Wow I am lucky. I'm one of those girls that can get an orgasm from being in a bumpy car ride! I had my first orgasm when I was ten, and yes it was brought on by myself. That was the first time i really masturbated. I feel it has helped me know what i want from my man- how i want him to touch me, what feels good, and what gives me orgasms.
Perhaps you can try this. when you are on your own, explore your body. See what feels good. You might like something you did not know about. Once you can bring yourself to orgasm, you can instruct a guy to do the same. Also, maybe you are doing the same thing each time you try to reach orgasm? Experiment- with yourself and your man. Maybe you just haven't hit that "spot" yet.
I hope this helps some. Good luck!

I truly believe you need to experiment with yourself first and make yourself orgasm. A guy can try a zillion different things, but in the end if it's just not happening, welllll, it's not the guy's fault.

If you don't know what responses you're looking for to achieve orgasm, you won't know what to tell him to do more of, to do faster, slower, etc...

Put away some private time for yourself. Maybe get a mini vibrator and put on some soft music, light some candles, take a nice bath and get relaxed. Maybe while you're in the bath relaxing, do some touching to make yourself ready... Don't touch your vagina yet, just everything else so you'll be ready to go...

Then get out and lay on your bed or whatever is comfy... maybe you'll want a mirror. Check her out if you want and get totally comfortable with yourself! Listen to your body as to what feels good. If something feels really really good, don't stop! Don't get emberassed, don't worry about having the orgasm, concentrate on feeling good and making it feel better and better until you get that great release. It will come to you eventually, but you are going to have to find it yourself and know what to expect when you're with a man, so you'll know what you're thriving for!

Well Wally and Brandye gave you great advice.

You must learn your body and what works for you. I am a big believer that there must be fantasy. What do you think about when you are masturbating or with your guy?

Even when I am with my husband having sex I have to have some kind of sexy thoughts going through my head before I can fully just think on what he is doing to my body.

I am also a complete advict of the vibrator. Forget the diamonds a good vibrator is a girls best friend. I never had an orgasm until I got one 15 years ago. I can now cum with my fingers or having oral performed on me but still the vibrator is choice way to cum even now.

If you don't want the vibrator then learn how to use your fingers while fantasizing or watching something like porn. Use your fingers gently all over your body. Don't just stay on your clitoris but let your fingers explore all of you slowly.

Oh a good shower head is a fun way to go too.  

It is interesting that you have posted this issue under "Pleasing Him." If that is your attitude ("I want to have an orgasm to please him"), that is your problem. Your orgasm is your orgasm. If you want to experience it, learn how; if not, nothing you do to please him will trip your trigger.

Roughly one woman in four never, or rarely, experiences an orgasm. We really do not know, but most of these women are physically capable of orgasm. Step one is identifying that maybe you need a little help. Every major city has sex therapists listed in the phone book. Perhaps your gyn can assist you. Here is a place I really believe in us women doctors. There are male doctors who can and will help; it is more likely that a woman will be up to speed on non-responsiveness in women.

I am a big believer in masturbation. Once you experience orgasm, you know what you are looking for. There some good books on female sexual response. Some are "older books."
Our Bodies, Ourselves is a good education in how your body works. The Joy of Sex (being reissued) is sex specific. There are websites on masturbation though I have not spent much time with them. Perhaps some other WOMAN can help by recommending one. The attractiveness of these sites (and related porn) is quite different for men and women. A woman specific site by and for women is more likely to be appealing and helpful.

I'd started a reply to this yesterday... then the board crashed before I got it posted. Sorry!

I think you may be on to something with your insight in the first post... from your description, it sounds like your sexual experience has been mostly physical and almost clinical. While that wouldn't necessarily prevent you from achieving orgasm, it is very limiting.

"Good sex" involves all the senses and has a physical and emotional dimension. Perhaps even a spiritual one! I suspect it would be very difficult for most women to achieve orgasm in a somewhat sterile setting that approaches a guy (no matter how talented) accepting the challenge of "making her cum."

Similarly, I suspect simply manipulating oneself physically (masterbating) isn't going to "do it." There's got to be some fantasy involved and some desire for pleasure beyond simply "reaching climax."

My bias is that it's seeking orgasm that often prevents its arrival. I'd suggest relaxing and concentrating on what you're feeling and experiencing pleasure. Three hours of a guy trying to make you cum sounds painful. Three hours of kissing... touching... loving... that sounds heavenly, doesn't it?

I'm not convinced that lack of experience affects ability to have an orgasm, although learning about one's body is certainly part of it. But what you truly want to learn is what your body finds pleasurable. The more pleasure you discover the more likely the orgasm will happen because that's what an orgasm is... the culmination of pleasure.

Is this too philosophical? LOL

Wally

Did you ever reached your climax by yourself?

Or did you had lots of forplay with your exes or something?

But if you enjoy every minute of it I guess there isnt much to complain.

To tell you the truth every guy would want to say he can solve it lol