going to tell people hey....your an idiot because you want to save yourself....They dont wanna have sex who the **** cares...its there body if they want to shove a needle through the dick or sew themselves shut its there choice....like it or not you gotta respect it cuz you cant do anything....and believe it or not people really can live without sex...

I really hope the mod deletes this because the only purpose I see is to cause controversy....and judgin by the fact that you cause so much of it, Id say you probably post these just to get your rocks off.

But heres the thing...thats your opinion...which is fine...i respect it, but i do disagree...to a point at least. The problem is you sit here and state your opinion while bashing religion...cant you just say I think waiting is a big mistake, why would you wait and risk being in a love filled yet sexually frustrated marraige for the rest of your life?

I mean yeah religion plays a major factor when people wait till marraige, but that doesnt mean it is something terrible. I could sit here and debate back and forth on it, but I really dont feel like it, because religion has gotten me basically exiled from my family. (all christains, me slightly leaning towards people being reincarnated). If your going to post at least try to consider others....dont just go all out bashing other peoples beliefs.

Well, I'm not married, and the way things are going probably never will be. So if I'd waited until I got married before having sex, that would mean being a virgin for life! Well, to hell with that. That's far too high a price to pay for being single.

[QUOTE=Sirene;195832]Im bashing religion because it's a very very dangerous thing.
Religious people are delusional, & being delusional is dangerous.[/QUOTE]

No people who join cults and commit mass suicide are delusional...people who say that the police shot and killed their gang related son because they are racist. (When he brandishes a firearm refuses to surrender and then starts shooting) are delusional...hell those girls who married that mormon man and had a ton of kids, and believed it to be the way god wants were delusional.....But you fail to see the big picture.....Like I said Im no going to debate this....Im done...all I can say are these two things....religion can be dangerous....if people let it....if people follow with blind unquestioning, unswaying devotion (like those mormon girls) then yes....nothing against the koran but if the radicals didnt follow with blind unswaying devotion, then the so called jihad on 9/11 could have been avoided...but majority of this world doesnt view religion so radically....and the fact that you thinkk everyone is a blind devotionist proves one thing....Ignorance is bliss so your life must be pretty damned good.

People are dangerous when they fail to think objectively for themselves and use teachings as a substitute for forming their own individual thoughts. The world is filled with parameters which we must function within; how we as people choose to function is our choice...develop individual critical thinking skills.

Sirene's a **** disturber, sera and Ducy. Not worth your time and effort.

Your right I got enough things on my plate to worry about....hooray early finals...ugh!

Further proof that the atheists have become the new religious fanatics.

There's a wonderful book titled "I Don't Have Enough Faith To Be an Atheist"

I've never read it, but indeed, reading Sirene's response confirms the pithy title, for me, anyway.

[QUOTE=Sirene;195460]Why would anyone want to wait until marriage to have sex?
I'll tell you why, it's because they're not clued up.

If this is you, think to yourself... right now... "What if we're not sexually compatible?" Don't you think being married is a little too late for finding that out?

This religious tradition should be dead by now, but unfortunatly it isn't.
Still people are getting married & then having sex, only to find out they're doomed to a life time of bad, terrible sex.

My advice to you is, "try before you buy", so to speak.[/QUOTE]

Sirene,

I guess this question could be directed at me because i'm a virgin female in my late 30's and i'm waiting to lose my virginity via LONG term boyfriend or my husband on my wedding night
Wow!, this thread brings up alot of virginity issue but first,you need to know i am a nonreligious virgin and me waiting has nothing to do with god.I just don't believe in casual intercourse and i only believe in commiited intercourse.The biggest issue i have right now is should i engage in outercourse(handjob,mutual masturbation,breast intercourse,bdsm) while waiting for my future long term boyfriend or husband.I think for some virgin having sex before marriage is fine but for me no.

One should do what feels right, if it is going to cause problems with one's conscience then one should wait. it is to be enjoyed not give a problem

[QUOTE=virginchick;195956]Sirene,

I guess this question could be directed at me because i'm a virgin female in my late 30's and i'm waiting to lose my virginity via LONG term boyfriend or my husband on my wedding night
Wow!, this thread brings up alot of virginity issue but first,you need to know i am a nonreligious virgin and me waiting has nothing to do with god.I just don't believe in casual intercourse and i only believe in commiited intercourse.The biggest issue i have right now is should i engage in outercourse(handjob,mutual masturbation,breast intercourse,bdsm) while waiting for my future long term boyfriend or husband.I think for some virgin having sex before marriage is fine but for me no.[/QUOTE]

HUH???? BDSM but you are waiting for a long term relationship at the age of 37 for "committed intercourse"? When does your future begin? Hook, line, and sinker. Profiling you your threads are inconsistent, sorry Dude.

Bating Sirene for descriptions.

Bating him for anger as well.

Both my husband and I were virgins on our wedding night, but fooled around before we got married. We knew we were sexually compatible, and were very open with how strong our sex drives were, etc, before we got engaged. We didn't have to have sex to know whether or not we were sexually interested in the other person.
Even if someone and their intended spouse have never had sex or fooled around at all with each other, both parties should still know how often they get horny or whatever and should discuss this with their partner before marriage or even engagement. Not having sex with someone before marrying them does not mean the marriage is doomed to a non-existent sex life.
Besides personal convictions, reasons for saving sex for marriage or a long-term committed relationship headed for marriage include avoiding pregnancy and disease - which are valid concerns!
It is a personal choice, and people who have waited for marriage do not deserve comments implying that their personal choice is stupid - bottom line.

[QUOTE=Sirene;196134]There is no way in hell you know that you're sexually compatible with someone unless you have actually had sex with them.

You may fool around with them, blow them off etc... but that just means you give good head & you know how to use your hands.
You had no idea that he might last 20secs while having sex, until you actually had sex.[/QUOTE]

Yes but most the time, it gives a good indicator of the couples libido's, which does play a major factor....I believe my cuzin said it best: They can be the fastest man alive when it comes to sex, but if he knows how to use his tongue, I dont care...Basically...just because you are not the most skilled skilled with your penis doesnt mean you cant use use other things...and like all great things practice makes perfect...and if your libidos are the same you can practice as much as you want.

[quote]
I suspect you have a whole closet full of sex toys.
If not, there's something wrong with you.
Perhaps some HRT is in order.[/quote]

Oh that's nice. So now a woman has to have a closet full of sex toys in order to be considered "normal?" For your information, lack of sex, lack of sex toys, and/or lack of masturbation does not make someone deviant any more than having regular sex with an array of tools that makes your bedroom look like the stockroom of Eden's Fantasies.

You're heavily against waiting for marriage. V-chick happens to be heavily for it. I'm sure that the world won't end just because you disagree, and I'm pretty sure that your implication that any female who does not release oxytocin on a regular basis is abnormal, is not only crass, but also rather unenlightened.

Avoiding pregnancy and disease while being sexually adventurous is easily done. One simply makes correct decisions regarding partner selection, birth control, and condom usage. You study sex just as you would study any other subject. You increase your knowledge by considering how your partner would feel if ___. You learn how to be courteous, generous, demanding, and kind with each partner enjoyed since every partner will differ. You learn nuance, styles, and how to listen to your partner's body. You also learn to forgive yourself when you make mistakes especially if you learn from those mistakes.

I see absolutely no value whatsoever in being a virgin. I do not consider ignorance to be a virtue. In light of the above, virginity equals ignorance.

There is no such thing as "meaningless sex". There is also nothing "special" or "sacred" about sex. Where the meaning lies and the specialness/sanctity exists is in the relationship between the persons involved. The more relationships one has increases one's knowledge and skill making subsequent relationships better.

As to my experience, I will only say that I am extremely good at both sex and relationships.
I do not need any toys.

Mods...will you just give EEK a 10 for rep power already? I mean come on not only does she dominant the bedroom or so her homepage say, but she dominates these boards with her knowledge. lol

I do have to disagree with one point though...
I dont neccessarily believe virginity=ignorance. I believe the ignorance lies more in their thought process...For a while I saw sex as something "special"...I dont regret waiting 17 years to lose it. (and turning down the times I had a chance to) My thought process was that sex was something "special" because sex is a way to express love...this was ignorant...Me being a virgin wasnt ignorant, but my thought process was.

I do however believe people who dont believe in doing any form of outercourse until marriage...or those who believe kisses should be something special are ignorant...like my neighbors girlfriend refused to kiss him for a month and a half because she though a first kiss is "special" and should only be shared by a couple who reall really like each other. He finally said screw it and tried to kiss her...she said no that she didnt love him and he was like wtf?!?! Thats ignorance in its purest form.

Sirene - you just proved my point. "When my girl & I feel really close..." That would be the relationship speaking.
Ducy - you're quibbling! You know perfectly well that as you believe/think so shall you do. Remaining a virgin is a deliberate pro-ignorance choice. Thank you for the rep points; but (evil grin) I'll only lose them again.

How do the patient and deserving get rep points of significance? This is a long lost question here??????????? To say the least it's a mystery! Many deserve based on input and patience....and their willingness to learn!

[QUOTE=sera300;196292]How do the patient and deserving get rep points of significance? This is a long lost question here??????????? To say the least it's a mystery! Many deserve based on input and patience....and their willingness to learn![/QUOTE]

LOL Sera ... to keep the thread on-track (well, um, sort of) I will reply thus ...

"Listen! Behold, a sower went out to sow. And it happened, as he sowed, that some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds of the air came and devoured it. Some fell on stoney ground, where it did not have much earth; and immediately it sprang up because it had no depth of earth. But when the sun was up it was scorched, and because it had no root it whithered away. And some seed fell among thorns; and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no crop. But other seed fell on good ground and yielded a crop that sprang up, increased and produced: some thirtyfold, some sixty and some a hundred". Mark 4:3-8

Is that not recognition to the sower enough? Who needs points when they have this? :D

[quote=moderatorII;196295]LOL Sera ... to keep the thread on-track (well, um, sort of) I will reply thus ...

"Listen! Behold, a sower went out to sow. And it happened, as he sowed, that some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds of the air came and devoured it. Some fell on stoney ground, where it did not have much earth; and immediately it sprang up because it had no depth of earth. But when the sun was up it was scorched, and because it had no root it whithered away. And some seed fell among thorns; and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no crop. But other seed fell on good ground and yielded a crop that sprang up, increased and produced: some thirtyfold, some sixty and some a hundred". Mark 4:3-8

Is that not recognition to the sower enough? Who needs points when they have this? :D[/quote]

Well put; need them? NO! Recognition for contribution since many volunteer time I believe is what various individuals seek for their efforts & patients. :) As far ask keeping on the topic of the thread; it was skewed long ago! LOL!

Quibbling...god I have had to use a dictionary more in the past two days than I have in my entire life lol. Sometimes it is true, I believe/think and I do...but then again I do the opposite...perfect example...I believe I should go to school or go to bed...but instead I stay up into the wee hours of the morning, and stay home and sleep through class lol. Your right though...your thought process does make your personality and in essence...you. hmm interesting...

*wait wait wait...i just thought you deserved the rep...I wasnt trying to avoid the point at hand lol.

Everyone has a personal opinion about this.
It's not always about religion when it comes to waiting to get married to have sex. It can be a personal prefence someone might feel obligated to wait until their marriage. I was like that at one point. But who's to say I feel like waiting? If the time comes it comes if it doesn't and I'm older I might wait until I'm married.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;196289]...I see absolutely no value whatsoever in being a virgin. I do not consider ignorance to be a virtue. In light of the above, virginity equals ignorance.

There is no such thing as "meaningless sex". There is also nothing "special" or "sacred" about sex. Where the meaning lies and the specialness/sanctity exists is in the relationship between the persons involved. The more relationships one has increases one's knowledge and skill making subsequent relationships better....
...
Remaining a virgin is a deliberate pro-ignorance choice... [/QUOTE]

Couldn't disagree more. Bearing in mind we are all from the same species, we are also all individuals. That is what is so fascinating and intrigueing about humans - every one of us sees, feels, hears, thinks and does things differently because every one of us experiences things in a different way.

That may fair well be your opinion, and the act of sex may not be or have been special for you (taking away the relationship element), but do not come down on those who feel differently to you.

Remaining a virgin for me was not "deliberate pro-ignorance", it was waiting for the right relationship to have the right feelings together towards entering a sexual discovery. There is no time limit on virginity, and nor should you make anyone feel they are idiotic for not throwing themselves into things. Sex and love for me go hand in hand - I do not want to share myself like that with anyone other than the person I feel close enough to. I am not ignorant because I choose to wait, I am patient.

It's a personal decision and there is nothing wrong or right about when you choose to do it, not for anyone but yourself.

Well, everyone makes their own choices on this subject. For me, sex and love definitely don't go together. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that they can't go together, I'm just saying that for me it hasn't happened that way. If I had waited for love before having sex, then I would be a middle aged virgin by now! I say phooey to that. Why should I miss out on the pleasure and enjoyment of sex by waiting for something that may never happen? Condemning myself to a lifetime of celibacy for no good reason is not an option that I was prepared to accept.

Atomic - we also, generally, love our parents and our kids and I do hope you're not suggesting..? Certainly some bit of affection/liking between sexual partners is to be preferred but full-blown, unconditional love? That's is not necessary. I agree with cyclefreak.

[quote=cyclefreak;197237]Well, everyone makes their own choices on this subject. For me, sex and love definitely don't go together. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that they can't go together, I'm just saying that for me it hasn't happened that way. If I had waited for love before having sex, then I would be a middle aged virgin by now! I say phooey to that. Why should I miss out on the pleasure and enjoyment of sex by waiting for something that may never happen? Condemning myself to a lifetime of celibacy for no good reason is not an option that I was prepared to accept.[/quote]Have to seperate sex from love, they do not always equate; they are mutually exclusive and can be mutually inclusive. Depends on the situation....Knowing the difference allows best life choices....

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;197242]Atomic - we also, generally, love our parents and our kids and I do hope you're not suggesting..? Certainly some bit of affection/liking between sexual partners is to be preferred but full-blown, unconditional love? That's is not necessary. I agree with cyclefreak.[/QUOTE]

Fortunately, that is your twisting of the words I found obviously unnecessary to add to my post :)

I also do not understand where you are pulling "unconditional love" from. I made no mention of it, I merely stated love. And I agree, there is not a need for being in love with someone to be able to share intimacy with them, but for me I was happy (not ignorant) to wait for someone I felt right sharing that with.

Not twisting anyone's words - merely pointing out that there are several levels of love, from liking through affection to full blown devotion/adoration - try to be more precise.

But like driving - until you have done it - yeah, you're ignorant of what is entailed. Ignorant does not mean stupid. Ignorant means you do not know. If this were not the case then well; why is this entire website even here?