oxfordfox

i understand where your coming from, i was there. I am 24 now and married, i started to get turned on during the act simply because i knew he was enjoying it. The fact of feeling degraded, it is not being degraded. it's just a stupid thing porn videos and put out there. Chances are he only wants to do it because he thinks there is a thrill. My husband dosent like doing it on me, but once in a while i make him because i like to feel dirty and sexy.

see this is just my opionion. but give it a try, if it is as bad as you thought explain that to him. but you need to keep a open mind while doing it because if you don't you wont enjoy it.

This sounds like this is very deep for you, Oxfordfox.... almost so deep that it might seem like you should find (said humbly)someone who doesn't need Oral sex or just doesn't like it. Because it seems like as much as you don't like Oral sex he likes Oral sex and cumming on you. Now I'm sure you guys have more positive attributes to this relationship because its lasted for 3 years. Maybe there is some kind of Bargaining and compromise that can be done here. How about if you do Oral sex he has too hold you and reemphasize how much of a beautiful woman you are inside and outside when its done. But a compromise like this could help...

How old are you if I may ask?

I'm taking a risky stances here for you, but worst case scenario as long as you are in a relationship with "your bf of 3yrs" Oral sex will end up being something you do and as for the cumming on you... well.... its gonna be done sometimes too....

Relationships are about compromise and also letting someone be who the are... you guys have a problem, but like I said, its nothing a good compromise can't handle.

You should try and look at oral sex as a power postion. You can go as fast or slow as you want. Also, if you don't already do this, use your hand(s) then when he is about to cum point his d!ck on him and if he freaks out use it against him and say "now why would i what you cummin on me!" and if he doesn't freak, will then try it. But think about this before you do this. What are some of his other fantasies? Are you willing to try those?

Also, what is a fantasy of yours?

Pic, you make a good point about the general concept of compromise in a relationship. Having said that, however....

Look at the pain this girl is in over giving him oral. With something as emotional as this is for her, I'm not sure I think a compromise can, or should, be reached. No one should be forced or cajoled into doing something that makes them feel the way giving oral so obviously makes her feel.

Yes, relationships are about compromise. But sex is about pleasure and bonding. If a person enjoys feeling dominated, dirty or demeaned, more power to them!! But no one should have to perform an act that makes them want to curl up into a ball and sob because they feel like such an inferior human being. That's cruel.

Oxford: PLEASE don't interpret the previous paragraph as anything negative directed at you....that's utterly NOT what I mean, and I don't believe it to be true. It just sounds to me like it's how you feel afterward.

Int1103 your about how deep this is for Oxfordfox, however, I think the compromise can and should extend into sex. Yet as I think about this Oxfordfox uses some strong words to express her feelings, its also why I humbly suggested that it might good to find a guys who doesn' t like or care about Oral sex. I believe that there are guys out there who don't care for it much.

but "Cool" I'm with you, Oxfordfox what are you fantasies about sex?

Yes, compromise should, and does, extend into sex. I just don't think there's any place for it when the two people involved are this far separated on the spectrum. He's asking her to put his desire above her own self-worth. That's not acceptable.

He does get a quarter of a brownie point for caring, at least at first, about how it made her feel. But he lost that and then some when he apparently stopped giving a damn. If he ever HONESTLY gave a damn to begin with, instead of pretending like he did to get her to keep doing it, which is entirely possible.

As long as a person is clean and healthy, there is nothing terrible, wrong, or, degrading, about touching each other's genitals. There is nothing wrong with tasting a mans precum, or, semen--or having it land somewhere on the skin or in the mouth.

Urine in a healthy person is drinkable and has been known to keep people alive on deserted islands or in the desert. Therefore, the urethra is not unclean. So, if you have a hangup about this part of a man's body being dirty then in normal circumstances this just isn't true.

Many women let their man climax inside their mouth prior to spitting it out, sometimes swallow, and/or let him ejaculate somewhere on her skin. All this is fine if she is fine with it. That you are not is OK. I'm just asking you to make an informed decision knowing all the facts before making your decision final. Semen has a couple of calories and some protein so it is not harmful even if it does have an acquired taste. That said, so too does a woman's vaginal mucus for many men.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[QUOTE=oxfordfox;245434]say things like "...what a loving gf would do..." or " why are you being so stupid about it..." [/QUOTE]

His saying these things just plain isn't acceptable. Period.

[QUOTE=oxfordfox;245434]I dont know what it is I it just makes me feel degraded...

...how upset and disgusted I am at myself...

...it makes me feel like a whore[/QUOTE]

But he has shown by his actions and his words that he quite obviously doesn't give a rat's rosy red one. The bottom line here is, she's got some issue about doing oral for him. And, given the voice of the original post, I highly doubt a 180 on that will come anytime remotely soon. We all know that when it comes to sex, everyone has something they love, and everyone has something they hate. Why in God's name should a person have to endure being treated the way he's treating her over it??? It does NOT make someone a lesser person.

In the beginning it took me a while to get my brain around the concept of putting a man's penis in my mouth. And guess what, that's okay. And guess what else, it's also okay if a person never does get their brain around it.

In the interest of full disclosure, and for the sake of sharing a giver's perspective, I do oral for T on a regular basis. He absolutely loves it, and I absolutely love doing it for him. Honestly, it's empowering for me, and I don't mean in terms of domination. I get a sense of pride from my ability to elicit those reactions from him. Sometimes it almost slips out of my mouth from the grin that spreads across my face. It's almost a 'Hell yeah, look what I can do! Putty in my hands!' kind of thing. Maybe that's dorky but that's okay. I'm proudly the biggest dork I know. It's part of my charm ;)

I understand perfectly where oxfordfox is comming from. I also give her Kudos for attempting to meet her partners desires. My own feelings are pretty similar. However, my partner of 20+yrs hasn't been demanding, disrespectful and selfish. I have come to enjoy pleasing him orally, to a point, during foreplay as well as other times when I can't participate in intercourse but it never goes into my mouth or anywhere on my body. It's a so-so alternative when we want to be intimate. If I HAD to perform acts and to the degree that was outside of my boundaries it would be a problem. Luckily for me, my partner is ok with it.
Now, this may be a deal breaker for oxfordfox's partner. This may be something that he enjoys and wants in his long term, intimate relationship. Everyone has a right to enjoy their sexual side and establish the rules of play that each finds to most pleasureable and satifying. If that's the case then oxfordfox has a big discision to make.

OxfordFox: Drop this Selfish Lout and kick him in the head on his way down.

"Well that's what a loving gf would do if her bf asked her to" or " why are you being so stupid about it i give you pleasure dont I why cant you do this one thing for me"

Frankly, a loving boyfriend would take her at her word and stop demanding what she doesn't like to give.

Next: stop appeasing men. Trying and trying and trying to like what they demand from you when you know beforehand that you do not like it is appeasement- giving him what he wants so he gets off your back about it. Appeasement is poison. Appeasement leads to resentment, shuts down communication within the relationship, and is a sure sign that this relationship is dead, dead, dead.

If you stay with this guy, you will be validating his behavior. He has already shown that he disrespects you and cannot be civil to you. He has shown himself to be selfish and ready to disregard your feelings. He is deluded enough to think pornography is real thus proving he has neither brain nor empathy. His pressuring you to do what you dislike/don't want is reason enough to get rid of him. Do it.

Time for a new and better lover!

Piffle - if he loved her over and above a certain specific sex act.... then her abhorence of oral sex simply would NOT matter.

Answer is to find a guy that doesn't want oral sex, that might be hard to find though.

And after being married for 13 years it just doesn't happen anymore lol.

I always wonder just were cumming on somebody started. Porn sure, but when did this start be be a turn on. I'm sure it was to prevent pregnancy, so doing the dark ages was it the only way to get your kink on without pornhub available?!

Oh and hi all, been lurking for awhile and wondered that thread would motivate me to register... Guess I know now lol.

Each of us, male and female, has limits in most of life. Those limits must be respected. I am, as usual, in agreement with the BadCat on this. He is making it demeaning by his insistence. Dump him.

Time for a guy

QUOTE

I hate giving oral and the thought of him cumming on me. I dont know what it is I it just makes me feel degraded and turns me off so much I would rather have no sex than to have great sex knowing that I have to do it.

You anwsered it right there!

You shouldn't have to commit to this if you are not interested all! Sex is about enjoying and pleasing each other were both agree to what your doing. If not, that individual is only thinking about themselves. I would rather my partner be happy with what I'm doing than to be forced into an unpleasurable situation.
JMO

Good for you!

Oxfordfox,
Why are you so against fellatio and having him ejaculate on you? Degrading? I suppose you find preparing and serving a cup of tea degrading also.
There is nothing degrading about doing something to please your partner whether it is sexual or not.

And why should she, dlb? Is it MANDATORY or something?

I don't agree with her dislike but HE knew about it and did it anyway - so out he goes!

Her reasons don't matter, dlb. When someone is as emotionally troubled by something as the OP is by this, the issue goes far beyond a single act, or a simple opinion thereof.

This girl's aversion to this goes right down to her fiber. It borders on gutteral. That doesn't get simply explained away, and one does not simply decide to do it anyway because it pleases someone else. When it's this strong, you don't just put it on a shelf--th'aint no shelf that will hold it.

Some day, if she meets the right guy, who goes about it in the right way, perhaps, just PERHAPS, she'll be able to get past it. If she chooses to, which she does not have to do. But EEK's right, it's nowhere near mandatory.

she does have a very strong aversion and it will help her to ponder where it's coming from. if she can figure that out, she has a place to work from. and it seems that she does want to work on it. not necessarily b/c boyfriend is guilting her into it (which - agree - is NOT a healthy or nice thing to do), but because, like she said - she knows it will please him.

there ARE steps women can take to overcome their fear or disgust of giving oral sex (i have a few of them on my resources page here [url=http://www.blowjoblove.com/RESOURCES.html]Blow Him Away - RESOURCES), and i strongly recommend they look into it and consider taking a new approach. i'm not saying this is fair or right, but the fact is 99% of men will not date a woman who does not give oral sex. furthermore, if they ARE in a relationship where they're getting mediocre head, they WILL look outside the relationship to satisfy their oral needs. my income over the last 5 years is a testimony to that harsh reality.

i feel for her...i really do. but i believe she can take action and get over it...step by step.

alanna

If you just can't do it - fine! You don't have to do it. Stop feeling guilty about it. There is more than one way to please your boyfriend.

People, STOP pushing limits.

It is NOT your job to change (or fix) anyone. Just take them as they come.

This seems to be a problem nowadays, i think that the main cause a woman won`t give head is the antourage, what that person has heard in time maybe from a early age about giving head(that it`s degrading) or comments like "oh I would never do that" and they form an opinion that is wrong about it and they just don`t have the strenght to come back on track.
What I say is nobody and I repeat nobody if they think giving head is wrong should do it becouse of guilt, pressure or becouse they think they owe something, they should not do it becouse it`s about one`s integrity, you are what you are, an unique person and you should not bend but instead try to hear out as many oppinions as possible and try to work on the problem, try to make it work for you but if you can`t solve the problem then it is my oppinion it should be left alone becouse I think we are all different in what we think and feel and it is right to be this way.
I am a male and I myself have been thought by the antourage that giving oral sex is disgusting and degrading and for some time I thought so but after some time I came to think with my own head and don`t know how but the idea of pleasing a woman in that way pleasing the person you love has become very arousing.
I asked my loved one about giving head(and it wasan`t easy for me) and she accepted but she did not embrace the idea, she felt disgusted by it but felt obbligated to give something in return, to please as she would be pleased and I tell you if I accepted something like that I could not look myself in the mirror anymore, I could not accept something that is not equaly pleasurable for both of us, that`s my idea of a couple.
You can agree or you can disagree, you can comment and I will be pleased to answer any and all questions
This is my opinion

To put it bluntly (yeah, I know) NOT DOING SOMETHING IS NOT NECESSARILY A "PROBLEM".

If she/he doesn't want x, y, or z - they don't want x, y, or z - ENOUGH!

If you are going to push it, thinking he/she has a "problem" - then YOU'RE the one with the problem. The problem called a LACK OF RESPECT.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;247341]To put it bluntly (yeah, I know) NOT DOING SOMETHING IS NOT NECESSARILY A "PROBLEM".

If she/he doesn't want x, y, or z - they don't want x, y, or z - ENOUGH!

If you are going to push it, thinking he/she has a "problem" - then YOU'RE the one with the problem. The problem called a LACK OF RESPECT.[/QUOTE]

Read the damn post before you reply