Well, ok, so I don't out and out "hate" my vagina. lol. But I'm getting quite discouraged and frustrated. Here's the deal... I pretty much never get turned on. Like, blood pulsing, "take me now or else" kind of turned on. May have happened twice in four months of fooling around and sex. And when I did get like that, nothing actually really came out of it. I have never orgasmed. Not even really come close. When my clit is able to be found (seriously, I swear to you it moves around and hides! lol) and is fingered or licked, my legs will start to shake. When my g-spot is fingered I get the usual urge to pee and what have you. But that is it, and it's all very... random. I feel practically nothing during intercourse, even when I lost my virginity there was nothing.
I love my boyfriend very much, and I want to be able to enjoy all forms of sex as much as he does. And also, it's hard for him not feel either selfish or inadequate. I enjoy what we do a lot, and our relationship is great, but I'm starting to just get fed up. Is my sex drive simply low? How is that possible for a seventeen year old?! lol. Could there be something I'm missing? I don't know, I'm just looking for any sort of help! My body needs to wake up!
the doc has commented about this topic offten, he says ingnore that need-to-pee urge expecaly if your blatter is empty, look around on the board the topic's there
Yes, I have commented about the urge; however, I am not certain I am qualified to address what seems to be the core of this situation.
I do not believe you have a problem with your vagina, only that you have decided for whatever reason to make this the focal point of your problem.
Two concerns come to mind: One is how well you are aroused by the making out the two of you do. Second, have you learned to masturbate and experience orgasms?
If your makeout technique is not very long and involved and does not excite you by building and peaking your level of arousal, orgasms will not happen. If you are relying upon genital stimulation to arouse you to the the trigger point of an expected orgasm, then you absolutely have the cart before the horse! If you have not yet been able to have orgasms by your own hand then you cannot expect your boyfriend to give them to you.
We are all responsible for our own orgasms. We do not give them away. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve theirs. Being able to masturbate successfully is key to enjoying an orgasm from someone elses efforts. In addition, is the fact that since learning, each of us soon develops a technique unique and specific to each of us. We all know the basic mechanics of stroking a penis and fingering a clitoris; however, there is more, and it is this "Fine Art" as I call it that must be learned. I recommend that your partner learn how to mimic your specific movements, rhythms, and pressures by having you take his hand, guiding his movements several times until he gets it down. The reverse holds true for him with you.
That you love each other very much is an indication that another necessary component to the process is present: "sparks", electricity, and pheromones flying in the air between you. Good.
At seventeen you may not have become "orgasmic", a leap boys make almost automatically and matter of factly right out of puberty. Girls often do not make this transmutation until later if at all, probably due to lower testosterone levels. Masturbation is more of a conscious and deliberate effort. So, if you have not learned to masturbate and do not do it frequently, your first order of business to "wake up your body" is to learn and then to be able to reach a climax regularly and consistently. Brandye states that not every woman is capable of having orgasms; however, possible or not, you still need to become turned on and this is apparently not happening.
Boys often do not devote much time to making out and foreplay and this is usually an absolute requirement for a woman. So, if you two rush to try and have climaxes, he will probably be ready, willing, and able; yet, you will require much more attention to this detail. Spend no less than half an hour to making out, and longer if possible. Work on learnng how to kiss and caress in order to arouse each other. I have written a lengthy piece on this. Do an advanced search using my name and the term: inclusive.
I rather doubt that your sex drive is low; yet if all else fails, you may want to have your hormone levels checked. First, work on developing your methods and techniques--and, placing the horse before the cart if necessary.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
Thank you, I really appreciate it. Yes, my boyfriend and I spend copious amounts of time making out, more often than not. Like... often about an hour if we can. lol. I would be completely happy just making out with him. I do realize that things can't be rushed, as does my boyfriend.
As for masterbating, I would not at all be opposed ... but I have absolutely no desire to. I've tried on a couple of occassions, and after a while every time just kind of end up feeling bored and would rather do something else. I have done research on female masterbation. It doesn't feel bad, but what I'm getting isn't really worth the effort, if that doesn't sound completely lame. Grrrr.
At this point I don't even really care about orgasming, I know that that can take a lot of time for women. But I just want to be aroused. I like fooling around, it's enjoyable, but I end up feeling slightly left out when my boyfriend steadily gets hotter and hotter and eventually orgasms. I love being able to pleasure him, but I just want to be able to lose myself a little bit.
Anywho... this post is probably completely counterproductive. I really appreciate the help though, and will certainly do a search when I don't have to leave for work soon! :)
If you are sixteen, there is no reason to be concerned; you will learn. If you are twenty-six, then you have some serious issues.
As stated so often, we women have to learn what seems so natural for men. If you have never experienced orgasm, you do not know what you are looking for. The G-Spot is a very sophisticated concept. I doubt that ten percent of all women have ever experienced G-Spot stimulation.
Read Female sexual response in Chick Chat. Yes, it does point out that your clitoris does "move!" The things you need most are to learn how the female body works and then learn to masturbate to orgasm. Then, you will be ready to move on. Messing around with the G-Spot is useless until you have experienced orgasm. Medically, there is not indication that the G-Spot exists. For some of us, we can make it taht way; for others, it is simply an impossibility.
So, get a copy of Our Bodies Ou Selves and learn how your body works. The learn what fantasies and stimulation assist in masturbation. Eventually yuou will learn enough to truly function. If your b/f wants to feel inadequate, that is his problem and it indicates that he knows less than you.
[QUOTE=Brandye]The G-Spot is a very sophisticated concept. ..... Messing around with the G-Spot is useless until you have experienced orgasm. [/QUOTE]
Well... I know I have definitely felt that. Predictable and undeniable feeling, precisely where it should be. If it's not that, I have no freaking clue what that would be! lol.
[QUOTE]If your b/f wants to feel inadequate, that is his problem and it indicates that he knows less than you.[/QUOTE]
lol. Just to clarify, my boyfriend has never said that he has felt inadequate, in fact he has listened to me with incredible patience and empathy and willingness to do whatever I ask. But I can only imagine the way I would feel if I were in his position. Then again I'm not him, so here I am putting cyber words in his mouth. And yeah, he does know less than me! ;)
Thanks for the reply, I will look into that book you mentioned.
It looks like my main option at this point is just to buckle down and force myself to masterbate...