Hi everybody,
I need some advice, from guys or girls in similar positions
I haven't been able to come during sex. It's all great and fun but I just can't come. I've been with my current boyfriend a year now and I haven't orgasmed from our lovemaking and I'm beginning to worry he might get a bit bored, he says I suck because I don't come. Before we were together I used to hear him boast about his sexual conquests and how he'd made girls cry with the pleasure and how it made him excited, but, well I haven't exactly been crying with the pleasure.
No one has ever made me come during sex and I feel it's more to do with me than anyone. I can come on my own but I have to concentrate really hard (and work really hard!!!) to make it happen and I'm not sure it's gonna be that easy for him to do it for me so I haven't pressured him to try, and he hasn't.
How can I ask him to pamper me and not have to give a years worth of blowjobs in return?
Try here
And why is this in the "pleasing him" section?!?
Honey,
A quarter of us never experience orgasm and another half require stimulation beyond penetration and thrusting. If her were as hot a lover as he claims, he would be talking to you about is good and not what is bad. If he were worthwhile as a partner, you would not have to establish a quidpro quo to get what you need; he would be jumping through hoops to find it.
You each need education of how a woman responds during arousal. You are quite within the range of normal; he sounds within the range of a jerk. Those men who "impressed" me with their past sexploits usually ended up as gross disappointments. They need to do it and not just talk about it (same goes for women).
You are in the classic female bind: men are the suppliers of all joy in sex and if it is not enjoyable, it is the woman's fault.
I agree with Brandye. I have cum during intercourse a handful of times, but I still enjoy it. I just make sure that I cum before intercourse most of the time. My boyfriend will go down on me or I'll get myself off before penetration, so that it's an exciting build up for him and I still get to orgasm. I still ENJOY sex more than a lot of other girls I've talked to, and I don't think it's a defect that I don't orgasm. Sure it might be nice, but it's not an issue for me. I know a lot of women feel the same way. Most women don't get off from just sex.
Uh, and it's not very helpful for your boyfriend to tell you that you suck because you don't cum. For all he knows, the other girls were faking (if they truly existed). First of all, he's with you, so whatever might have happened in the past is through and done with and he needs to get over it. Second, he should be concerned about your pleasure, not the fact that it's not as fun for him. He should worry that he isn't satisfying you, not the other way around! Third, pleasuring someone shouldn't be tit for tat - it shouldn't be a big favor that you need to make up for if he goes down on you every once in a while. Is he this selfish in everything? If you want to stay with him and make it work, then I think you definitely need to sit down with him and explain why YOU aren't satisfied with your sex life, and what your expectations and desires are. Let him know that it is hurtful and rude that he tells you that you "suck."
Thankyou for your replies and no you're right it doesn't actually make sense what section I put this in.
You're right brandye he'll have to find out what I like and so will I. And browneyedgirl I will be getting stroppy if he mentions it again as a negative. I do want to be with him but I think I need to be more... not demanding but the one just before demanding.
> I do want to be with him but I think I need to be more... not demanding but the one just before demanding.
Here is a quote from several of my replies on this matter:
"Once you can masturbate and have orgasms repeatedly and consistently, you can then show your partner how you do it and guide his hand over several sessions until he learns to mimic the motions, rhythms, and pressures, that you have now come to rely upon."
Be his guide.
AriesLady,
What were you taught about sex? What does sex mean to you? I ask because if sex is "dirty and demeaning" then your chances of truly enjoying sex are slim to none. Because sex begins in the mind. Since it takes you yourself a lot of hard work to achieve an orgasm, I assume this is the case with you - in the absence of any actual physicological difficulties, of course.
Any past traumas?
In order to truly enjoy sex, you have to be positive that sex is the best thing two people can do with each other, "this man will please you", and that orgasms (while great) are the icing not the cake.
You can teach yourself to orgasm more easily by using these techniques:
1. close your eyes and think how it feels to feel good - your skin warm and tingly, your body relaxed - think to the point you induce your skin to tingle and your body to relax
2. gently and slowly do your own body worship on yourself
3. masturbate for 5 minutes maximum
4. repeat, repeat, repeat - practice makes perfect - until you can induce a pre-orgasmic state
5. get to this before seeking further assistance from him
Oh, and please exchange that clue-less male you're currently with for one who actually knows what he's doing.
Lose the guy - he's a dick.
Any guy who isn't supportive needs to go.
HURRAY, Eph!!!
Give him oral until he is about to climax. Get up get your coat and leave. Tell him thats how I feel.