When I was 12 I was attacked and Brutally Raped by a man to the point I almost died and when it happened I got aroused and a year later I developed feelings for only guys and since then have really only been with guys now I've tried to be with girls three different times and in each time I couldn't get aroused and in the pit of my stomach it felt so wrong and uncomfortable to me and she was really really trying but nothing happed and I started to feel sick about what we where doing. It felt like this wasn't normal and it felt wrong each time. And with guys I notice everything their cute but and so on and when I'm with a guy it feels so natural to me. I'm so Confused please can someone help me with this.
Fri, 08/10/2012 - 19:26
#1
I was Brutally Raped when I was 12 So am I really gay or not
I'd say it's coincidental. Did you have any notion of sexual preference before the incident? But beyond that is there anything wrong with being gay? You make it seem like you got cheated somehow by that experience, dooming you to a life of gayness. If being with men feels right, and you've seemed to give it the college try on the straight side, then have at it being gay I say.
By the way I nearly suffocated reading that first sentence. My mind had no punctuation to take a breath during. ;)
I'm sorry about that. But No I never really started looking at guys or girls until I was almost thirteen. But when I did start I was only interested in guys And I never meant to sound like being gay was a bad thing. I grew up in a house that was very much Vatican catholic. And for me being with a guy is very natural and being with a girl feels extremely wrong to me. I'm just so confused.
I think that I'm still questioning my sexuality because of my friends and family. Which if they supported me and still loved me as their son. Even thoe I'm gay then I would know who I am which to me is gay. Does that kinda make sense. And I was wondering if having a penis the size of 1 in a half inches fully erected was normal. I'm really self conscious about it and yes its really that size.
SOME people, both genders, do experience orgasm during rape. This is nothing more than your body reacting to stimulus and is NOT an indication that THAT is your TRUE expression of desire. If you remain concerned, I suggest counseling with a rape therapy specialist - even if its years later.
There is another consideration as well. Men's sexual preference begins "fluid" but hardens into "concrete" around about the time you were raped. Now this is from studies done on the subject of men's sexuality and may or may not pertain to you and your experience. Once again, only therapy can help here.
Given the number of threads you've begun/contributed to on this topic, I'd say you are very concerned. So COUNSELING is very much in order and I strongly encourage you to get it - if only to clarify in your own mind and to give you some peace wihtin yourself.
EEK makes an extremely important point for valid reasons. Take her advice.