im quite new to sex and my boyfriend and i have only done it a couple of times (were both home from college for the summer so were living with our parents... kind of makes it difficult :p ) but it doesnt do anything for me. first of all, for whatever reason we can never start with him on top. it still hurts me even though im very wet. he usually gives me oral before so that shouldnt be the issue. so i start on top and then after a little while we will flip over so hes on top. i dont particularly like being on top but it doesnt bother me. i would just rather let him take control, hes the experienced one :rolleyes: but i dont really get any pleasure out of it. theres always really great cuddling afterwords and theres nothing wrong. no pain or anything. i just dont particularly feel anything. its very pleasurable for me when he fingers me or goes down on me, but not with sex. is that strange? what can i do to fix it?
Sun, 08/03/2008 - 07:16
#1
i just dont like it...
Yeah - so amazing a relationship that you're here asking us instead of him.
Try the spooning position and while you are having sex play with your clit. This might add the extra stimulation you need. Next you need to just let go and enjoy the act. I have learned that for men and women if you don't just let go and get in the moment, you may not orgasm. Just a guys two cents.
Use some lubrication to help with the pain.
I believe there is a sticky titled "The Program" somewhere on this board, and it gives detailed instructions on how body worship works, and stuff. You should take a look at that.
The brain is the most important erogenous organ in the body. It does not sound like you have any specific physiological issue but all women should have a gyn exam before becoming sexually active. If you have not had one, see your doctor. This should be discussed with her. (Yes, I have a preference for female gyn's and go to a woman myself. No reflection on male gyn's; just my preference)
There is a critical question. Have you learned to masturbate to orgasm? There is a correlation with age at beginning of masturbation and later sexual satisfaction. These, of course are self-reported but the correlation is strong. Once a woman masturbates successfully, she know what she is working towards, gains insight into what is pleasing and is more sexually confident with partners.
Recognize that about a quarter of all women never, or rarely, experience orgasm; about the same percentage regularly reach orgasm through penetration and thrusting. That leaves about half of us who require additional stimulation - oral, digital, self-digital. Some over time move from one category to another. The eldest patient I have had reach her first orgasm was 54. I have had a few thirty-something mothers who reached orgasm for the first time.
Recognize that whilst seemingly automatic for men, we women actually need to learn orgasm. Nature does not care whether or not we reach orgasm because ours is not required for pregnancy.
The book Our Bodies Our Selves is a good, albeit dated, starting point. Learn how your body operates. If you want ideas on masturbation, try clitical.com along with many postings on this site. You were not able to stay upright your first time on a bicycle and our sexual response is much more complicated than riding a bike. Do not give up; learn about your body; discover your own body; then, go forth and enjoy yourself (safely).
well the thing about masturbating is that im never alone. so ive never tried it. my whole life ive shared a room with my sister and when im at school im in the room with either my roommate or my bf. at home theres 6 of us so the house is never empty. and at school my roommate is really sporadic about going to class so i never know when shell come in the room. not exactly a good predicament haha
So masturbate while in the shower. Do something because you're missing one of the greatest joys in life. SEX. You might also want to try out the skills of mor than one guy as well. It is amazing what you can learn from others. Just use BCPs and condoms as well as lubricant.
why would i want to try it out on anyone else? my bf and i have an amazing relationship. just because i havent totally figured sex out yet doesnt mean i should go looking for it elsewhere.
You may just need to get a few years older and find out what your body likes. And if your sneaking around are you focused on what your doing or listening for a door to open or for footsteps? It sounds like you are in a good relationship, two people who do care about each other. Relax you will like it.
As much as I enjoy sex I do agree with the OP. It is a PART of the relationship and not the main focus here. She is just looking for some point of view from others on how sex is more enjoyable or if this is unusual. Most posters on this forum either enjoy sex above average or prelude that they do. If you view the survey post and take a peak at everyone's choice in amount of times they'd like to have sex in a week, everyone has daily or more then once a day. Now viewing those posts and the reality of both men and women, those numbers arent happening. Even though this is a sex based site, there are other issues and considerations of people's lives to consider. I suggest talking to him and figuring out some positions or ways that are more pleasing for you. If you enjoy the fingering, figure out why. Perhaps you like gspot and clit more then the normal penetration. Then you can adjust positions for gspot and rub your clit while he thrusts. Good luck and remember the best way is to communicate.
we have talked about it. its not like he ignores me during sex or that it hurts during sex or that its bad. its just not especially pleasurable for me. he pleases me in many other ways and im very happy with him sexually and, most importantly, emotionally. sex is not a huge part in our relationship, i would just like some answers. i just thought that since we couldnt come up with any explanations ourselves as to why i couldnt experience really good sex, i would try getting help from here. i thought the whole reason this board was here was so that people like me could ask questions without having people question my relationship.
Keep lines of communication open for what works and what doesn't. Both of you should go through the index on this site and try to learn as much as you can about your own and each other's bodies. After that, finding pleasure in sex should just take time as you experiment and become more experienced. Practice makes perfect, just be sure to relax at all times and enjoy the ride instead of being entirely focused on the ending.
He needs to be able to know exactly where he is inside of you relative to your hot spots inside, and the two of you need to spend time figuring out what angles and positions allow him to reach those spots with whatever combination works for your two specific anatomies. Some regions like the fornix can take time for the nerve endings to make all of the pleasurable connections when starting out having sex.
I hope you two have a great time learning together.
i guess i am pretty worried about the chance of someone coming in his room. i think when were back in school and we dont have to worry about parents i wont be distracted. as for being a few years older, were 19 ha and i definitely know im ready. thanks for all of the advice. we'll definitely work on finding better positions. i really appreciate it :)
19 is nothing. Have you talked to you doctor? When it's perfect then you will see what all the fuss is about. And that may be years from now, but keep practicing it will get you there sooner.
I like it -this is a sex info/help site and yet apparently "sex is not a big deal" is being permitted to pass unchallenged. When you're enjoying sex, it may not be a big deal but when you're NOT getting sex/enjoying sex - then it becomes a HUGE deal.
If it is not such a big deal for you then why are you here...really? In other words - stop lying. You're here because you know in your heart of hearts that yes, sex is a huge deal, and somehow you're missing out. To truly and fully enjoy sex, you have to accept your sexuality. Forget timidity, modesty, fearing loss of control etc. - just relax and let it loose.
Positions, toys, etc. all very nice but without that basic change in your mindset, sex will be a "why did I bother" experience.
:)Masturbation is important.it's the best way to find out what you like and don't like.It's also a good way of doing something for yourself.If you can't do it at home,why not with him?It seems you've found someplace to be together to have sex why not use the time to explore masturbation together? Believe me he won't mind a bit.I don't know any guy who wouldn't like to enjoy masturbation with their girlfriend.Above and beyond anything else RELAX and enjoy yourself !
Don't think too much or worry about every little thing.Remember it's not what you specifically do but the feelings behind what you do together.
JustCurious- I understand what you mean about sex just not doing anything for you. I've been there myself, the first couple years after losing my virginity, I didn't really get any excitement from sex either. It had nothing to do with the ability to orgasm, I could do that fine myself or when receiving oral, but the penetration itself was never anything to get excited about.. and it was like that whether in a good or bad relationship, with a really skilled guy or unskilled, it didn't matter. However, since then I've had a lot more sex..and experience alone has changed things. One night I just happened to end up in a position I hadn't tried before..and it was like magic. Ever since, sex has just gotten more and more enjoyable. A huge factor is just becoming more comfortable with it in general, exploring your own sexuality and what will get you excited. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself to feel pleasure, if you aren't enjoying it, try something new, or just relax and let all your senses take in the experience. I have found that even if I don't end up having an orgasm while having sex (not including when hes fingering me during foreplay) that sex is still enjoyable. Finding a private place for you and your BF to relax and have sex without worrying about getting walked in on would definitely help you as well. Just think positive, have fun with it, and you'll get there eventually :)