From what others have said in other posts, masturbation on your part, so you can last longer... or just getting her used to fingering

> my girlfriend doesnt want any fingering or licking just penetration and its hard for me to give her an orgasm since i cant last long enough to give her one

There are several truths that are not always self-evident to the new initiate into the world of love, romance, and sex. One truth is that we do not give orgasms away. Each of us is responsible for our own. All any of us can do is to help our partner achieve his/her own.

> and every time we do it she wants me to go fast and give her one..what do i do?

Masturbating and/or climaxing before beginning actual intercourse is one way of curbing the tendency for a guy to climax too quickly. There are two other methods--the "Squeeze" technique, and, an exercise I regularly recommend to help train a guy to maintain control of his senses and to be able to pause the proceedings before loosing control. This is an exercise I have described many many times and requires both parties to participate. You can do an advanced search using my name and the key words "squeeze" or "benchmark" or Premature Ejaculation".

Another truth is that very few sexual positions provide a woman with the necessary and continuous contact required to build her arousal. To generate the ongoing friction requires (nearly) constant contact; therefore, what most knowledgeable, caring, skilled lovers do is to reach around while stroking and finger the clitoris.

Another truth is that what is good for the gander is good for the goose, meaning if a guy can enjoy an orgasm before intercourse, so too can a woman--and after if it is her desire.

> i cant last long enough to give her one and every time we do it she wants me to go fast and give her one..what do i do?

Most women report that if intercourse lasts longer than about ten minutes they become tired, bored, and sore. If you can last longer than a minute and within the rest of the ten then you are doing alright contol-wise. Climaxing within the first minute is a condition known as Premature Ejaculation. Climaxing after that is just an untimely event; however, the fix for both are with the exercise and Squeeze technique previously mentioned.

Yet another truth is that intercourse should not generally begin until the woman is ready--and, both are on the verge of a climax. There is a common misconception, mostly among guys, that lots and lots and lots of stroking is the way to get off--WRONG. Stroking maintains an already high state of arousal; thrusting peaks this and takes us past the trigger point to enjoy an orgasm.

The purpose of foreplay is to bring our level of arousal and excitement nearly to the brink of a climax yet stopping short in order to maintain control so we can stop oral stimulation and/or get into position for intercourse.

The purpose of making out is to build all this up to a frenzied level. All too often young people ignore or rush right past all this fooling around that is so necessary. A couple should devote no less than half an hour to just kissing and caressing each other (more within reason if time permits). All this should be included in the foreplay that follows.

> every time we do it she wants me to go fast and give her one..what do i do?

Let her read this post, and help her to acquire more information and knowledge about all this. There is much that the two of you can learn by looking over the various forums (threads and sticky messages). In addition, t there are many tutorials available off the main menu of the Board.

The last truth I will reveal for now is that making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other. Since each of us is responsible for our own orgasm all you can do is to help her get there. You do this best by learning how she fingers herself when alone and then mimicing her motions, rhythms, and pressures. The same holds true for you with her.

Show each other how you masturbate and then guide each other's hand over a few sessions until learning to mimic each other's technique that is unique and specific to them.

Does your girlfriend masturbate? If so, great! If not and she has not yet learned how to achieve an orgasm, then there is little you can do for her. She must first learn how to have orgasms on her own before she can ever hope to have you help her acheive them when the two of you are together. Mother Nature gives us all the millions of sensitive nerve endings in the skin, a pleasure center in the brain, and an autonomic nervous system to transmit the signals back and forth; yet through some twist of evolutionary fate, the connections are not made. This is why each one of us must practice and learn how to masturbate. Boys pretty much do this matter-of-factly right out of puberty; not so girls who often learn later in life if at all! If she is orgasmic then your problem should be fixable quickly. If she has yet to make the transition form a preorgasmic girl to an orgasmic being, then the process will take longer taking into account the time required for her to learn to communicate with her own body.

Communication is key. So too is having a partnership in which the two of you explore, learn, and, discover, together.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

Great post, dancingdoc2.

The only other thing I could add... which is purely technical... is to use a condom with slow-down stuff in it.

One of my ex boyfriends could last plenty long except in the one position that could give me an orgasm. It was really frustrating - as soon as I felt the tingle, he would come. So, I stopped trying to get there. I wish I'd known about the slow-down condoms then!

Jenny Kennedy
Easy Orgasms for Difficult Women
www.difficultwoman.com

Thank you for the reminder that I didn't even think about at the time. Here is an amended statement:

Masturbating and/or climaxing before beginning actual intercourse is one way of curbing the tendency for a guy to climax too quickly. There are three other methods--a) the "Squeeze" technique; b) an exercise I regularly recommend to help train a guy to maintain control of his senses and to be able to pause the proceedings before loosing control; and c) using a condom. The skin of many adds a barrier that insulates the man thus reducing the intensity of the friction. The exercise I have described many many times requires both parties to participate.