Ok, a few months ago, I had mentioned that for some reason I found the thought of getting a girl pregnant was hot, but I mentally I didn't want it to happen because I knew I wasn't read for a kid.
Then about a week ago, I found out that every ex gf that I have (at least the ones who fell in "love" with me) are pregnant. My friend is having another baby, I'm working at the day care in our gym, and the girl I was talking to, has kids and is wanting to get pregnant.
No matter where I go it just seems like kids and pregnancy are following me. And after spending all night trying to ignore the fact that I wanted to sleep with nearly every attractive women in there (only 1 or 2 lol). Then after getting off work I went to my fwb's house, and I couldn't bring myself to pull out. We've been sleeping together for a while and even though this isn't that big a deal for her since we've done this before, its usual a conscious thought not to pull out. But this time it was if I couldn't help it. My mind screamed no but my body wouldn't listen.
I just don't know what's going on with me. I don't feel like a sex addict. I mean I can control myself (hadn't had sex in a month, not by lack of a partner, just by choice). And its not like I wouldn't wear a condom if asked, I just don't understand why I'm suddenly so turned on by the thought of getting a girl pregnant. Its not even that I find a pregnant woman sexually attractive. Compound it all with the fact that kids/pregnancy seem to be everywhere around me, I feel like I'm going insane!
Heck idk if there is a question I'm trying to ask or if I'm just venting!
I wonder if maybe it's not the pregnancy itself, but what it "means" that's got you hooked? Even though you're at the young age for it (I think I recall you saying you're 23-ish?) maybe you're starting to have the 1st inklings of wanting a long-term relationship? Just going by the few posts of yours I read, so naturally I have no idea how your life works.
At 36, I'm on the other side of the fence, where my relationship with my wife, kids, etc, is paramount, and the thought of FWB or other non-permenant relationships seems "empty". Not meaning that disrespectfully, just how it would be for me personally. I need that stability, knowing I have a loving person to come home to, and kids that look up to me that I can teach.
Also as a side, I think kids and pregnancy are one of those things that once you start noticing it you see it all around, even though it's been there the whole time. It's kind of like when you get a new car and you start seeing how many just like it there are.
Take care... :)
Firmus touches on a couple of good points. You may well be reaching a point of wanting to settle down a little on the relationship front.
And, my mom has always said that when you're engaged, it seems like everyone's getting engaged; when you're pregnant, it seems like pregnant women come out of the woodwork; and when you begin to push a stroller around town, it seems like they spontaneously multiply. The reality is probably not that it's occurring more, but simply that you're noticing it more because it happens to be on your radar.
Trust me, no disrespect on the emptiness of fwb. I know that its nothing more than a physical relationship. Yes I have also noticed as of late I wish I had someone to cuddle and hold. Most of my problem with a LTR is the fact that I keep meeting people, but I wind up dropping them because they expect me to give them all my attention and give up things.
I mean the last girl I was talking too, told me I was pushing her aside because I was working 6 days a week (to pay bills and save for school). I train a few hours a day and I was in and out of the ER to take visit with my sister cuz she was hit by a drunk driver. Apparantely I was a bad guy for pursuing my dreams and goals and being a responsible adult. I refused to call out of work to hang with her, and I was "boring" because the one day we did hang, I had spent all night in the ER and trained that morning so I was exhausted.
Sadly enough this has been the same route for several possible gf's. I should be requesting time off work to take them on dates, or skipping training to sit on a couch and watch movies or tv.
I think Firmus' idea is very plausible. Perhaps you are looking for that commitment that comes with children, not as much the kid in itself.
Other than that -and I must have written this before- some men just have the unexplainable urge to procreate. Just like some women have. They don't want a child, they have this urge to do Mother Nature's bidding. And some men even go for it by becoming a sperm-donor and finally find their peace in doing so.
O, and I can very much relate to seeing babies and pregnant mommies everywhere. Professional risk so to speak ;) You already know that for me the urge to conceive and have a baby is actually the thing I desperately want, but rationally; this is not the time. And I've felt haunted by those strawlers and large bellies for quite some time. So I started facing it; seriously doubting the source and meaning of this urge. Concluding that pregnancy is simply something I'm highly passionate about. And realizing that I could turn this into a job. Simply the road of education towards it makes it fulfilling in a totally different way.
Facing your urges and fears and thinking over what this means and where they originate from is step 1. Only then can you do something with it. I don't know if there's such a thing for you as there is for me. But it's worth thinking about how instead of fearing and running from this, you could acknowledge and give some sort of fulfillment to it, without doing something you don't want.
Good luck! And try keep your head up, instead of losing it.
Ducy - you are ready for an adult relationship with a young woman of character. You simply have not met her yet. Keep hunting!
But I take issue with those, no doubt because they do not understand FWB, who feel FWB relationships are 'empty' - they aren't. If the relationship is just about sex - it is a bootycall or a F#%#-buddy. It is NOT a FWB relationship.
A FWB relationship is with someone who is a friend FIRST and FOREMOST with the sex being fun, enjoyable but optional, if the sex ends the friendship doesn't. Such a relationship could not be classified as 'empty'.
Now that we've cleared that up...is there anything else?