Sex for sex' sake is simply that - sex. Feels good but there is nothing about to be fulfilling. Sex is very enjoyable but it is not magic.

I'm glad to read about your happy experience! And sorry for you feeling empty and broken...

Part of it could be about missing her. You've shared a very intimate moment together. You apparently feel emotionally connected to her(?) Although emotions through sex is more often reported by women, it sure as hell is possible for men to experience this as well (read around and you'll see). What I'd like to advice you: at least cherish what you do have; a beautiful experience no-one can ever take away from you. Don't let it be ruined by this.

Another part could be about the expectations you had. It seems intriguing to me that you even changed your nickname. Like you've disconnected from everything you've written here before. (what was the former, btw?). If you really expected it to be a world of difference, the outcome could be rather disappointing. Although losing your virginity is very exciting and can be a wonderful experience (as you now know) it doesn't change the person you are. You are simply the same person as you were before, but with another happy experience to your list :)

As for asking an HIV-test (did she do other STD's too btw?): this was only a sensible thing to do. You should have kept your head at in the first place off course, but what's done is done. You got lucky, now don't rely on luck again. I'm sorry the relationship ended over this; are you sure that this was it? How do you know? And: how did you put it when you asked her? Is there a chance to talk to her again to set misconceptions straight?

How do you know this? You shouldn't believe everything people tell you...

I happen to know what Borderline is. And not true that it is impossible to be with someone who suffers from it. People with borderline are emotionally demanding on their partners, that's true.

It does depend on the degree of severeness. These people have a (very) low self esteem and see life in extremes; it is either perfect or worthless. This causes them to live in extremes as well at times. They usually suffer from angst (such as the fear of being deserted). It kinda resembles manic depression in a way... It can be coped with, usually with medication.

There are more severe cases of people who get extremely manipulative towards their environment, mutilate themselves, who disassociate from reality, get suicidal, etc. There are those that take medication and life-long-therapy.

the main question is if you can love her with this condition. You cant controll her actions but you can comit to doing anything it takes to getting her back. (Even if it took weeks monthes years to gain her full trust). Working day by day accepting the drawbacks and reveling in the sucsess, and accepting all along that it may be pointless but...it may not be. thats up to you

hey rodethepole you have lost half an inch since 2008???? :p;):D

You don't have to be depressed. I also thought that the whole world will change when I'll lost my virginity. But now I can say that was just one more experience in my life, nothing more than that.

Okay time to clear up the confusion here.

Feeling empty - you are confusing the physical component of sex with the emotional component of sex. Losing your virginity CAN but does not always answer to emotional needs between partners since virginity mainly concerns the physical body.

It is the intimacy, sharing and caring, between partners that answers the emotional needs.

In your case: you confused sex with love. If there's no MUTUAL emotional bond then there's no love no matter how much sex is involved in the relationship.

It may be difficult to keep the lines between physical and emotional clearly defined but it isn't impossible, but doing so prevents the pain you're going through now.

Hey rodethepole, try and stay strong, if you don't manage to win this girl round then fate has placed someone else just around the corner waiting for you to find her :) if you need to talk then just drop me a message

Please stop with this "Fate has placed..." or "it was meant to be.." etc.

The present is the consequence of previous action/inaction. Yes, the thought is uncomforting but it does put your life in your hands and makes it yours to control whereas Fate is just 'SOL'.

Not everyone is going to drawn to you or overwhelmed by your charms and pulchritude. Just how it is for everyone.

With pro med help the Personality Disorder girl can overcome her mental issue and could become capable of love.

But that's not the OP's job. That's her problem to solve.

EEk is right. Fate is basically a load of trash. If fate is truly in control then I could just drink smoke and have as much unprotected sex that I wanted because if I got an sti had a child, or had a case of lung cancer, its fate and it would happen no matter what.

You control your life. Part of the reason you feel so empty is because contrary to popular belief sex is a carnal pleasure and a base instinct. It is not love. Sex isn't a relationship and it certainly is not a means to an end (unless of course the end goal Is pleasure).

You put sex on a pedastal. You thought it would help everything. Make life better. And when you suddenly didn't see rainbows around everyturn you felt let down and it only made life worse (it was bad and the let down compounds it because now you don't know how to help anything)

I truly am sorry that your partner has such unfortunate health problems. She could be helped with professional medical care. Its not something that can be cured with time or some natural herbal stuff. Unfortunately most people with severe disorders will start to feel better and think they don't need meds anymore. My best friends uncle has multiple personalities. He gets on meds for a few months then starts to think he's cured. Gets off it and winds up back on the streets or in a facility.

My advice. You can't help those who won't help themselves. My ex was sexually abused as a child. She. Swore she didn't need counseling, yet she was constantly confused with her sexual identity. She even got a tattoo on her wrist to always remind herself what made her (it was a number and it commemorated the age she was abused. It became a case of I try to save her and she used me for everything. My health declined physically and mentally, and ruined my ability to maintain a healthy relationship for several years.

take two paper dolls, one blue one pink. Glue them together. Then try to seperate them. Pieces will be left behind on each other. The blue one is the man, the pink one is the woman. Glueing together is the sex of a relationship, and when you leave each other, you leave a piece of you behind. I suggest atleast talking with her.

Jeez! Leave a piece of yourself behind???! Yegods - come on, you're not thirteen any more. Face it, the guy got involved with Crazy and is now paying the price of playing Galahad.

Now EEK in all fairness young love is a wildfire. It looks pretty for a second till it catches and grows burning through everything in its path. When it dies down there's nothing but destruction that takes time to fix.

But then again your right haha. The paper dolls analogy was kinda silly. Sex is not a glue. To infer that sex holds relationships together is silly. Sex is sex. Just like love is love. What holds relationships together is hard work, trust and maturity.

Hate to say it bud. Your gonna feel pretty cruddy for a while. But it'll pass. You'll grow up and learn the pleasure involved with sex. And everything will continue like usual

"Never stick your dick into crazy."

It may be wild for a time but then you have to deal with the crying jags, the 26 million phone calls in 20 minutes alternating between I love oyu and I hate you, the disruptions of your life at home, at school, at work, when out with others, the keying of your car, the frantic trips to the emergency room because she's hurt herself, the visits to the shrink that she just has to tell you about, the maybe pregnancies, the police episodes, the sundry scumbags hanging around her, the walking her around the room be cause she od'd on something or other--- and WHO NEEDS THAT CRAP?

Walk away, guys - just walk away.

I don't think Thecalliton's comparison to the dolls is that crazy. I agree it is not perfect, yet makes sense. It sorta resembles the Romanticide-type of thing;
The art of loving someone that inevitably causes ones own demise. The victim is completely aware of the outcome, but cannot bring one self to forget about the person they have fallen in love with. ([url=http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=romanticide]Urban Dictionary)
There are many who struggle with something like this. And even truly commit it; either suicide or homicide (the latter in French known as "crime passionel")

Personally, in the dolls example; I wouldn't refer to the glue as sex, I would refer to it as love. Love is what makes people "stick together" and creates a profound bonding. And even when that bond is broken, we keep the pieces of it in our hearts and eventually cherish them as parts of us. But first; because we are no longer connected to that someone in the world outside, we feel "missing". The more profound the bonding and "attached" we felt to that person, the more we feel like we're missing a part of ourselves and the longer it takes to heal. It takes time before we will finally accept that person and relationship we had, does no longer exist in the world and can not be resurrected. But it is now part of ourselves (intrinsic). When both people are still alive, both may feel this way. And it may seem like they've "exchanged" parts of themselves. When in fact; they've both enriched each other with experiences. You should view the glue and color as that "enrichment", that extra color that will always stick with you! When the other has deceased, you still take that color with you. What that person meant to you, the color (s)he brought to your life, remains.

Now; how does that relate to sex? Sex is a physical and very pleasurable act in itself. However, in romantic relationships; sex is also a physical representation of the love felt. When therefor love is considered to be represented in sex (or iow: sex=love), that's the sophism. And that's what has happened to our "glue" here. The only comparison with the dolls and pure sex would be the pure biology of exchanging bodily juices ;)

I think the OP is more likely to be struggling with the disappointment of sex not being the life-changing experience as he had hoped for, than the sophism of his "love" for the girl... Seems like he hasn't been online for a while anyways, so perhaps all this thread needs is a bit of rest :)

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265859]Jeez! Leave a piece of yourself behind???! Yegods - come on, you're not thirteen any more. Face it, the guy got involved with Crazy and is now paying the price of playing Galahad.[/QUOTE]

sorry, i should have said emotionally

This is exactly why mankind needs to stop making sex out to be this life changing, spiritual, love filled event. I just don't get it. I mean I swear by the way my elementary sex ed class and my high school sex ed class was you would think that after sex your gonna win the lottery and grow wings and shoot orgasm inducing lasers from your eyes. But if its done without being in love or married you would die of aids, have 50 babies, a run down shack for a home, and work at a blockbuster whiile your eyes repeatedly burst into flames.

When you put your penis into a vagina responsibly, it can be awesome. But when its over you feel good, relaxed, energised but your not gonna have to custom order shirts for your new wings. If you have no strings attached, protected responsible sex, you get to experience something pleasureable and exciting. But your not going to go blind or have octuplets or live in a shack trying to pay for your aids medication. Yes things can happen but if your responsible and smart then you can be okay.

and the first step towards responsibility and intelligence is PROPER EDUCATION.

Sorry I did not mean to hijack the thread but I think that the OP's biggest issues stem from improper guidance from an adult.