I'm a 19 year old male, and I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now, but all her life, she's never had an orgasm. We've tried everything. She's tried dildos, I've fingered her, she's fingered her self, we've even had sex a few times. The only thing I haven't tried is oral. But she's not comfortable with ANYONE down there. I respect that, but I really want to help her. She means so much to me. Everything we try, nothing happens. She doesn't feel any good sensation, she just feels something in her vagina, or around it, whichever I'm trying.
She tells me she's never, not even for a SPLIT second, felt something pleasurable. She's getting to the point to where she doesn't like to do sexual things with me, because I can get pleasure, and she can't. She cries when we try something, and it doesn't work. Are some women just not capable of getting pleasure? I've fingered women before, and made the scream and moan and wiggle with pleasure, so I know I'm doing it right. So does anyone have any idea what we're doing wrong? Is oral my only hope? If so, how can I make her comfortable with letting me try it?
I think what you described is what is her problem: she doesn't relax, is stressed that she never had an orgasm and that is what doesn't let her have one. Female orgasm is so much about relaxing and letting the mind to get all sexy. Only physically - you won't go there. And yes, if she is not relaxed, not in the right mood, no matter how you touch she will not feel any pleasure.
Now how to make her finally relax and let it go - I guess you can only try to talk to her, help her build confidence. Maybe she has had some painful traumatic experiences? That could also be it. There can be many reasons, but I believe they are all psychological.
There is nothing you can do. If she wants to correct this problem, it will have to be her initiative.
The Anatomy of the Female "O", Answered by Brandye & Dancingdoc2 & Inspired by Godiva
For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?
It is important for both of you and especially her, to understand that we do not give orgasms away; we are responsible for our own. That means each of us has to learn how to reach and achieve an orgasm. It is not something that we can do for someone. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve on--and then, only after they have connected all the "dots" so to speak by learning to masturbate.
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
She may have one or more of the following holding her back:
* age and maturity
* social and moral scripts from family or community
* an incomplete knowledge about her body and sex in general
I recommend the two of you go through several of the informational posts listed here:
Maybe try getting her to drink a little bit. That should help her relax.
She is very self conscious, so the relaxing makes sense. I will do everything I can to get her to relax. She's a nervous person, and she's told me when she masturbates (or tries anyway), she just keeps going and going until she's sore. So it makes sense that she needs to relax. I don't know why I didn't think of that. Thanks for your help. I will come up with ways of letting her relax, and feel more comfortable.:)
I think everyone has got the right idea about this. It seems to be on her, of course that may be hard to hear but it's true. You guys really need to have a talk about why she can't relax and enjoy sex. Does she get any pleasure from masturbation when you're not around? If she can't please herself how does she expect to get anything from you?
You have to make relax, anyway you can. First, you can say that you own't do anything if she can't have fun with it. Then a nice drink (NOT MANY, ONE!), cuddling, just don't take the step forward, let her do it. Nice lighting, incence, candles, perfumes, whatever...
Just don't go chemicals. :D